Therapist said my whole email was reassurance req

I had a session today with an OCD therapist because I’m considering B4DT/Bergen-style intensive treatment. Before the session, I had emailed questions about the programme itself: whether it works with primarily mental compulsions/Pure-O because most of the examples in the webinar involved contamination OCD; how much one-to-one therapist time there is; confidentiality in the group because I would be discussing work OCD and potentially sensitive workplace information; how multiple OCD themes are handled; medication, including whether I should stay on it during B4DT; leave requirements, because the programme is described as four days but the dates I was given seemed to cover only two; and cost. He told me that the entirety of my email was reassurance-seeking. I’m trying to take that seriously, because I know reassurance-seeking is one of my compulsions and I probably do it in ways I don’t always recognise. But I’m also genuinely confused about where the line is. As a patient/client considering a treatment programme, surely there are also normal questions you’re allowed to ask so you can understand what you’re consenting to and whether the treatment is appropriate for you. For example, I can see how: “Can you promise this treatment will work for me and stop my OCD from mutating?” would be reassurance-seeking. But: “Does this programme treat primarily mental compulsions, and what does that look like?” feels like a treatment question to me. Same with: “How much one-to-one therapist time is there?” “What are the confidentiality arrangements?” “What happens with medication?” “What are the actual treatment dates?” “How much does the programme cost?” I’ve emailed him asking if he can explain the difference between a normal treatment/informed-consent question and a reassurance-seeking question, because right now I genuinely don’t know where that boundary is. I’m not posting this to ask whether my therapist was “right” or “wrong” about my email. I’m more interested in hearing from people with OCD who had to learn this distinction: How do you tell the difference between legitimate information-seeking and reassurance-seeking? And did your therapist actually teach you that distinction, or was it something you had to figure out yourself? I'm not going to lie I feel a little gaslit.

ben123

Date posted: 19h

I guess the question is what’s behind all these questions? Is there an urgency to answer this uncertainty or is it just factual questions?

bokang

Date posted: 18h

I ask a lot of questions in general was my response to him. I ask that of my doctor, dentist, hair salon braider. I like being informed. I genuinely thought the bulk of my questions were normal to me. "How much does it cost? Do you realise you only booked 2 days can you clarify is it 2 or 4 so we can book leave?" Seems OK to me. Maybe, "is every participant signing a confidentiality agreement for the group session" is too much. But I just thought I'd ask cause who wants to discuss pocd in open in group session if noone is sworn to secrecy.

bokang

Date posted: 18h

@bokang I still don't know how much it costs nor how many days it will be 2 or 4 days.

Em. B.

Date posted: 19h

I mean, I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong about those questions. I’d want to have a basis and understanding if this particular path I was looking to invest my time and money into would be suitable for me. I think it’s extremely fair and important to know this information. I would pause and genuinely try to reflect if I already asked or know the answers to those questions and I’m trying to slightly reword for reassurance. But if looking back, I truly don’t know how much it would be and I hadn’t received information on the program, etc. I think they are fair questions to ask.

ebpink 🎀

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 16h

This happens to me too when I’ll ask a question and it doesn’t sound reassurance seeking to me, but to my therapist it might. When I ask my therapist questions she’ll ask me, is this coming from a place of reassurance seeking, and I’ll just say I’m trying to understand or that I’d just like to educate myself. I think it’s nice that she’s asks me what I think instead of just telling me that I am. It helps me reflect so I feel like it’s more helpful and like less of an attack, even if the intention is to help

bokang

Date posted: 16h

Does your therapist give you a criteria to use. Cause I genuinely feel like asking the price & dates isn't reassurance-seeking. It's seeking clarity. If I pretend to understand like I said above maybe the confidentiality thing is too much. I guess I could just shut up during the group session. But I also want to know if it's worth doing if bulk is group then someone like me that might not feel comfortable sharing under non confidential circumstances might say it's not worth the cost cause I might not get as much therapy as others.

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