Intrusive feeling of guilt

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@Anonymous - @Anonymous - Happy to share! Intrusive guilt that keeps coming back — especially around religion — is a hallmark of scrupulosity OCD, where OCD latches onto faith and turns it into a source of fear rather than comfort. The good news is it's very treatable. Here is a resource that you may find helpful: What is scrupulosity OCD? Faith, morality, and intrusive thoughts https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/scrupulosity-ocd This covers how religious OCD works, why the guilt keeps cycling back even after you seek reassurance, and what treatment looks like — including that it doesn't require abandoning your faith. And if you'd prefer to watch rather than read, this video from NOCD's Get to Know OCD series is a great introduction: When Faith Feels Like Fear: Religious OCD Explained https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sjq9AFJQK6Y Is this something you've had any support for, or has it mostly been something you've been carrying on your own?

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@Anonymous I'm here. What is bothering you?

@Tea and Honey I had very bad thought and it is bad from the piint of view of religion and it is against all religios values, it was in the period when I was signing a document, which was necessary to acquire some permission. Now I wonder if I use this permission does God think that I am in continous guilt, and for that reason does He demands to annulate this permission and again gain it, so that in the leriod of acquiring for second time I control my mind in the period of signatures? But the receipt is not that much easy of that permission, and I wonder maybe God think that I am in continuous guilt?

@Anonymous I totally understand what you are saying. I think I can help you a lot. I'm glad that you are talking about this. This is the first step toward getting better. Usually, if I don't talk about my issues, they don't get better. So you are doing a good job by bringing this out into the open. Okay, first things first. Let's talk about the thoughts. ------------------ OCD gives disturbing, intrusive, taboo thoughts. It doesn't matter if these thoughts are about God, or about violence, or about sex, or some combination. The thoughts can also take the form of images. I used to have bad thoughts about God all the time. They went through my head every waking hour. I didn't know this was OCD until I was older. I learned that this is a classic symptom of OCD, and everyone with OCD has this problem. So how do we get better from OCD? First, we have to recognize what the thoughts really are. The thoughts are actually defined as "obsessions". After that, anything we do in order to try to "fix "the anxiety caused by the thought is actually defined as a "compulsion". If you try to go back and re-sign the document without any bad thoughts in your head, you are actually performing a compulsion . The more you do compulsions, the worse the OCD cycle gets. ---------------------- So there are two things that you need to do here : 1.) You need to learn to ALLOW the thoughts to be in your head without doing anything to fix them. I had to learn this too many years ago. I started allowing the bad thoughts to just run freely through my head. I stopped trying to fix them. I stopped trying to stop them. This was a huge step of freedom for me. I know now that God doesn't care if those thoughts are in my head or not. These thoughts are like wisps of smoke. 💨 God actually doesn't care if the thoughts are in our heads or not. This will be a step of faith for you to ALLOW the thoughts to be there. It actually will be quite scary. But you need to understand that these thoughts do not mean anything at all. They are just thoughts, and they are meaningless. 2. You have to learn to deny the compulsions. If you try to annulate the permission and try to re-sign the document, this is actually a compulsion. It is not going to help you at all! Instead, you need to "ride out" the anxiety that occurs when you refuse to do the compulsion . It will be scary to you if you refuse to sign the document again. But you need to "ride out" this scary feeling until it subsides. ------------------- In other words, you are going to do NOTHING about the intrusive thought you had in your head. You are NOT going to resign the document. It's going to feel scary, but you need to do it anyway. Please know that God is on your side. He wants your FREEDOM. He does not want perfection. He does not want you to feel like you have to agonize over your thoughts, and he does not want you to feel guilty. Just remember, the OCD actually means nothing. It is actually a step of faith for you to just move on in life and do nothing about it. . --------------------- I know I got you a lot. We can talk more!!! You were going to need some support as your journey forward. But the journey forward for you is clear. 1. First, you have to recognize the obsessions (which are the thoughts) 2. Then you have to allow the obsessions to be there without trying to fix them or fight them off. 3. Then you have to deny yourself the compulsions, which is any attempt to mitigate the bad thoughts. This will actually be very SCARY. And it will take some practice and time. ------------------ You can do this! You can beat the OCD! Tell me what your thoughts are about this. I'm sure you have 100 questions and objections. I am here to listen!!!! Please write back and tell me what you are thinking!!!:)

