I don’t know what to do

Recently i got stuck in a loop with a terrible intrusive thought about my boyfriend. it’s been rattling in my mind and i feel disgusted and scared and like an evil horrible person. i keep saying things like “intrusive thoughts attack who/what you care about the most” but i think my compulsion (researching; looking up ocd intrusive thoughts and watching others experiencing the same thing) had made it hard to believe that. Im not super concerned about the harm portion because im beating it but now its turned me numb towards my boyfriend after feeling so guilty and scared and everything. i just don’t know what to do its like my body and brain is trying to push me away. we also spend every single day together so im wondering if maybe thats why its so bad? like i feel AWFUL. and i cant stop crying and i havent told him any of this because i don’t want to scare him or make him think im crazy. any tips or words would be appreciated.

OCD newbies

Fcukocd

Date posted: Yesterday

I’ve had similar thoughts about my babymum, as long as you have no desire to act on those thoughts, everything will be okay, have you considered telling him that you have OCD first and that it causes you to have bad thoughts? And then if he asks what they are you could maybe tell him that way? Not necessarily telling him what the thought is directly, but maybe saying that you have thoughts of harming people you love? It’s a common symptom of OCD and I’m sure he’d appreciate you telling him and allowing him to be there for you and being open with him would most likely be a good thing, I can’t speak for every man but I know if my girlfriend had OCD and I thought something was wrong I would want to be there no matter what, regardless of what it was, I’m sure your OCD is making you think the worst of how he’d react, which was the same for me for a while, I bottled up those thoughts to the point of nearly exploding and the only thing that’s helped since is to unload those thoughts with someone I trust, in your case, it would be your boyfriend, I know it’s easier said than done but try not to be scared of how people will react because most of the time, they react the exact opposite of how we expect

abbeyhaas

Date posted: Yesterday

@Fcukocd it’s so good to know i’m not like the only person. i never would ever act on the thoughts ever but it’s like the intrusive thoughts once you continue to think about them continue to spiral into the most horrendous things. and i would never just randomly think of things like that normally. like i never have. and it feels like i have to prove that i wouldn’t. it’s so strange and awful. and i have been feeling so guilty and disgusted with myself for so long that i’ve become numb which i think i find scarier, i don’t know. i’m currently waiting for an appointment with my doctor but it’s just like how much can one brain handle?😭😭

Fcukocd

Date posted: Yesterday

@abbeyhaas I know exactly how you feel, when the intrusive thoughts occur so much that you become numb to them, which as you said then becomes even scarier, because even that, your OCD will feed on, it will be like “why aren’t you terrified? What does that mean?” And it will be like falling down stairs, OCD can be a living nightmare, especially when it makes you question your character and your morals, just know that it will be okay, and you won’t act on these thoughts, and that they’re only thoughts, they only become a problem for people like us because instead of just being a thought like it would be to anyone else,for us it becomes an obsession, which makes it debilitating and exhausting, I know exactly how you feel, you aren’t alone

abbeyhaas

Date posted: Yesterday

@Fcukocd has it ever made you feel kind of like you’re floating or “out of body”? like dissociated? i try to ground myself but idk sometimes i just feel so strange

Fcukocd

Date posted: Yesterday

@abbeyhaas Yeah I quite often feel separated, like I’m there but im not actually there because I’m trapped in my head, I quite often have whole conversations and won’t even remember the conversation because the dissociation gets that bad, it’s the worst when I snap back into it and I think to myself “how and what did I do to get here?”

gabriellaek

Date posted: Yesterday

I have experienced this same exact thing and i have the same exact compulsion. I also get scared to talk about it for the same reasons. I have had the harm ocd theme on and off fir about a year and had it in my childhood as well. You have to remind yourself it will pass and that you are a person with empathy and emotions before these thoughts and you still are. Ocd makes you feel not like yourself. You got this!!

abbeyhaas

Date posted: Yesterday

@gabriellaek right?? the craziest thing is i’m literally in school to become a nurse. i’m not this twisted person my brain is making me think i am. and i know that. but it’s like there’s an argument in my brain where im like “im a good person and i know that” and then the other part is like “no you’re not. you’re an insane serial killer narcissistic psycho” and it’s like WHAT???? i know it will pass, but like i just don’t know how it will pass if its all my brain will let me think about. i feel so defeated :(

anonymous737...

Date posted: 24w

someone pls answer!

I have ocd, i have crazy intrusive thoughts that make me super uncomfortable, the thing is i understand that ocd goes against your morals and try’s to make you feel like a bad person but how do i avoid pushing people away while trying to treat my ocd.. i love my boyfriend so so much but when i get intrusive thoughts about hurting his feelings or doing something terrible it scares me so bad that i’m scared to be around him because in my head it’s like “why am i even thinking of this if i love him so much” and i know i would never do anything to hurt him but i just feel terrible because he’s an amazing boyfriend and i have all these bad thoughts. :(

MM311

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 21w

relationship ocd?

for me it’s getting to the point where i don’t feel in love with my boyfriend anymore. i’m trying to keep myself from compulsing since my compulsions are all mental. it’s like the thoughts consume my mind every second of every day and i can’t catch a break. it’s like i want to be with him so bad but my brain won’t allow me. any advice?

Justmesadly

Date posted: 14w

Spiraling

Please help I am having the worst spiral I have had in 5 years. I am doing so bad to the point I could not even sleep. I’m so scared, anxious and confused. I did ocd therapy for a long time and my therapist told me I was doing so well I needed to stop. Which I was until about 2-3 weeks ago it started back super bad. And now as of yesterday the intrusive thoughts feel more definitive. They are making me spiral, it literally feels like my brain is jumping from side to side. I love my boyfriend more than I knew was humanly possible. I haven’t lost my attraction to him, not that I know of… I don’t want to break up with him bc i love him, I think he’s hot, I want to marry him but I’m terrified that I am just lying and that the feelings never were true! I don’t know how to make it stop. I tried all night not to research and I had to give in. 😭 this is hell

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

I don’t know what to do

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community