Partner or relationship focused OCD which is worse

I guess I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ve had ROCD for much of my relationship with my now fiance, and it’s just morphed while in different stages of our relationship. First, I was uncertain whether to date him. I came from quite a religious background (no more), so dating was akin to planning on getting married. I put a lot of pressure on myself to decide “could I see myself marrying him?” which is hard to do without dating someone, ha. Then, in our relationship, I fixated a lot on whether I could trust him and the depth of his feelings for me. My worries were endless and unfounded. I engaged in a lot of reassurance seeking behaviors with him and online, intense rumination etc. Now that I’m engaged, I’m suddenly panicked and questioning my own feelings toward him. All my past “doubts” are used against me in my mind, which makes our relationship feel doomed. It’s very scary to deal with “Do I love him in a forever way?” kind of thoughts because they feel more in my control. Like, I could decide I don’t. But on what basis? Anyway, have people gone through all these types of ROCD? When doubting your own feelings, did it feel the worst like it does for me? What exposures did you do or how did you manage your thoughts to cope?