Noah Kahan’s “Close Behind” and OCD

I was listening to Close Behind by Noah Kahan today (for probably the millionth time lol) and for some reason today I started relating the lyrics to my OCD and now I can’t unhear it. “That all my fears are facts of life” especially got me because that is literally what OCD does to me. It takes a fear or a random thought and my brain treats it like it’s something I need to take seriously, figure out, check, prepare for, etc. “I live my life in years to come, to prepare myself for sorrow” also hit differently. I spend SO much time worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet because some part of my brain thinks if I think about every possibility beforehand, I’ll somehow be prepared for it. And even just the name Close Behind feels fitting. I can be doing better, doing ERP, having a completely normal day and OCD is still kinda… close behind lol. It finds something new to grab onto. But I also like thinking about it that way because if it’s close behind me, then it’s not me. It can follow me and be loud as hell and I can still keep going. Idk if anyone else will understand what I mean by this 😂 and obviously I don’t think Noah wrote it solely about OCD, but it hit me really hard today. Does anyone else have a song they’ve randomly connected to their OCD?

apricot tort...

Date posted: 14h

I mean it would make a lot of sense because he has OCD. But I really love a troubled mind off of the same EP

Rumination_S...

Date posted: 14h

@apricot tortoise ahhh!! another NK fan! Yes! When I found out he had diagnosed OCD it really clicked for me why I have such a strong pull to his music. I’ve been a fan for years and luckily had the ability to see him this year, the more I work through ERP the more I notice within his songs. I also love love love A Troubled Mind!!

apricot tort...

Date posted: 11h

@Rumination_Station I am so jealous that you got to see him. I got to see him on the stick season tour but was too stressed to get tickets for this one. Concerts can be pretty hard but I will 100 make sure I’m at his next one. I also was a fan for years and only got diagnosed with ocd this summer. Made even more sense how easily I was able to connect to his songs.

kikixo

Date posted: 9h

i've connected 'the cure' by olivia rodrigo to my OCD "i thought i found the antidote this time" - every time i'm doing better but then something happens and i'm right back to where i started (it lowkey feels like i was being tricked into believing i was doing better when really it was just a sick joke) "all the nights i've spent fighting bad thoughts in my room" - i took this quite literally as it always hits me when i'm in my room and the memories of the day hits me of anything that may have touched me or places i went to but then i remind myself that i've showered and had a change of clothes so that i can relax "but my head is full of poison and my heart is full of doubt" - my brain is full of intrusive thoughts regarding contamination majorly and my heart tries to disregard it but there's always a doubt about whether i touched something or if something or someone touched me even if i know deep down that i never touched it "i got toxins in my bloodstream" - my OCD will never leave me, it's apart of me "and it feels like medication and it's good for me i'm sure" - therapy is good for me and i know it will help but i'm struggling to even being able to ask for support or even confiding in my mum to then start going to therapy even though i want to (it does make me feel a bit anxious that i don't have anything wrong with me really and it's just all in my head which is restricting me ig) "there will never be a cure" - this hits harder than anything because realistically there will never and there is not a cure so i can't be fixed

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