maladaptive daydreaming

i struggle IMMENSELY with maladaptive daydreaming and i can't stop because it feels like anywhere is better than here but i can't complain because i have more than others and some people around the world would pray to have a happy life with family and friends, its not that i have a bad family life or anything, i just really struggle for some reason that nobody can ever understand, no matter how much i try to explain or anything, i realise that it would never be possible for anyone to understand my struggles and that makes it so hard, i haven't felt so confused or upset since my last post and i thought i was doing so much better but it comes back when i least expect it and that hurts more than anything, i dropped out of university at the start of the year, i was studying mental health nursing which i only chose because i wanted to make mental health a thing in my family because nobody acknowledges it due to culture reasons i believe but i couldn't go through with it, i don't think I would want to do long shifts for the rest of my life or work in that field of work when ocd consumes me but now my family are right because nobody really believed i could do it so now i'm just stuck somewhere and i don't know how to move forward because although i genuinely had a greater experience after dropping out, i feel this pressure that i have to know what to do and what i want to do right now but i have no idea what i want to do and also the pressure i feel to drive when i get extreme anxiety about it because anything could happen and all my brain can think of is all the 'what ifs', it literally took me 2 years to make my provisional license. it all leads back to maladaptive daydreaming because i'm doing it all day everyday whenever i have time like when i'm in the car or its night time and everyones asleep or even when i'm just home all day doing nothing but lounging, i believe that it has lessened now because i am more busy recently because of my cousins wedding but it still feels like too much but i really really really really really dont want to stop because it makes me forget about everything including my ocd and all the intrusive thoughts that come with it 99.99% of the time, i fear this is the closest ill ever get to any sort of help or therapy until i'm much older so that i don't have to tell my mum or anyone that im going because that conversation feels so difficult, i suppose i'm just lost and confused and tired all in one. i went to the beach this summer and i'd do anything to go back and just feel so carefree and happy like that day.