@Tea and Honey It is very helpful that there are people like you who are ready to help me, you really understand me. Yes there are objections, for example when I think that ok I must not pay attention to this type of thoughts, but the problem is that I have fear that if God expects from me to start not paying attention to my thoughts but not in that case, for example maybe if I start from this thought not to do anything, it could seem to be guilt.? As well as the problem is that permission is something I must use regularly and it is something that gives me special status in some field of activity, so having this status as a result of permission received when I had very bad thoght in the period of signature of one of documents necesarry for receipt. My feelings tell me that as I do not cancel this permission, I continue to be in guilty way, and my regret can be not complete as a result that maybe God sees that I am not cancelled the guilty way. But my consciousness tell me that the reality is that I can use my status. What to do becasue I love God and want to feel loved by Him.

@Anonymous Sometimes you have to make a decision and go with it. In this case, you have to decide that you are not going to cancel the permission. It might feel a little bit scary. You might have doubts about it. You won't be 100% sure that it's the right decision. But that's OK. That's a nature of how you grow through the OCD. You have to make decisions, and then you have to deal with the fact that you're not 100% sure that everything will be OK . However, this is an opportunity for growth. This is an opportunity to learn more about God. When we have OCD, we tend to view God in the wrong way. We tend to be afraid of God and only focus on guilt and shame. However, the true God is not like that. God does not want you to feel tortured by guilt. -------------- When we have OCD, it feels like living in a fog. There is so much confusion about what steps we are supposed to take. And there is confusion about God and what He expects. In these cases, it is often best to trust someone who was on the outside. Someone on the outside can see your situation clearly. If this person understands OCD, they can tell you the next steps to do. In that way, even if your brain is still confused, you can take steps even when you don't understand . In your case, you can trust me that you do not need to cancel the permission. I can see the situation clearly. I can see how the OCD is deceiving you about God's nature. And I can see how the OCD is deceiving you about guilt and what you need to do. It is clear to me whet the right answer is for you. I am a Christian, and I love God, and I want to serve him with my whole heart. OCD hijacks your desire to please God, and OCD gives you all sorts of rules that God does not intend for you to have. OCD gives you all sorts of guilt that God does not intend for you to have. Our brains get so mixed up, we don't know what to do please God. However, that's why you need to trust what people are saying on the outside. If you cancel the permission, you are actually giving into a compulsion. You will be doing exactly what the OCD wants. You will be reinforcing the OCD cycle. The OCD wants to tell you that the bad thought means that you have to do something to cancel it out. But that is not true!! ------------------- I want to tell you that I had exactly the same thing in my life. I have had the same thing happen to me 1 million times. I used to think that if I had a bad thought at the same time that I was thinking about chocolate, then if I ate chocolate that day then I would go to hell. I also thought that if I had a bad at the same time that I was thinking about Eggs, that I wasn't allowed to eat eggs that day. If I did eat Eggs, I felt like I would go to hell OCD got me tangled up into all these rules. I wanted to take my kids to the doctor, but I felt like if I had a bad thought at the same time that I thought about the doctor appointment, then I wasn't allowed to take my kids to the doctor. I thought if I took my kids to the doctor, then I would go to hell. Do you see what a big lie this all is! Do you see how much of a torment that was? It inhibited my life in a very big way. But I have learned a lot since then. I don't have to listen to the OCD. The OCD is not the boss. And all those rules that the OCD gave me were not real. Just because the OCD says that God will disapprove of you does not mean that you should believe the OCD. The OCD is also always lying about the nature of God. God is good, and he is full of love. He is not trying to torment you. God does not want you to cancel the permission. I know all of this can seem confusing, especially when you want to please God. But you need to make the decision that you are not going to cancel the permission. You are going to trust what other people are telling you to do. And through this process, you will learn that God is looking down on you in love. God does not want you to cancel the permission. God wants you to go forward!

@Tea and Honey I really understand what you describe, I also have this type of thoughts, and when I will do something and this period I have bad thoughts anti religious, I can cancel and do it again with strict control of mind, so that it does not be considered by God as consent with this bad thought, and in this case when I have not done this, I have the feeling that I can be cobdamned asfor my profit I do not cancel, but maybe Gid thinks that if I had this type of suspicion I also had the obligation to cancel, and even if I ask Him in my prayers to show me His will, I also have the feeling that can be situation that God considers that as I had to understand that I must cancel and I do not do, I fear that God will not reply and show me.

