Just want to put some energy out

OCD is the worst part of my life in every way. I cannot begin to explain the levels of torment I’ve felt since my daughter was born 7 months ago. My life has come to a screeching halt and all progress I made personally, in regard to managing OCD, has been nearly completely wiped from existence. I like to explain it as I’m a dude running through a vast open field during an artillery bombardment and I’m lucky to find a little hiding spot where I can think for just a moment and collect myself. I find it debilitating and it’s hard to explain to other people just how awful it is, especially in regards to things such as POCD magic OCD etc. people cannot understand because it’s so irrational and so hard to empathize with somebody in our shoes. I just wanted to kinda throw this out here, it’s how I’ve been feeling lately and my therapist isn’t talking for a while.

Burnsey

Date posted: Yesterday

My brands of OCD became worse after becoming a parent, I think because of the immense new responsibility. Mine revolve around fears of being thrown into prison for various things. Generally, probably because I’m a lawyer, I turn anything I perceive as immoral into a legal crisis which ends with me being taken from my children. One part of me knows it’s not true, but the other part says, “But what if . . . “ And then begins the cycle of ruminating some wild sequence as I spend weeks or months on trial in my mind nearly all day it seems. I think the overwhelming emotions of parenthood bring OCD to a new level sometimes. At least that seems like my own experience. So you’re not alone with this rush of new OCD ideations. I think it preys on what you abhor the most. Maybe there’s comfort in that. Somewhere.

shanghighmonk

Date posted: 23h

@Burnsey I believe your theory is correct in that becoming a parent is just so much that it overwhelms whatever it is inside of us that’s the root of our problems. I will often have a specific fear, health related more common than not, that sticks with me constantly for 3-4 months until my brain is either, A. completely preoccupied by something external or B. I find a new irrational fear to be sick over constantly. Then from there the other subsets of ocd begin to poke their head day in day out. I also like how you pointed out that the things we hate most often become the things that it attaches to. I’d never thought of it but you’re absolutely correct. Cancer, car crashes, war, pedophiles, all things I absolutely despise yet they live rent free in my head constantly. I appreciate that input

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m right there with you but we have to try and find community and help with others when we can’t reach our therapists. Pocd is a so fucking hard but we really have to yell at it and tell it fuck off and label it as OCD noise. It’s the OCD this isn’t real. I felt like I was drowning in it last night but I had a good cry and now I’m looking for support and giving support and it really helps me

MattthewRyan

Date posted: Yesterday

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.

shanghighmonk

Date posted: Yesterday

@MattthewRyan Thank you. This disease is truly awful. I only wonder how successful and happy I would be had I been born without these issues. All drive and confidence has been stripped from me and I just want to breathe again.

Burnsey

Date posted: 22h

No problem. My own experience is that unless we express it, no one else will know and unless we work through it together we will feel alone, different, and ultimately anxious and depressed. There is a benefit to knowing you are not alone in a struggle, that in this way, despite what you may think, you are not the only one. It’s a great time to NOT be unique, because you have fellow OCDers who know what you’re going through. OCD comes in waves. The easy ones are the ones that you don’t fear as much, don’t abhor as much. The tougher ones are the ones that prey on certain deep fears or things that mortify you. Then the doubt creeps in, and that’s what OCD seems to feed on - doubt, uncertainty. Know this: we do not have to know everything, and we do not live in a certain world. I have only found one thing that is always the same, always certain: God. All else can be fickle, can be changed, can be altered or manipulated. That’s my take.

Burnsey

Date posted: 22h

And the waves change, from health OCD to other variations for me. You have to recognize what it is and then begin to let it go. Our problem is the loop we get caught on. Other people don’t get caught on it. They’re able to step off. We must find ways to step off.

Anonymous

Date posted: 22h

I completely understand how u feel . I know how hard it is to want that break and to wish u could live like normal people it’s horrible horrible. I will Pray for you . Just know ur not alone

Asiaaaa

Date posted: 20h

I know how you feel! My OCD latched onto spiritual stuff and it makes me so irritated because there is no reason for that topic to be such a big thing in my life. I’m going through a little bit of a flare up right now and it gives me so much anxiety about it potentially getting worse- so I get you! I always tell myself that I’m so much stronger than OCD. You will get through this!

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