Really struggling to tell what is OCD and what could be real. I keep worrying about my brain not working correctly or like I'm going to lose my memories or my sanity. Can anyone relate to this? Any advice?
I’m worried my brain is turning to mush oftentimes that’s the best way to describe it and it’s awful but I go through “episodes” and I pray and thank God that it will lighten up and it’s just passing through but won’t last forever and I’m not crazy or alone
Thissssss
@slickph1691 I feel like I’m going to go crazy, or forget who I am or how to be me. Like I’ll glitch and not be me anymore
@slickph1691 - Right! Like my OCD has me checking every single thought for accuracy and every memory needs to be immediately retrievable and correct or else it's evidence of something wrong with my brain. I keep dissociating so much because of it. :(
Also constantly afraid that I’m losing memories!
@okuuuuu Yes, I’ve been having a memory ocd flare up for the past couple weeks! It’s happened many times before. I constantly re analyze past conversations, things I’ve done on certain days, and experiences to test my memory and see if it’s working okay.
@Pedro 🌎 - I have been memory testing non-stop, even about streets in my neighborhood to ensure I haven't forgotten where I live or how to get around. It's such a bizarre and frustrating theme.
@Anonymous Yes, the memory testing is extremely distressing. My memory-testing also includes thinking of songs I know at the top of my head, places in my area (like parks, ponds, etc), where I’ve seen certain things, and what experiences and events I’ve had and lived during previous months. It’s gotten in the way of work, because I’ll just freeze in place during a task and memory-test.
@Pedro 🌎 - Do you find that the more you memory test, the more your cognition feels foggy? It's like my OCD is making the thing I'm most afraid of feel real. Mine has been especially bad anytime I'm in the car. I feel desperate to know every street and building and direction. I struggle with navigation and just generally suck with directions, so a lot of the time I end up convincing myself that I'm slowly losing my ability to recall or think clearly. It's such a strange theme, but I can't seem to shake it. I'm sorry you're in the same boat, but it's helpful to know we aren't alone!
@Anonymous Yes I do! I call it a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more compulsions you do to alleviate the anxiety of losing memory, the more foggy your memory becomes. Our brains want us to believe we are losing memory, but there’s a part of us that should know that memories come naturally , triggered by certain things like sights, smells, sounds, and the world around you In general; my brain doesn’t listen to that though. Memory-testing is one of the most extreme forms of OCD I have Ever had.
@Anonymous Also, OCD drains a significant amount of your brain’s energy sources. That’s why we feel tired, foggy, anxious, and just done with after a severe ocd attack.
What does your dissociation feel like? Can you explain what you feel? Are you taking anything to help manage?
I mostly experience derealization, so I feel like there's a barrier between me and the environment. Things feel...off. It's like I'm dreaming or like I ate an edible but I didn't. It's like I'm floating around in a cloud, but it's not pleasant, it's distressing because I feel far away from my life, if that makes sense. The environment sometimes looks a bit distorted and I get scared or disoriented at times. Nothing bad has ever actually happened when I dissociate, but I've become obsessive about checking if I'm feeling "here" or "real." I think resisting it and trying to fight it makes it worse, so I'm doing my best to decrease compulsions around it. I have been dealing with it on and off for years. I take Fluoxetine to manage anxiety and OCD, but it doesn't really help too much with the foggy feeling. Do you also experience something similar?
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