ROCD - ending a relationship then reuniting

Hello, I am in a relationship right now and I feel as though I am doing something wrong by staying in the relationship. I don’t know if that’s how you felt. I’ve had a rocky but short relationship history. I think my advice is to act yourself and remember that what is left unsaid is unknown, so communication is key. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Also, my faith and pray has helped me too. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

💯 Thank you so much. What you said really hit home. Reminding myself that if it is meant to be then it will be has honestly been the most freeing part of all this. This has been a four year relationship with a few breakups along the way, mostly because our attachment styles were not lining up. But something really shifted recently. Working with my therapist and NOCD and even talking things out with ChatGPT helped something finally click. I have started to actually rewire my anxious attachment in a real way. Before, because of ROCD and the constant fear that she was cheating on me, I would get anxious and paranoid and reach out nonstop for reassurance. That fear basically controlled everything. Now I am able to sit with the feelings instead of reacting to them, and it has completely changed our dynamic. I am not chasing anymore, she is reaching out more, and I have been building a fuller life for myself. Before, she had become one hundred percent of my world because the fear and obsession took over. Letting go of that has been incredibly empowering, and honestly it feels like it has changed our relationship in a huge way. Maybe that is why I am a little nervous about tonight. We have this playful thing going on about hanging out as friends, but we both know it is not really just friends. I think part of her is still not totally sure that the change in me is real, but she does know I am committed and doing the work, whether therapy or ERP, to stay in this calmer and healthier space. I also really connected with what you said about how staying in the relationship before would not have been right. I did not have the tools then, and my ROCD was hurting both me and her. But with a great therapist, medication, and a real dedication to never going back to that anxious place of waiting by the phone and assuming she was secretly talking to someone else if I did not hear from her for an hour, I finally feel like I am breaking that cycle. Stay strong, keep your faith, and like you said, if it is meant to be then it will be. 💛 (Sorry for the long reply 🤦🏻‍♂️)