Loved ones, grieving the ocd, nonsense

I feel so bad for what I put my loved ones through with ocd, I have been a ball of anxiety and really struggling, my poor mom so worried, my husband he's always there for me, my kids are 11 and 6 they don't know, I always put on a brave face for them. This morning I got some anxiety while talking to my husband about ocd. He said to me you always get through it and always get better every time. To a normal person that is a positive encouraging statement but my mind goes what if I don't get better and I don't want a next time for ocd again, trust me and I know you all know when your in the thick of it you don't feel like your going to make it. It's the worst thing to ever happen in my life. It's the most despicable, torturous and evil disorder. I think I may have ptsd from it. I am not way out of the woods yet. I'm still very struggling I think the only thing that has helped me is meds. I feel I need to develope a better relationship with ocd so when it does happen it's not a big deal and won't define me. I have alot of emotions right now, sadness, pity for myself, anger at times how come I'm like this, there is a grieving process, anxiety still all about the what ifs. I have alot of growing to do still and that feels hopeful, my husband and mom tell me they feel one day this ocd won't bother me as much and that does make me feel hopeful.

Knightlyraines

Date posted: 19h

I’m sorry you are going through this. You’re right OCD can be a foul friend. What I have found helped me is doing something intentional that you absolutely enjoy in my case it was playing piano. I was surprised to see how much relief I got. In addition, reciting positive affirmations to yourself with practice and trusting them helps a lot. Hope this helps

Rumination_S...

Date posted: 16h

Oh, I feel this one. Especially the guilt about what OCD puts the people we love through. I’ve had moments where I’ve looked at my husband and felt awful because I know my anxiety, questions, reassurance seeking, and compulsions affect him too. And then feeling guilty about it just becomes one more thing for my brain to obsess over. Something I’m working on in ERP is realizing that recovery can’t be another thing I demand perfection from myself about. I don’t have to become someone who never struggles again in order to be a good wife, mom, or person. And I also don’t have to figure out right now whether there will be a “next time” or how I’ll handle OCD forever. That’s another certainty OCD would LOVE for me to solve today. I really understood what you said about grieving, too. There’s grief in realizing how much time and energy this disorder has taken from you. I think we’re allowed to be angry and sad about that while still doing the work to change our relationship with it. I’m trying to get to a place where the goal isn’t “I need to make sure OCD never gets this bad again,” but more like, “I’m going to keep living my life even when OCD shows up.” Some days I’m much better at that than others. ❤️

alyssa90

Date posted: 13h

@Rumination_Station Thank you ❤️, I like the “I'm going to keep living my life even when ocd shows up.” attitude I need to get there and not be afraid.

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