Dealing with OCD and grief

My family had to put my 14 year old dog down on Friday. She was always there with me and was such a part of my routine and life. I'm currently at work after 3 days off because I know I have to try to live my life normally. But my thoughts and feelings just feel so much harder to manage here without my family. I keep wanting to cry and feel my emotions as they come instead of pushing them down. But the emotion felt so overwhelming that I was afraid I would lose control, which is my biggest fear. On top of that, of course OCD is incredible at coming up with the worst thoughts during this time. "What if I wanted her to die? What if she's sad in heaven because she thought I wanted her to die? What could I have done differently? What if God will punish me for letting her die?" And of course some existential thoughts on top of those, because there's nothing I can do to go back in time and fix it. There's no getting her back. My life is different now and I just have to deal with it. Has anyone dealt with this before or currently dealing with it? I know I'm not alone in grieving my dog, but the thoughts on top of it makes it even harder. Everyone in my family seems to be able to move on so easily, and it's eating me up. I know it comes in waves and that's ok. I just want to be able to ride the waves better.

pureolife

Date posted: Yesterday

I find these everyday experiences that are normally already so hard are often triggers for ocd. First of all: I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It probably feels pretty awful. Can you call a family member on breaks? Maybe set aside time to talk and feel your feelings then. All of your obsessions about somehow being responsible or done something wrong or punishment are obviously ocd doing what it does: attacking what you care about the most. Just know that these thoughts are actually a sign that your love was very real and deep. And that’s why you ocd is going after it. Again I’m so sorry. I hope you know they are lies. Everyone grieve differently and in their own time. If your timeline is a little slower that’s okay. You also don’t know exactly how everyone is feeling and I’m sure it is getting to them more than they want to let on but they’re trying to be strong. Being willing to be vulnerable and honest with your pain is also a strength. This will get better eventually. For now, just accept that you have a few sad days ahead. And that’s ok.

Anonymous

Date posted: Yesterday

I’m not sure if I have any advice or guidance, but I can say that my family dog also passed away on Wednesday and I have these same fears. Like my fears of her dying manifested it somehow. I completely understand how you’re feeling. It’s overwhelming - but you’re not alone. I found that talking out loud about things I love about her helped a ton. Things she loved, etc. even writing her a note (and maybe writing a response to myself as her!).

Tea and Honey

Date posted: Yesterday

Tea and Honey

Date posted: Yesterday

@Tea and Honey So sorry to hear about you loss:(:( I can relate to many of the things you said. I also fear losing control of my emotions. However, you are right in allowing yourself to feel the emotions. That is how we as humans experience grief, which leads to healing. You don't want to truncate the process. The OCD thoughts are typical. But it sounds like you are doing a good job identifying the OCD thoughts, which is good. Just remember that OCD is a liar. Is always going to try to lie to you and make you as miserable as possible. That's OCD's job.

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