Recovered

Hi! 👋 Fellow SOOCD person here. When I first began therapy, I really wanted to work hard to be completely “cured” or “recovered”. What I discovered (that was very hard to accept) is that this didn’t help me improve. I would continually check on whether I was or was not “cured”—which distracted me from the process of gradual improvement, which actually leads to the results I wanted. After lots of work, am I cured? No. My SOOCD has morphed to target new fears several times. What has changed is my ability to handle it! Here are some things that helped me get there: • *Reading targeted ERP scripts that evoked the fear and allowed me to sit with it.* For example, “I may or may not be gay. I may…” etc. • *Deciding to stop caring about labels or worrying about what my brain or body finds attractive.* There are BILLIONS of people on earth, and that means I am going to see a lot of attractive people of any gender. I can acknowledge someone is attractive —and even enjoy their beauty—without being creepy or jumping to conclusions about myself or fearing what it might mean. Beautiful things are nice to have in life. Why ruin it by worrying when I can simply enjoy that these things exist? • *Learning to stop fearing my sexuality and be curious instead*. There are intrusive thoughts that are ego-dystonic, and then there are thoughts that cause serious distress—but are *not* ego-dystonic. Sorting through these with my therapist helped me learn more about my own sexuality. Instead of running from something I feared, I’ve embraced a part of me that was trying to get my attention. It has been a beautiful and indescribable feeling to live and embrace all of myself without letting the fear that “my sexuality might flip” terrorize me daily. I hope anybody with SOOCD keeps working with their therapist to find similar solutions and peace! My SOOCD is still here and morphing, but I don’t have to engage with it. I can choose to enjoy life without living in fear. Best of luck to you on your journey! Hang in there!!