Harm ocd

I’m finding it hard to defend myself against these thoughts and ‘evidence’ that my brain is coming up with. It feels all too real. I don’t feel happy, everytime I try to do something to make myself feel normal, I get this feeling like eerie, sick feeling come over me as if ‘no your evil’ and I start thinking I’m bad and can’t do normal things. Also even when I’m not having intrusive thoughts I start thinking and imagining scenarios of me being evil on purpose and i don’t know why I’m doing that. Like randomly imagining go downstairs to get a knife and acting out on the stabbing thoughts and that makes me think I’m actually evil because why am I imagining it for no reason 🙁🙁

Campbellsoup

Date posted: 2d

This is what’s going on with me right now. You just have to refocus and call it what it is. My thoughts are with my family. I told my mom about it and we decided to name my ocd. This way it’s kind of like putting a name to a face, which helps to call it what it is. I just tell it you’re ridiculous and try to refocus and be present in what I’m doing. The worst thing you can do is wallow in the feeling and allow it to take over your brain. Keep your brain busy with things you enjoy, and grounding techniques, see a therapist. You just need to regain control, which seems so so hard. I’ve had a lot of rough days recently and it’s taking a tole. I always say that my brain is crazy, but my mind is truly who I am. Most people who harm others have always had these thoughts and don’t feel distress when they come up. “Defending” yourself against them is like telling a little sibling to stop messing with you. It’s just going to provoke them and OCD is the same. I hope that you find some peace soon, if you ever need someone to bounce your thoughts off of lmk. OCD is sick and all consuming, it wants you to be alone.

lu22

Date posted: Yesterday

@Campbellsoup I try to distract myself but Its so hard sometimes. Especially because im desensitised and don’t react much to the thoughts. I would like to have someone to talk to about this as I’m not Currently in therapy 🙁

Campbellsoup

Date posted: Yesterday

I’ve found that talking, actually engaging in the conversation, or even reading something out loud or singing a song pushes the thoughts back. Once they aren’t in the front of your brain you literally just have to move on. My therapist says it’s basically like you saying to yourself I’m going to workout today or I’m going to do this today and then you never end up doing it. I don’t know if that makes sense. A lot more people than you might think have thoughts like this but the difference is with OCD it sticks around, thus the o in OCD. You’re not crazy, these thoughts can feel super real, desensitizing isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and you already said you don’t react much to your thoughts. If you feel like therapy might be the next step for you I strongly advise that you get in with somebody, even if it’s just to have a professional sounding board. I love my therapist and I almost always leave the session feeling better.

lu22

Date posted: Yesterday

@Campbellsoup Thanks for the advice I appreciate it I will try what you said as well 🙁 I get stuck because I start focusing on the anxious/urge feelings and feel like they mean that I’m evil then I start deliberate imagining acting on the thoughts to ‘test myself’ as a mental compulsion 🙁

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