False memory ocd

So over the past year, I’ve been obsessing about an event that I “remember” happened 6 years ago, & because I was drinking back then I must’ve forgotten it happened. My memories of this have built and have changed over the past year until finally I ruminated so hard about it that the worst case scenario became vivid and convincing and real. This all started when I was going through my google photos and saw a picture of someone at my house that I had forgotten even came over. I started trying to remember. I even asked someone that was there too about him and they’re claiming that didn’t and wouldn’t have happened. But my brain is thinking they’re covering for him and I’m convinced they plotted all of this to harm me & that I was just too drunk and too naive back then to be aware of this horrific event happening. I can’t stop trying to remember every detail and it keeps growing and there’s a new flash back image in my head of this event that show me like a timeline of the events and conversations that we’re had every single day. I try to tell myself that I have to be ok with uncertainty but the memory is making me hate these people and so angry that I didn’t do anything when it happened…. If it happened… I’m always unsure of what memory is real and what’s not

Gabbybbcosta

Date posted: 16h

Hi!!! I feel you my friend…my thoughts are most from the past (like 10 years ago) I am recovering step by step…day by day …it is possible. MAYBE OR MAYBE NOT is you way out of it. The fact that you are unsure if the memory is real or not is already )your brain looking for reassurance. I know it’s though to not engage but think it as “the only way” these thoughts that you have will never make you 100%. Sure. They are not here to give you certainty, they are not here to help you. They ARE here to make you doubt more yourself. The more you get trap in the loop the less you are thinking straight. I know it’s easier said than done. But I am doing it and you can do it also. DONT ENGAGE, DONT TALK TO IT, DONT ANALISE. We are here with you!!’n

moccalate

Date posted: 16h

@Gabbybbcosta hi can u explain more wym by “the fact that you are unsure if the memory is real or not is already your brain looking for reassurance”?

Gabbybbcosta

Date posted: 15h

@moccalate If you are debating whether is real or not you are already seeking reassurance. *our role is to don’t care if it’s real or not, we should have no participation at all in the thought. You know when you see the wind blowing the leaves in the tree? You don’t ask why, you don’t ask how, you just notice it’s blowing and keep it going! Again, I am not a pro at this at all, I want to be lol but this is what’s helping me! Hope this helps you too.

AVOCADOSTAIN

Date posted: 11h

@Gabbybbcosta Thank you so much for your feedback & your support! I’m going to try my hardest to not get sucked in once it creeps in, in the moment it is so believable and the compulsion of checking just intensifies it. Again, thank you!

moccalate

Date posted: 10h

@Gabbybbcosta thank you so much!

Gabbybbcosta

Date posted: 10h

@AVOCADOSTAIN You can do it!!

Rumination_S...

Date posted: 16h

I relate to this kind of memory spiral so much. The part where you keep going back trying to remember one more detail, and somehow the more you think about it, the MORE detailed and convincing everything starts to feel is awful. Then you start questioning the new details too and it just keeps going. Something I’m working on in ERP is realizing that trying to finally figure out exactly what happened can become the compulsion itself. My brain wants me to review, reconstruct, ask people, look for evidence, and keep thinking until I get that feeling of “okay, NOW I know.” Except that feeling never lasts. I know “sit with uncertainty” sounds ridiculously simple when the uncertainty is about something this upsetting. I don’t think it means you have to convince yourself that nothing happened, though. More like allowing yourself to say, “I don’t know, and I’m not going to solve this in my head right now.” That has been one of the hardest things for me to practice too. ❤️

AVOCADOSTAIN

Date posted: 10h

@Rumination_Station Thank you so much for your advice & feed back! I like that “I don’t know and I’m not going to solve this in my head right now” I’m going to start using that! I’ve never done ERP therapy. I’m actually in talk therapy and I feel like it feels worse after sessions. Also, I’ve noticed some of these mental health professionals(well the ones I’ve been to atleast) don’t know about this subtype of OCD. I was given anti psychotics and anti depressants, all kinds of pills because they thought my symptoms were schizophrenia due to the fact that I didn’t know what memory was real or not. Downloading this app has brought me so much relief knowing that I’m not actually crazy and that there’s people out here like me. I don’t feel as alone but I am very sad though that other people are living with this though. Thank you so much again!

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond