I keep remembering ways I have behaved based on my intrusive thoughts. Like I always had patterns of attention seeking even though I don’t want those people and love my fiancé more than anything in this world. And every single thing I remember, I feel like I have to explain it to him or else it means I am a liar and don’t deserve to move on from the feelings of shame and anxiety. He doesn’t want me to tell him about it all but I feel like I have to 😞
I hear you on that! It’s not that you’ve done anything wrong it’s just your brain trying to turn on itself. You are allowed to make jokes and have a good time with others, without it being seen as attention seeking. I have had to force myself to try not to give these thoughts attention, and give yourself grace. Every time I’ve “confessed” to my fiancé he has never been concerned or worried about my actions, so I try to keep that in the back of my mind and tell myself I did nothings wrong, I am loyal, and my fiancé loves me and I love him. It’s sooo hard but you got this!
@Natalie.b Some of the things I’ve done he’s told me it would at the time have made him upset because it was like for example me dancing in front of someone knowing they are watching and thinking to myself that they think I look good. And I hate it because I know I want only him but would act otherwise. I just hate myself for it and he’s been so understanding even though I’m so distressed 😞
@Kiki4623! Sometimes I just avoid a situation like that by cutting out locations that I know are gonna put me in a position where I act intrusively or set me up to overthink. Or if I have a thought to do something but I know I’ll overthink about the reason behind it (someone is watching or it’ll get me attention) I’ll just refuse to act on it because I know it’s not worth the overthinking in the long run. Also sometimes our guilt makes us confess in a guilty POV. You were dancing and somebody was watching and you felt confident in yourself in that moment. Your OCD is gonna make you out to be the bad guy when really it was just you having a good time dancing and you noticed someone was watching you. It sounds like your fiancé is an amazing human who supports you and your battle with OCD!! Don’t hate yourself, and give yourself grace.
@Natalie.b I appreciate your input so much girly thank you 🥺🥺🩷 truly means a lot!
Your ocd sounds like it’s branched out into relationship ocd on top of whatever other subtypes you experience. I have the exact same and it is a constant battle. The constant heavy feeling of shame deep in your stomach. You’re not alone and sometimes remembering that these thoughts are the product of ocd and there’s people struggling with the exact same thoughts as us. As hard as it is you need to sit with the uncertainty as if you don’t and you keep confessing and ruminating the obsession just grows stronger until it consumes you. Not every thought or memory has to be analysed, sometimes it just is what it is. When I feel the guilt I tell myself “I could confess this and upset my partner or I could just focus on creating a nice life for us both.” Honestly just that one thought has helped me with my relationship ocd a few times.
@This Too Shall Pass ♥️ Yeah it’s such a battle, but your words definitely mean the world right now and I appreciate it! 🥺🩷
Hi Everyone! I hope whoever is reading this is having a good day so far :) So for years now I’ve had very bad intrusive thoughts about things that I have done or embarrassing things that I’ve said or have happened and it’s mortifying and debilitating on a daily basis. Specifically these thoughts are mainly things that have occurred from 2018-2020 and some are more simple just as a stupid joke I made or being way too loud on calls while my family was trying to sleep and others being way more complex such as past relationships and how I’ve hurt some of the people I care the most about and when I have acted on intrusive thoughts and these thoughts will appear with no triggers at all I’ll just wake up and already have something I did just nagging me. I don’t want to live like this anymore and I’ve tried working through it with self compassion but sometimes the things I said or did back then it’s very hard to forgive myself for and I’ll reminisce on it for hours on hours, gaslight myself into believing that’s not how it happened and try to change the memory itself, or just suppress it entirely. I know those habits aren’t healthy and truly I want to get better but I don’t know how to overcome some of these thoughts. I have talked to my fiancé about this a few times and even today we talked about it and he fully supports me and is helping me work through it. I might also contact my sister too, I don’t talk to her overly too much but ever since I was little she’s thought I’ve had ocd and was one of the people who made me consider that I might have it (I’m still undiagnosed but I’ll try to when I have the money and time) and I know she could maybe provide some insight. Another thing that is troublesome about the situation is my other family members specifically my mom aren’t the most helpful and can trigger thoughts. To put it in perspective on how her thought process is and some background info she is an ER nurse and has been for 30 years due to this she believes she knows mainly everything there is about mental health and she gets extremely upset when I don’t take her advice or set boundaries. She’ll force me to talk to her about my problems and when I don’t want to she’ll pin me in a corner where I’m forced to and last summer I had a really bad episode and was really overstimulated and I just finished taking a shower and due to the water on me, my hair being wet (my hair is naturally curly and it takes forever to dry and it’s very draining taking care of even with a keratin treatment) and all the intrusive thoughts I was having and she forced me to talk to her and I did open up for the first time about my thoughts and brought up how sometimes I have thoughts of hurting my animals and it makes me physically sick. Her response to this was threatening to call the cops on me saying it was a behavioral thing and I was doing it for attention. I have never hurt any of my animals but later that day my cat came into my room and a few minutes later she comes up just gives me the death stare and after a few seconds just asks me “are you going to go kill snickers?” In the most condescending tone and she’s always like this daily where she’ll force advice onto me or get upset and yell and then reinforce thoughts I’m having. I just want to know first how to stop the thoughts from so frequently and how to heal in an environmental where it keeps reopening wounds despite trying to place boundaries? I’m sorry this is really long I usually do go really in detail about things and it’s just how I’ve always been. If anyone has any questions feel free to ask and I’ll answer them to the best of my ability. I really appreciate the time you took to read this and thank you for your help! 🥰
I have false memory real event ocd, I’ve been married 13 years and I used to constantly bring up past mistakes from when we were dating and it RUINED our marriage, but I got medication and therapy and things got better untill a few weeks ago where everything crumbled. I have a memory that is 13 years ago of me being intimate with my husband (than boyfriend) while being intimate I have a memory of sending a text to a male who obviously liked me but I didi not while my husband was under the covers . And I keep thinking over and over how disgusting and inappropriate it was to do that especially doing it in the middle of being intimate 😞. I have confessed this to my husband last year and he didint believe me saying it’s probably a made up memory and would are not a slut and wouldn’t do that. Now i have guilt all over again for weeks and it’s taking such a toll on me it’s all I think about and try to remember every detail I’ve thought about it so much I don’t even know if it’s 100 percent true. But I can vividly see it when I close my eyes. How do I get over this guilt without confessing? Confessing would absolutely destroy my husband.
I’ve been feeling the compulsion of confession again. I hate confessing things to my boyfriend I don’t want him to carry the burden. I’d rather hurt than him hurt. But I feel I did something wrong and he needs to know. Like I need to be punished or something. I may be over reacting to it but I just feel guilty and I had a panic attack when I woke up yesterday. I would never cheat on him. Just making guys laugh I feel like I am doing him wrong or flirting. And then when I notice it I just feel awful. I just want to be liked and noticed not romantically but just as a human. I don’t know why I act like this and feel the need to tell him as if I slept with someone. I think it’s attacking my biggest fear which is losing him. Does anyone have experience with this?
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