@Anonymous - I TOTALLY understand what you are going through. The same things have happened to me. In the past, if I had a bad thought at the same time that I was thinking about anything else, I felt like I wasn't allowed to do that thing. So for example, if I had a bad thought at the same time I thought about eating popcorn or parting my hair on the side, then I felt like I wasn't allowed to eat popcorn or part my hair on the side. If I did eat the popcorn or whatever, I felt like I would be doomed to hell. For the past couple years, it's been a bit different. I have felt like if I twitch my nose at the same time that I have a bad thought about God, then I am not allowed to do whatever I was thinking about at the time. For example, if I twitch my nose while I am thinking about paying for groceries, then I am not allowed to pay for groceries. If I do pay for groceries, I feel like I could be doomed to hell. This is how OCD works. It DECEIVES us into thinking that we have to cancel things or that we are not allowed to do certain things. But the OCD is all a LIE. I'll talk about this more below, but first let's talk about God revealing his will to us. When you have OCD, it's really easy to mix up God's voice with the OCD voice. A lot of times that we think that we are listening to God, we are not. We are actually listening to the OCD. When I would get an impression inside, it has been very confusing to me whether or not this impression is from God or from the OCD. So I understand your struggle here. I have learned a few things. First, you need to remember that even if you have FEELINGS about something, that doesn't mean that it is true. The OCD will often work with your feelings. I had a FEELING once that if I hung up a picture on a bulletin board, that I would go to hell. I thought maybe the feeling was God warning me about it. When I hung up the picture anyway, I felt so worried that maybe I was doomed. But I realized later that the impression or feeling was actually not from God at all. It was the voice of OCD. ------------------------------------------------------- So let's talk about what is happening with you .You are feeling like you are in continuous guilt since you have not annulled the permission. This is making you worried that God will not reveal his will to you because of that guilt. All of this is a big LIE from the OCD!! God is not petty. God is not doing this to you. God is looking down on you with love and compassion for all the suffering you are going through. In fact, you are doing the RIGHT thing by refusing to annul the permission. When you refuse to listen to the OCD, you are acting on FAITH. God is pleased when we take steps of faith, even when we don't understand. Let me explain: If I had a bad thought and felt like I coudn't take my my kids to the doctor, I would need to take the kids to the doctor anyway. It might FEEL like it is disobeying God. It might FEEL like God is requiring me to obey the "rule" that I am not allowed to go to the doctor. But, in fact, the opposite is true! God actually wants me to take the kids to the doctor. And I can take the kids to the doctor out of FAITH, even if I feel yucky about it inside. In your case, you need to refuse to annul the permission out of FAITH. And then, even though you FEEL guilty, you are going to choose to believe that God loves you out of FAITH. The Bible says that God loves you. The Bible says that God forgives all our sins in Christ Jesus. Who are you going to believe more? Are you going to believe the OCD? Or are you going to believe the Bible? You don't need to look for God to speak to you right now. When you have OCD, it can be very confusing when we are looking for God to reveal his will to us. We get really confused. But there are certain things that you can know by FAITH. You can know that God does not operate the way your OCD says He does. He would not be a good and gracious God if he was holding you in guilt and punishing you over not annulling a permission in some confusing situation. That is not how God works. The OCD gives us opportunities to act on blind faith. So that is what I am going to need you to do. Your brain does not need to understand. You just need to do the ACTIONS. And you will do it out of faith. Here is your action plan: 1.). You will make a decision not to annul the permission 2.) It's okay if you feel worried and feel yucky inside. These are just FEELINGS, and you don't need to listen to your feelings 3.) You are going to remember the truth and appropriate it BY FAITH. It's okay if your feelings tell you that you are doomed. You are going to live by faith. You can take any verses you want for this step. Maybe you could try Romans 8:1. It says, "Therefor there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." This verse is true! It's from the Bible! And you can appropriate that to yourself by faith, even though the OCD tells you are condemned. Or maybe could take Lamentations 3:22. It says, "The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end." You can choose to believe this. You can take this verse as true for you. Write it down. Say it out loud if that is useful. And you can take this verse on faith as true for you, even if the OCD is screaming at you that you are a bad person for not annulling the permission. You could choose different verses than the ones I wrote above. That's okay. The point is that you go back to God's word in some way. God's word is very much against everything the OCD is saying. ------------------------------------- Do you think you can practice these steps? What do you think??:):)