i’ve been having harm ocd thoughts for like a week straight. graphic images of hurting my family. i would never ever want to hurt them. i dont think i can do this anymore. they wont go away.
Have you tried ERP? That will help you so much if you consistently do it properly :)
@OneDayAtATimee i haven’t because i’m scared
@elwtdlmlily - Understandable! <3 May I ask what part you are afraid of? I've gone through ERP therapy for both Harm Ocd and POCD. So maybe I can give some advice from my experience
@OneDayAtATimee i guess it’s like the “what ifs” of it all. like if i were to do something to expose myself like hold a knife, what if i were to actually hurt someone with it?
@elwtdlmlily That’s what ERP is all about my friend! You are there to face the fear that your brain has made up. It’s all about accepting the uncertainty and saying “maybe I will, maybe I won’t.” I know that sounds TERRIFYING, but the more you do an exposure, the more you’ll end up not caring, and the anxiety will rise and fall, allowing your brain to see that you can handle it, and it’s just a dumb thought our brain threw at us. But it means so much to you because it completely goes against your values and morals. And that’s why you’re upset about it. ERP will teach to understand that just because you have an intrusive thought doesn’t mean you need to engage with the thought, check things, perform rituals, or avoid. The more you do compulsions and give into the fear, the more OCD will bully you. ERP is life changing, and you’ll be able to handle things so much better! I believe that you can do those exposures and get your life back :) 🩷
@elwtdlmlily Yeah I getchu! :) Thanks for sharing 🫶 1. Ocd is ego-dystonic, meaning it goes against our values. If you don’t wanna hurt someone, you won’t. I know it doesn’t feel like it when our intrusive urges and thoughts are so strong, but we are in control of our bodies and OCD cannot make us do things like we are puppets 2. Thoughts aren’t danger. We often catastrophize and imagine scenarios in our head that have no reflection on the current reality. “Thought-action fusion” is a cognitive distortion in which we think that if we simply think a thought, then that thought is true or will come true 3. We don’t grow in our comfort zones. If we stay in the same place, we won’t make any progress. We have to make changes to see changes :) The only way out of the OCD cycle is to resist compulsions around our triggers (exposures). The only way out is through. Avoiding ERP because we are afraid would be an avoidance compulsion, which feeds your OCD. If you do ERP and recover, you will feel so much freedom. Possibly even more freedom than you’ve ever felt before! ❤️🩹 Doing ERP feels like a risk and it feels dangerous in our heads but it’s not. That’s all a lie from the Ocd. ERP is terrifying and painful and difficult. I won’t lie about that. But it’s soooo worth it. You can reclaim your life back from Ocd
@OneDayAtATimee Exposures also get much easier with time. The beginning is often the hardest time for people but as you get used to the distress of resisting compulsions, you’ll start to feel how much more peaceful life feels NOT doing compulsions. And you’ll realize how painful a life with doing compulsions was. You start to feel more like you’re living life just as the average person would 🙏
I have all kinds of thoughts that aren’t me it feels like someone is talking to me telling me evil things about people or to do evil things 😞😞😞😞 I can’t do this anymore
I cant get over this thought that is messing my recovery up so much. it was “if you dont act on your thoughts this will never go away” which led to thoughts like if i even wanted to get better, if i even want my life back, if i even WANTED this to go away, etc. im scared. im confused. is this normal? am i gonna have to act on this stuff now? im mainly concerned about my family. i dont wanna hurt them. this disease is horrible. this subtype is horrible. i love my family. why would i want to hurt them? im so afraid this is it for me. i try to do what everyone tells me. ignore the thought, let it sit, sit with the uncertainty/discomfort but the anxiety doesn’t go away. this thought keeps coming back with a vengeance. i thought i was making great progress but im back where i was. i ruminate about this 24/7 and i dont know how to stop. we tried sitting on the couch together last night and it felt like i was RESISTING hurting them. im in constant awareness that i can act on these anytime and it hinders my daily life and work so much. everytime i talk to anyone in my family i feel things like i shouldnt be talking to them if im gonna hurt them and i dont deserve to be around them. i feel like i dont deserve to be alive, i dont deserve to be happy, and i dont deserve to be comfortable. i feel like a psycho whos never gonna get to live life with a husband and family. i feel like i don’t deserve my sweet boyfriend. i dont want my thoughts to latch onto him. this is my mind when i wake up, when i try to go about my day, and when i go to sleep. it feels like it just wont dissipate regardless of what i do. the cycle never ends. its been 4 MONTHS. what the fuck do i do anymore
i haven’t been diagnosed with ocd but I have anxiety about harming other people/family members and it’s like urges and im scared I actually want to do it? I don’t think I’ve ever been violent as a kid (im 21 now) and the intrusive thoughts don’t go away so im just stuck all day everyday for the past few weeks just thinking and being scared about it and im having all these weird emotions like being irritated and angry I don’t want to hurt people I don’t think idk why my mind is making me think I do I’ve had intrusive thoughts before that I could brush away sure it took like a day or two but this one is different it doesn’t go away and leaves me with the worst fear imaginable and nothing I look up that should be giving me relief is giving me relief + I feel like im not in control of my body and that im just gonna lose it and act on these thoughts it’s just all on a loop and im not sure how im supposed to live the rest of my life when im in constant fear of my self
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