Spouse is going through depression

It’s hard and I’m so sad for him. It’s hard to help someone that has a mental illness while I have one myself. I’m noticing it’s bringing forward a lot of anxiety and feelings that I’m not comfortable with. Not to mention, part of what’s making him depressed is he is wondering if we have grown apart in our marriage. He’s going to therapy for many reasons but one of the reasons is for him to eventually level out to a point where he can make a sound decision about whether or not to move forward in our marriage. This has been so hard for me to ignore. I seek reassurance constantly and if I don’t get it my mind spirals. I know that while he’s feeling really low it’s not the time for me to seek reassurance but since he can’t give me that I’m so scared. Scared of what comes next. Scared for how divorce could affect my son. And also so sad because I love him so much and it’s hard to picture life moving forward without him. I keep messing up and escalating things because I can’t stop my impulse of seeking reassurance. I feel so stupid. And angry. And sad. So very sad. My husband says right now he doesn’t feel like leaving me but he wants to explore with his therapist why he has felt that way in the recent past. And when I ask for reassurance he says, “I can’t give you that. What if I say yes we are staying together and then in a month I decide I’m out.” Hearing that terrifies me. Idk what I’m expecting to hear from this place. Maybe I just need somewhere to let it all out to strangers instead of family that could judge.

Steve.Ribby

Date posted: Yesterday

First of all, it's absolutely normal to be struggling right now. However, with OCD, this is a lot worse. The reassurance chasing will put pressure on the both of you. A couple of things here... Try journaling. Write it down without saying it. That'll give him space but allow you to get your feelings out. Also, work on yourself. Don't zoom in on him and whats going on. Just try to take time for yourself.

Anonymous

Date posted: 19h

@Steve.Ribby It’s so hard I ask for reassurance every day and he’s told me he feels like I’m pressuring him. He says right now he wants to choose me and choose our marriage but he can’t gurantee the future and it’s freaking me out. I’m spiraling

AllisonRojas

Date posted: Yesterday

I’ve been where you are now and It’s an incredibly painful place to be. Sending love your way. I wish you the very best 🙏🩷

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

@AllisonRojas How did you over come it

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

How did you over come it

AllisonRojas

Date posted: Yesterday

@Anonymous Time, focusing my energy on taking care of my own mental health, and most importantly trusting that God can work all things out for my good. My marriage is still in a rocky place, but I believe that if I do my part it will work out the way it’s meant to, whatever that might look like. I know that’s probably not what you want to hear. I wish I had a better solution to share with you.

Dude01

Date posted: Yesterday

Sucks. I don't have any advice but hoping for the best. I wish people wouldn't make life-changing permanent decisions WHILE going through mental health issues. A lot of people got divorced during or after covid. It's like dude, give it some time! If you love him and he loves you, the relationship deserves it. But it takes 2 to tango. Like OCD and Depression are going to negatively affect things. Especially people that have Relationship OCD etc. It's not business as usual, and depending on the severity, it can cause a lot of issues, it can make people emotionally numb, it can create anxiety over the relationship etc etc etc. Is it the depression talking or is really how he feels? etc etc... GL!

NatSwai

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 10h

I’m so sorry. This would be incredibly triggering for my ROCD and I can’t even imagine. I definitely recommend considering couples therapy/counseling to navigate this difficult time. You deserve to be a party to the discussions of next steps and feelings with the help of a professional. I hope everything works out for your family

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