Very stressful situation

*For context, I am wanting to and have a plan to move to LA for college that is reasonable and very financially robust. It includes working for a year first to get in state tuition. I just want to move to build a life there. It is all attainable. I am not wanting to move on a whim to be a movie star or something. I want to go to college and get a normal job* I have been planning to move from Kansas to los Angeles for college for a while now. I found a great job and a very affordable path that I can fully fund myself. My parents don't like that idea. They want me to go to college in kansas and live at home. They are scared that I am going to fail and they want to watch me so they know I am not in a dangerous situation. My financial plan is very robust and no matter how much i explain that it doesn't change anything. The California plan would involve a gap year to work and earn money amd in state tuition. By the end of college in Kansas I would owe my parents 24k and by the end of college in California I would owe them nothing because I could fully self fund it. I am not going to fit in well at the Kansas college. I went to the orientation there and people there were very different from me. The thought of staying in Kansas makes me feel trapped. This disorder has taken a lot from me so I want to move and show myself that I can. There are way better and cheaper OCD treatment resources in LA than in Kansas as well. It really feels like my parents are mad at me for wanting to leave. They are insisting stay here and take the 24k loan from them but from the way they are talking it sounds like they would not lend me any money at all for California which is fine because I can pay for it myself. Also my mom is incredibly scared that I won't have enough money. I have been planning for and wanting to do this for two years now. I really want to do it and I can but my parents are repeatedly asking me question after question trying to find some hole in my plan that will stop me from going and living my dreams. I wish they would at least look at living options with me and help me find the best option. Instead, today my dad is going to the car insurance place to get a quote on how much I would have to pay to scare me into staying (and by the way I already have found options and a plan for cheaper car insurance and that has been factored into my plan for a while). I know deep down they really care about me, but it really seems like they are mad at me right now. I am worried that this tension and stress is going to cause my ocd to come back. The move itself also carries a high risk.

JS55555

Date posted: 19h

I also feel like a horrible person for this

cactusturtle

Date posted: 16h

I don't think you are being a terrible person here. It may be that your parents just want to feel confident in your plan to move, but that they aren't doing the best job of getting information about your plan without causing undue stress for you. Or, it may be that their anxiety about wanting you to be successful is trumping their ability to look at these two options logically. If you have a therapist, could you have one or both of your parents come to an appointment with you? Depending on their openness to that it could help to have a third voice and a neutral professional in the room to help ease communication. I've done that with my parents a few times (I'm late 20s age now) and it helped. If you don't have a therapist or don't feel like they would be open to coming to an appointment, is there anyone from the college you're looking at in California that you could connect them with? Or from where you're planning to work while you take a gap year? Knowing that you will have support and community while you're there, and hearing information from others, may help them look at the situation differently. Ultimately this is your decision, once you're over 18 at least (if you aren't already). Everyone's relationship with their parents is different so I can't exactly say how they'll react without knowing them (that's why I recommended talking to a therapist with them). But I don't think you are doing anything morally wrong if you make a decision in this case that they don't agree with right now.

FroBro22

Date posted: 16h

Kinda sounds like my parents, they can be highly anxious and would guilt me and scare me about things that caused them anxiety. I mean we get along great now but it was an issue when I moved out at 21 for sure. I live with them again cause that didn’t work out but you know sometimes you have to piss off ur parents in life, it’s part of forming your own identity I think. Hopefully once they see you kicking ass in college, they will come around. Or maybe they won’t. But you should still try and stick to your plan. Fear keeps ur life small.

FroBro22

Date posted: 16h

I’m from the L.A. area btw so if you have any questions about life out here feel free to ask.

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