ROCD

@Someone99 Just feel like I have a hard time seeing it and I’m afraid it’s due to attraction? Sure he isn’t that physically attractive but I don’t necessarily truly care I know I haven’t in the past. The other attributes are what makes this desirable and I am feeling biblical clarity and I want that clarity of desire and I think maybe I just want a husband can I reallt see it? How will I feel?

@EmmaGrace27 You've been struggling with this for a while, and we had good conversation about it. There's a realistic level of uncertainty in this stage of your life. Wow, marriage, till death do us part...and so on. Even without OCD it's scary!. There's a fear, lots of "what if's"... Much of this is what everyone goes through.

@Someone99 Ohh ok. So you just marry with those doubts ??

@EmmaGrace27 There's no way every doubt or uncertainty can be satisfied. That's the joy and excitement of life. We walk forward in faith. God shows us the next step, not the whole journey, and asks us to trust Him. Can you identify an intrusive thought related to your attraction concerns? Intrusive thoughts are usually definitive, like black and white, like "I always .." "I'll never...", and so on. No room for maybe with intrusive thoughts. Once you can identify the thought as intrusive, you can take the power away from it.

@Someone99 I actually not sure what are intrusive thoughts in this or actual feelings?

@Someone99 And maybe some of it is but

@EmmaGrace27 Possibly what you e been repeatedly writing about? :-) Like what happens as you're questioning the feelings or lack of feelings. What if...., Maybe I'm not..., and so on.

@EmmaGrace27 It'll be something that actually raises your anxiety, or causes some type of uneasiness, by just thinking about it.

@Someone99 I also have them when I’m with him. Like “he doesn’t look good” or “he’s ufly right now” “I don’t like how he looks” and I can’t tell if it’s how I feel or tea

@EmmaGrace27 Intrusive

@EmmaGrace27 What do you think about yourself when you have those thoughts, or because you have those thoughts?

@Someone99 Horrible like I feel guilty

@Someone99 I usually feel bad and start obsessing over why I feel that way, will it ever work out? Even after I’ve decided my choice. I also feel a drop in my stomach and I feel bad. I start obsessing if I really feel this way. And I also feel will I ever get past this, and I keep going into cycles worrying I should just end things

@EmmaGrace27 Yeah, that's the OCD type stuff. Your head and heart knows this is a really good man, and a Godly man. Those are valuable and rare traits. I encourage you to dig deep with this. Ask God to show you where you can grow, heal, change, and let Jesus in to those vulnerable places. (He already knows, btw).

@Someone99 Oh yes I’ve asked him to soften my heart because I know for a fact this is the type of man he wants me to marry and the relationship he wants me to have. So I’m asking him to help me find attractive tbe things he values

@EmmaGrace27 Another exercise I've heard and done myself, read 1 Corinthians 13 beginning v. 4 and every place the word "love" is, insert your name... "Emma" is patient, "Emma" is kind. "Emma" does not envy, "Emma" does not boast, "Emma" is not proud. 5 "Emma" does not dishonor others, "Emma" is not self-seeking, "Emma" is not easily angered, "Emma" keeps no record of wrongs. 6 "Emma" does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. And so on... Whew, I just ate some humble pie myself as I typed that and thought of my name in there...

@EmmaGrace27 God is so good, Emma. And He knows your heart. Hopefully I didn't get too of topic. 🫣 Lol

@Someone99 Haha no

@EmmaGrace27 And marriage is not always attractive. Just wait until flu season, stomach bugs, and all that fun stuff you share up close and personal. 😉

@EmmaGrace27 And through it all, God will make you who He created you to be, if we allow Him to. 🙏🏼

@Someone99 I think my thoughts would stop if I stopped giving them enough attention

@EmmaGrace27 Yes. OCD wants us to engage in a tug of war. The more we pull back against it, the stronger it becomes and we get pulled over the cliff. Let go of the rope...it's just a thought

@EmmaGrace27 And you're an amazing, Godly young woman.

@EmmaGrace27 And wise. You know in your head and your heart what's important.

@FiddyK Yes this is exactly how feel

@FiddyK Maybe my attraction will grow. He isn’t that physically attractive but his biblical traits as well as personality traits make it all worth it, he isn’t ugly and I’m not totally attracted physically I’m incredibly attracted to him his personality and his godliness