And what is happening...let's say I come across a video of that person and then I stop the part where it triggers me and I deliberately imagine images of a sexual type, and if I don't feel anything, I look again, as if I want it or I have the urge to imagine it, i.e. I feel the need, and if I feel something or get a feeling in my groin and I feel like I fall into despair?
You are doing a checking compulsion to see if you feel aroused. You are afraid that you will be aroused, so you check, and when you find you are aroused you conclude you are a bad person, when all the groinal is is an intrusive OCD feeling. We all get unwanted groinals from time to time, but we move on, knowing they mean nothing.
@Anonymous yes, it's possible, but I don't understand why I'm consciously looking for it when there aren't any?! It scares me that I don't know the reason for that... sometimes it's the groin and sometimes I have a feeling in my brain as if it could actually be true and that it would "turn me on"
Because you are terrified of being a p, and you believe that you might be a p, so you check whether or not you have a groinal to see if you feel something. Once you feel something, you conclude you are a p. That's what a compulsion is-something you feel compelled to do, even though you don't really want to do it.
@Anonymous It's possible, I don't know, I have incest ocd, actually less ocd, but I have all of that...so in your opinion, the fact that I intentionally create scenarios and images, even if it's forced on me, is a test, and the fact that I "search" to feel that something because it seems to me that when it's not there, I don't have an answer, even if I don't like that answer?
More specifically, you don't like the uncertainty of not having an answer
@Anonymous I forcefully think that I deliberately make those pictures in my head even when they don't come out spontaneously.... As for the answer, yes, I don't like it when it's not there, but it's not clear to me: why when the answer at that moment is "ok, I don't feel anything", I continue to create those scenes in my head?
You ask very good questions. You make those scenarios in your head as another test. You want to see if those scenarios will make you feel aroused. If you're not aroused, you get anxious, and need to make another scenario in your head to guarantee you won't ever be aroused. If you are aroused, you get anxious and conclude you are a bad person. To stop the cycle, you can resist the compulsion to make up the scenarios in your head and tolerate the uncertainty and anxiety without checking for groinals feeling or sexual urges (exposure and response prevention)
@Anonymous You give very good answers, I didn't think about it that way! Very possible, that makes sense. Thank you, I'm trying to train my brain differently, but I need experience and information about some of the things I'm becoming aware of through ERP... thanks mate! I hope I can help you too when you get stuck..
Exactly, although I don't know what you mean by its forced on you.
I already wrote about this and you really helped me, but now I wondered?! During the erp, I look at a picture of that person with some grimaces that the brain sexualizes, otherwise I have incest ocd! The person is of my gender, I'm not gay otherwise. And then, based on those facial expressions, the brain creates sexual images in my head, which I often feel as sexual and mental arousel. It is enough to see the picture or hear the voice of that person! Based on the pictures it gives me the idea of sexually touching myself on it and climaxing while watching. I feel an urge (I tried something like that a few times ago and now I'm afraid of it), and then the exercise is over, but I stay until I get the answer I want and the feelings that would calm me down, but that happens less and less... Have you had any experience, and is it a compulsion? how can I stay after exercise with that feeling of reality.. Thank you in advance❤️
And what is happening...let's say I come across a video of that person and then I stop the part where it triggers me and I deliberately imagine images of a sexual type, and if I don't feel anything, I look again, as if I want it or I have the urge to imagine it, i.e. I feel the need, and if I feel something or get a feeling in my groin and I feel like I fall into despair?
I saw a video of an animal that someone was cleaning or doing something to the intimate region, and I automatically sexualized it and got some strange feeling, something like groin, even the animal looked like it was enjoying itself and I just feel different and disgusting because I know it's not normal, I didn't have zoocd and it's not clear to me how that feeling precedes my thoughts...
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