I finally figured it out, I was assaulted at work and i currently still work there but ever since then ive been having anxiety that it can happen again or i can be one which scared me the most because I have really bad intrusive thoughts and images to the point where it’s real and now those images are coming back and I’m convinced I really did those things like what that man did to me what do I do??
Breathe. Sit with the distress and uncertainty. Do not engage with the thoughts. As difficult as that sounds, you are the only one who can break the loop/cycle. Say, "maybe, maybe not" and do not do any compulsions. It will only get worse. Checking your response to the thoughts, ruminating on if those things happened or will, reassuring yourself that they won't or can't, etc. You need to starve OCD. It thrives off of your fear of the unknown. It goes after our core values. I'm so sorry that that happened to you and I hope that your assaulter gets punished.
@izzyshaw17 I’m trying to convince myself to go with the anxiety of the moment I felt the last time and how my family would want me around if it actually happened. I hope I’m right and I’m just not some monster.
@Anonymous This sounds like reassurance, but monsters do not fear being monsters.
@izzyshaw17 I didn’t realize it was reassurance, I’m sorry. It’s a habit I’m just convinced this isn’t ocd especially because I don’t have an actual diagnosis.
@izzyshaw17 Also I’m on active meditation and been in meditation for since last year and nothing is working so for this to get through the anxiety meds says ALOT
@Anonymous No, no I wasn't saying your words were reassuring. I was adding a disclaimer before my own statement, "Monsters do not fear being monsters" because THAT is likely a form of reassurance. I just felt the need to try to help. I struggle with the same issue: worrying that I'm a bad person. You're not alone. It doesn't matter if you're diagnosed yet, what matters is that you're doing what it takes to get better/help and recognizing OCD.
@izzyshaw17 Thank you really, trying to debate if my life is worth living because I’m convinced these are actual memories of things I did or not and you’re really helping me a lot. Idk what else to do but try to ignore but it is in fact hard
@Anonymous I'm noticing that you are feeding OCD by agreeing with it/compulsively reasoning with it. "This proves/says a lot about me" is a compulsion and it will make your situation worse. Maybe you're a monster, maybe you're not. Sit with the uncertainty and I hope you see results. This kind of theme is not at all easy to sit with. It's painful. I know because I've had this same worry. It gets worse before it gets better. Hang in there.
@Anonymous I will hold your hand via the Internet and tell you earnestly that I am here for you and I see you. These false memories and intrusive images are a storm that will pass and the sun will shine on you again.
@izzyshaw17 🫂is it cool to talk about this with you whenever I feel down?
@Anonymous Yes 🙂↕️ as long as you are not seeking reassurance.
@izzyshaw17 😂no promise I won’t, I have no friends with the same thoughts and it would be nice to actually express the current thought and not be labeled crazy. I have an appointment with a therapist on the 17th but I might schedule one here for an actual diagnosis.
@Anonymous Okay, good 😹 I feel the same way. I get so scared to speak about my intrusive thoughts because I worry how people will view me. That's such a coincidence because my birthday is the 17th 🫣. I hope you find a good therapist that works with you and aids you in your journey. I also hope ERP can make OCD smaller for you.
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