I feel like a creep

My OCD is playing whack a mole but I can’t even tell if it’s OCD anymore or if I’m just a horrible person. I made a joke when my friend mentioned a video game and I replied “gooner game” and then went “just kidding” (me and one of my friends in that group typically joke like this) My other friend said “eww” and started laughing, and even if the vibes were lighthearted I now I feel like I’m a weird creep. I’m worried I should have kept my mouth shut bc the other friend is younger than me (they’re not a minor). And even then, I feel like I still majorly overstepped and feel gross. Esp because im the oldest of the group and I should be leading by example. I’m so grossed out at myself for saying such an awful thing. I’m spiraling yet again. Ugh

samaira44

Date posted: 3d

So I'm no expert but I don't think you had bad intentions and saying a stupid joke isn't a sign you're a bad person, it means you're human. That whack-a-mole thing is so relateable. I'm not diagnosed but lately that's how my mind had felt like

inky

Date posted: 3d

@samaira44 Thank you for your reply!! I’m trying to look at it from another perspective, that I’m not a bad person, but it just sucks that I can’t take that comment back. Ugh. I worry I made them feel uncomfortable and to me & that’s WAY against my moral code if I did…like I don’t know if I should bring it up next time or apologize for even saying that. Apart of me believes they likely forgot about it bc we ended the night on a good note and there were no weird vibes at all but on the ride home I couldn’t even talk properly bc I was so in my head observing everything about that moment. Whack-a-mole is literally from a video about OCD I saw awhile back and it fit my themes so well, like it bounces around themes and can’t be consistent. I’m just obsessing about every moment and I can’t catch my breath at times. I really hope you can get a diagnosis soon 🙏

GuiguiWerewolf

Date posted: 3d

Sexual themes jokes are so common, especially when having fun speaking with friends or playing video games. For instance, I'm 30 years old, some of my friends I play with regularly are 24 or 22 years old. They and I initiate a lot of jokes, even weird ones as yours! Another friend of the same age as me is a literal jokes factory, and keep making weird or awkward ones at some points, and he is one of the nicest person ever. I was too trying to let go my usual jokes, thinking I might be "punished" somehow for making them (magical thought OCD), but then I started to get free with them and enjoying the laughs with my friends! It didn't happen that someone complained about one, but if it happens in the future, we'll I'll take credits for it, apologize if needed, and that's a normal human mistake everyone made and will made eventually, just acknowledge it and people (if they are mature enough) will go on with it too.

Serio?

Date posted: 3d

Maybe ERP around the uncertainty around the moral fabric of your character?

samaira44

Date posted: 3d

Thank you! I'm not sure if I have ocd but it would be nice to get some clarity. As for your friend (take this advice with a grain of salt), I dont think you have to bring it up and like you said, they probably forgot. I would first see how they are acting and if things feel awkward/uncomfortable. If that's the case, then you could bring it up and see how they felt about it. Otherwise, don't stress and just keep being a good person (which trust me, even if your brain likes to convince you of the opposite, you are)!

This Too Sha...

Date posted: 3d

Well maybe some would say that friend just can’t take a joke. It’s all about perspective, your ocd just likes to make you think you’re a terrible person🤷‍♀️

ghost

Date posted: 25w

Blurting things out loud (POCD and Real Event OCD)

i need some advice!! when i was 16, i was watching an anime and this character had abs and he was 12. i remember at the time (from what i can remember), i made a weird comment on his physique. saying things like “omg how did he become this buff haha.” and “oh im going to jail.” i even said “it’s only a 4 year difference.” like WHAT?!? just because it’s a 4 year difference, doesn’t make it okay. its WEIRD!! why would i say that? i also want to mention that i have a hard time keeping my thoughts to myself bc of my ADHD, so i tend to blurt things out. i just find it disturbing that i would have such thoughts, let alone say it out loud. i never had attraction to kids bc its immorally wrong and disgusting, but i feel no different from the ppl who would hurt children irl. I’ve tried forgive myself multiple times, but what i did is irredeemable. i feel like i am using my OCD as an excuse. i am so scared that i am a p, i want to d1e. my life is ruined.

tayanominous

Date posted: 24w

Did I act on the thoughts?

I worry people might get the wrong idea when I share this but I must post it because I’m scared so basically this is gonna sound weird but I have always sorta been a violent kid but in a normal way if that makes sense like if someone tris over I would find the ridiculously funny but what kinda confuses me is when loved ones hurt themselves I laugh it’s not like I’m putting it on idk I just randomly laugh and i find funny please don’t think I’m a bad person because I’m really not and I’m scared abt this but that’s not the point of this story so I will get to the pint now so basically I was walking upstairs and I hit my head on the door and my mum laughed at me and I said “its not funny I hit my head” and she said something else that made me angry I can’t remember and then I started to charge at her like I was gonna hit her or something and it scared me cuz I wanted to push her or something ( not harmful just like as a back off kinda thing) which I know it’s horrible writing it out but then while I had that urge to push it her or something I also got a groinal so then OCD was like ”you were gonna s3xualy attack just then and you liked it” and now I’m to scared to go near her just in case it happens again cuz I’ve been in a spiral for days now, again please don’t tell me I’m a bad person cuz I already feel like that cuz writing it out it sounds worse then it is irl im sorry if this was triggering and please reply and tell me your thoughts on this.

Givenup

Date posted: 14w

Pocd and gut feelimg

Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...

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