ROCD or unattraction

So I have been treated poorly in relationships for a long time. My first one was 2 years of emotional, mental, financial, and sexual abuse back in high school, my second was amazing with tons of physical attraction but he was later emotionally unavailable so we broke up, and I was also groomed in a friendship and I have an emotionally abusive stepmother all in the span of about 4 years. So I have not been in a great spot with relationships and have told myself that I would not get into a new one unless I was sure about everything to a degree. I recently started going out with this new guy this week. Absolute precious sweetheart and he hasn’t done anything wrong at all. We love all the exact same things, love being goofy and weird, and I had an amazing time with him in the first date (yesterday) and had nothing bad to say whatsoever and had no fears or anything. And I was pretty attracted to him physically too and many times I wanted to cuddle with him or hold his hand but we haven’t done any of that yet because we are still in the stage of getting to know each other. Then the second date tonight was different. I started to notice certain super small things he did (like if he made a cringe joke or something) and it gave me a slight “ick” and it was so overwhelming and I couldn’t enjoy it nearly as much as the other night. I started to wonder if I was really attracted to him or if I was just pretending to like him. I also was thinking of the second guy I dated where I was always super physically attracted to him but we just weren’t emotionally compatible. I compare this new guy to my previous boyfriend physically and I just get so in distress in the differences. And I felt bad and sobbed to my roommates tonight in fear because he is so sweet and kind and there are times where I AM attracted to him but I can’t stop fixating on the way he looks when he laughs or some of the random jokes he says and my brain is telling me those are dealbreakers and that I’m jus leading him on 😭 PLEASE HELP!!