smolstitch

Date posted: 7d

TW: Suicidal OCD question

Hey y’all. I have suicidal OCD and I feel that it manifests in a strange way. I feel like my brain often encourages me to kill myself. Like my most dominant thought isn’t ’what if you kill yourself’, it’s ’you should kill yourself.’ It tends to amp up every time I make some mistake, even if it’s small. And it definitely gets worse during times of stress. I don’t want to kill myself and I wouldn’t consider myself depressed. But if these thoughts are OCD, and are my brain trying to keep me safe from killing myself, why would it tell me to? I’d appreciate any insight.

Anonymous

Date posted: 7d

I really want to let you know that you are not alone in this. I do also have this type of OCD and fear of death. I was so confused at first because I have this ocd type and in the same time I have fear of death. It’s been 7 months after traumatic events that occur to me and it’s been a struggle since then. My anxiety is through the roof when I’m in a stressful situation and during my period. So I don’t know what advice to give you but I just want to say that you are not alone.. it’s really hard. Especially with this type of OCD. God is good and I believe that there is light by the end of this darkness. Sending you love. ♥️🥺

smolstitch

Date posted: 7d

@Anonymous Thank you for the kind words 🤍 it is comforting to know I’m not the only one

Anonymous

Date posted: 7d

@smolstitch I also, started ERP through NOCD recently and I’m still pretty new to all this. If you can maybe you can get help with therapist. Sorry that I can’t give you any advice but have faith, pray and start doing ERP, research and practice. I know it’s very very very hard, trust me. ♥️

Danie-Rae

Date posted: 3d

@Anonymous You and I are in similar situations. I could have wrote that!

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3d

Your brain is meant to keep you alive, and that is why Suicidal OCD can feel so confusing. The main root of OCD is that the obsessions and intrusive thoughts are Ego-Dystonic (meaning they go against your values and belief systems.) Thoughts that are Ego-Syntonic go with your beliefs and values (which for some people can be actual suicidal thoughts and urges, if they are feeling depressed, unfortunately.) In other words, OCD is playing with your worst fears which could be death, dying, or hurting yourself. The trigger would be "making mistakes," causing a negative feeling of shame or embarrassment. This is turn causes the intrusive thoughts flare up.

Danie-Rae

Date posted: 3d

@Deanna Villetto I know this response isn’t for me but I’m definitely depressed but the thoughts still feel OCD themed. It’s very hard to tell the difference though. All I know is like op…I don’t want to die. So that’s what keeps me pushing. How would we know the difference though

smolstitch

Date posted: 3d

@Deanna Villetto Thank you for this response! I think I’m starting to understand

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 3d

@Danie-Rae - One of the main differences would be the compulsions. Ego-Dystonic thoughts, with OCD, will have you engaging in compulsive behaviors/ mental compulsions to essentially make the thoughts "go away." If there are thoughts that are in line with the depression though, I always encourage a strong support system (family, friends, community based people, etc.) and therapy to find the support you need.

beckyk921

Date posted: 2d

@Deanna Villetto Could the trigger just be stress in general? I know certain things make me uncomfortable but I feel like random thoughts loop or pop up for me without a trigger. But I know they are against my belief system because I was using a lot of compulsions to make them go away.

Danie-Rae

Date posted: 2d

@Deanna Villetto Thank you

99peaches99

Date posted: 3d

Man I feel so seen. I hope you know you aren’t alone, and many of us are dealing with the same things. Thank you for being here and sharing. You’re stronger than you thinn

g###

Date posted: 2d

I have the same theme and it seems like the things people say make it so much worse. And yes my anxiety is through the roof also if anyone has something to help with anxiety please let me know.

Anonymous

Date posted: 2d

@g### Sending you love ❤️ The way how I treat anxiety recently is that I sit with the feeling and absorb. I “see” the feeling and I say to myself -It’s okay to feel this certain emotions. When the anxiety is hard sometimes I have sad feeling and I cry. But I just want to let you know that WE ARE SURVIVING. Every anxiety attack, every panic attack whatever you are dealing with, it’s okay. You are healing. It took me 7 months to realise that through cognitive behavioural therapy, now with ERP. It’s really, really hard. And I know and I feel you. My anxiety shows with burning chest, similar to heartburn, enormous fear of my OCD, but I’m learning now to face it and tell OCD - ITS BEEN TOO LONG FOR YOU TO TORTURE ME! I think the key here is ERP. Honestly.

Moon1130

Date posted: 7d

I'm wondering if this would be more of an urge. OCD can manifest as urge, thought, or image. But idk. The brain does weird stuff. It isn't all benevolent 😂

smolstitch

Date posted: 7d

@Moon1130 Sometimes it feels more thought-y, sometimes more urge-y! the urges scare me more tho

smolstitch

Date posted: 7d

@Moon1130 So true. Unfortunately the brain does what it wants lol

Moon1130

Date posted: 7d

@smolstitch For sure. I feel that too. It's so much more scary

King silly

Date posted: 24w

Not seeking reassurance, just prayers

Lately my OCD has been very horrible, it’s been more convincing than ever to the point where I’m genuinely convinced that I like this stuff, when I get a thought, I’ll hear my intrusive thoughts go “oooh, I like that, I’d do that.” and I just don’t freak out nor feel bad, I just feel like I like it even more, and feel like I would do/act on it and like it, and the feeling is strong and it lingers forever? It genuinely feels like I do, and I’m just lying now, i can’t tell if I make these thoughts worse or anything All I remember mostly just being like confused sometimes when these thoughts happen, but since I’m getting strong emotions that I like it, my brain says that means I did and I’m worried about that being true because I don’t understand nor know It’s like I am resisting to like this stuff now, it’s even tougher now than it was before

Anonymous

Date posted: 19w

Questions

There are times my harm ocd has me convinced that my feelings of self harm or suicide and harm are real and that any moment I could commit the act on myself or my family. Is there anyone who can chime in on this. I feel like all the time I want to leave run away or avoid my family because of these thoughts. Like I shouldn’t be around my children and I don’t trust myself.

Anonymoususe...

Date posted: 12w

Can anyone relate: OCD prayers

TW religious ocd OCD is turning innapropriate desires into prayers. Essentially the best way I can describe it is everyone has innapropriate desires sometimes. One example is if I’m suicidal, I wouldn’t mind if a meteor hit while I was asleep. Obviously that affects other people too, but if it’s not my fault, selfishly I want it. Well, it essentially turns that “I want this” thought into me thinking towards god “this would be nice if it happens.” Especially if it wasn’t my fault at all, I wouldn’t mind. My brain can VERY easily turn that into a prayer. All I have to do is direct it for a second towards god, and boom, technically it’s a prayer. Has anyone else had this? It really seems like ocd, even if it is VERY technically a prayer. It doesn’t seem like a normal, thought out prayer

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

TW: Suicidal OCD question

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community