A video came up on my fyp about digital footprint and I just realised that if you applied for jobs and so, people who are hiring you can check your footprint?? When things were bad, I would use ai with my real event— seeking reassurance with no filter. I would also cope using ai to escape reality and I’m just wondering what’s going to happen now? ( I’ve stopped doing it but I’m worried about the whole foot print thing. )
ai isnt really traceable like that a lot of stuffs only stored for a certain amount of time and i understand the guilt and anxiety and what-ifs about using the internet for a long time bit theres so much stuff on the internet so many similar usernames or whatever loads of it gets burried. worst case scenario make a professional email account and sign up to jobs with that
@mindfullymaddie I would go on Google and search up more on this but that probably collects data too😓. I deleted that account and I’ve stopped using ai to cope and avoid opening up. Should this account be clean since I stopped with the whole opening up to Ai?
@rainbows I mean new email account* I sort of feel like I’m horribly doomed even though my friends also did the same back then with the whole escaping from reality with ai.
@rainbows assuming you use chat gpt or something similar literally everything clears after 30 days i think and the most a job interviewer can see is that youve used your email to sign in there, lots of places don’t bother with thorough background checks so unless you’re seeking a governmental job i assure you youre okay
@mindfullymaddie Thank you🫂 I’m kinda feeling a little bit bad right now because the previous comment talked about illegal things and so, when I was younger I didn’t know better and I also struggle with real event so I’m freaking out ish all over again if I’m really horrible person even though the logical part of me knows I’m not but still😕🫂
@mindfullymaddie Am I cooked if I wanna be a marine biologist when I’m older?
@rainbows context matters and its normal to feel guilty you don’t need to beat yourself up for mistakes as long as you realise hm maybe that was weird and never do it again, im gonna go out on a whim and assume youre a bit younger than myself but im an “adult” now and i can still think of more recent real life events i beat myself up for. it does get easier
@rainbows you are not cooked at all dont threat
@mindfullymaddie Yup I am🙏🏽 i spent years going through hell because of it but just recently learned there was me before the mistake and me after it and I learned that I wasn’t a bad kid but I made a stupid mistake when I was younger because I saw things I shouldn’t have seen and wanted to explore causing me to mimic actions? (5-9) I’m still trying how to live with it but I feel genuinely horrible. I would never in my entire life do anything like that, that’s for sure but I understand what you’re saying🫂
@rainbows as a kid you dont know better, even as a young adult you dont know better sometimes. people do things because its learnt, because they think its normal, because people laugh, because it keeps people happy and sometimes we regret that. its just human unfortunately. i believe you when you say you have good intentions and you should too.
@mindfullymaddie It’s quite hard to let myself off the hook even though I know I have good intentions and mean what I say and have also been truthful in my actions and what has happened but still. It’s just the whole collecting data and it comes back in full swing like what if my future is doomed or my friends? What if they think this or that? Or what if they’re disgusted with me? I know it’s true we don’t know better but I’ve seen others argue that kids should know better and so and it triggers me at times, I just don’t really know how to be strong enough to deal with that..?
@rainbows no one knows what your situation was like and everyone is brought up differently. i dont think you should be held responsible for things especially at THAT young of an age. not really an ocd thing but the way i think of it is “i cant do anything about it, i can worry what people want to think of me but all i can do is prove them otherwise and show i am a good person” its a proactive mindset and helps with those lingering feelings of “what do they think??”
@mindfullymaddie That makes sense and that also helps🫂 I agree but I hold myself in my mind as a horrible person and I remember crying in my friend’s arm saying that I felt like I was no better than people out there who went to jail and so. I wanna do good and have been trying to do better, I have big dreams but those thoughts linger at times.
You’re fine they usually only check if you did something illegal that’s like really bad or you’re a suspect and they have to investigate you. So it’s best you stay away from people you 100% know do illegal stuff. So just follow the law and try not to get involved with illegal stuff or people who do illegal things. Usually when you apply for a job they check your background.
@Cindyyy_14 This isn’t really so helpful because I struggle with real event in childhood but thank you anyway🙏🏽 when things got bad I often turned to Ai for support and like I said, went no filter because I was super worried but thank you still.🙏🏽
@rainbows i understand why this might make you anxious but they just mean planning illegal things :) talking about things happening to you or years ago morally wrong or not wont be further investigated unless theyre super super SUPER concerned
@mindfullymaddie Understand 🫂 thank you🙏🏽.
Adults only as pocd mentioned I'm still thinking abt all the friends online who have unfollowed me,some cases even i think softblocked or fully blocked me. My brain is convinced that I must have done something gross and predatory or I did something racist or in general bigoted and they came to terms with it and left me. I can't stop thinking abt it. I just remembered checking an old discord for a fandom I was in when I was 17,half the people there had unadded me when we were friended and possibly even blocked,I hadn't talked to a lot of them in a long time though,but I thought we were on good terms. I think we also used to follow eachother on tumblr but before I made a new tumblr I remember not seeing their posts after some point and I can't remember if it's just bc I wasn't on much or i unfolloed or I got blocked. I feel I must have done something awful. One of my worst fears is people i care abt or was friends w leaving me and not telling me why,I have so much stuff I did on the internet I feel regret abt and it could be any of those things,as i mentioned i cant stop goint thru old messages and there have been times ive seen me make like a nsfw joke as a teen in a group chat or me not react negatively when someone else in the chat does something weird . I'm constantly scared who the next old friend i have will suddenly disappear one day,letting me wonder if I did something hurtful or predatory or bigoted to them or someone they know. I have so much stuff I regret a lot when i was younger,I have so much stuff I wanna confess but I'd be here all day and I'm bound to forget something then remember it later and spiral.
I find myself getting panic attacks over things that I was exposed to as a teen in my younger years and they still haunt me sometimes.
At the beginning of this year, I experienced false memories for the first time about watching bad stuff online, which I have never done in my life. I then turned to hours upon hours of googling and researching about it and reading articles about it. I'd sometimes google the same articles or topics multiple times a day. I then also remembered that I watched a clip once from Big Mouth (not knowing they were teens at the time). I became so afraid that I was being watched by the authorities or my ISP simply for doing research that I impulsively deleted my Google activity and became extremely paranoid that I was a bad person and a criminal, even though I'd never ever had these types of thoughts before. Then felt bad afterwards because I was like omg what if i am bad because what if it seems like I'm trying to hide a crime. I just really hate myself rn. I know we shouldn't ask for reassurance, but I'm more just pondering this, does this make me a bad person? Is there anyone else who has experienced something similar? Does this mean I still have OCD? or am I truly just only worried about how other people see me? Even while typing this, I'm asking myself, what does this all mean.
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