Rocd and getting back with ex

I broke up with my boyfriend almost a week ago because of how he was treating me but hes been super sad and swears he’s going to work on himself because of how much he loves and cares about me.. i want to believe him but part of me also worries is this just some sort of tactic to reel me back in and it’s just gonna be the same?? I also feed bad if I do give him another chance because I already vented to my best friend and mom about him.. which I would’ve never told them anything unless I was DONE. So now I just feel bad for talking bad about him when he’s willing to try so hard to get me back. Ugh idk I’m torn between constant feelings of feeling bad, missing and loving him a lot still, stressed about having to explain my reasonings for taking him back, feeling unsure, etc. Any advice from anyone who has been in this position😭

Anonymous

Date posted: 22h

I don’t know your situation, but I went back to my ex because I thought things would get better and he cried about how much he messed up and things got a whole lot worse. I am broken up for good now

13)anonymous

Date posted: 21h

@Anonymous I’m so sorry you went through this 😔 this is exactly what I’m worried about as well. I’m glad you had the courage to leave and put yourself first

Anonymous

Date posted: 22h

Remember that the loneliness and him feeling bad are temporary

13)anonymous

Date posted: 21h

@Anonymous That’s very true.. if he proves himself to be the same I need to remember this. Thank you!!

Chosen7

Date posted: 21h

You are so welcome, you got this!!!!!

Chosen7

Date posted: 22h

Only you can make that decision, it doesn’t matter what they could or would think. I know ocd can make you overly care about peoples opinions of you. Just remember you vented to them because you needed a listening ear NOT a decision maker over your life, I think moving forward set that boundary at the beginning with family and friends. Saying things like, “Hay I just need a “listening” ear right now.” This sets the stage for them to know 1. You’re not looking for opinions and 2. That you will specifically ask for opinions/ advice if you want it. Keeps you in the drivers seat. I think it would be beneficial if you write down the pros and cons to (being with) him on one page and pros and cons to (being without) him on the backside. Evaluate both sides. I won’t tell you to go back or leave. However I would much rather you make an INFORMED decision. One where you are fully aware of your own thoughts, feelings, wants, & needs, one also where you have weighed out your options, a full overview of self not him, of self. It’s your book and you get to decide who’s in which chapters. I will say if you decide to go back, make sure he proves change first, don’t over glorify the things he “should” be doing. Example: He doesn’t get praise for respecting you, treating you right because he should do that. Give subtle appreciation to the moments of his progression in problem areas to encourage him this keeps you at a safe distance as well. Potential to be a good bf is totally different than BEING a good bf. Know your worth in all things. Sending you strength to make the right decision:)

13)anonymous

Date posted: 21h

@Chosen7 Wow I appreciate this so much🥹 you’re right, caring about peoples’ opinions/ what they think of a situation has always been one of my biggest struggles. I just need to do what’s best for me.. thank you!🩷

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