What is it when you are afraid you have no physical attraction. Yo your partner but you see a future, you want to have kids, you don’t wanna be with anyone else even tho that is a worry. And I can see myself making love
Hii! I’ve been in this position before. What helped me was to stop checking my feelings for reassurance. I would be with my bf and ask myself while looking at him “Did I feel attracted to him ?” Here are some things you could ask yourself (without answering) for acknowledgement of uncertainty: -Am I attracted to my partner? -What does attraction towards them feel like ? -how am I supposed to feel towards them? -Am I attracted to my partner when I think of them? Sometimes I’ll have an occasional “how do I feel towards my partner when I’m with them in this moment, thinking about them in my future, and when I think about them in my head?” It can be overwhelming when you’re actually with them while having thoughts wanting to check feelings for reassurance. Don’t thought block or avoid! Just adds to the exposure. A great piece of advice I read from an OCD therapist that gave me confidence was “Do it anxious”. So, without answering, ask yourself some uncertain questions that will help you acknowledge the uncertainty of the theme you’re going through.
@Enthusiast What about comparing? I am stuck in a cycle of comparing him to my ex crush which I find somewhat more attractive but I get his face when I see my boyfriend sometimes and it’s so disturbing. How do I break this cycle? My brain keeps telling me my ex crush is simply better since he’s more attractive (ik that’s not true and not what I believe) but it’s so tough kissing/ cuddling at times :/ any advice?
@Enthusiast What if I feel not a lot of physical attraction? Or it wavers like moment to moment? I still want to marry him but I can’t help but think abt it every time I see him and I’m afraid because I don’t want to end things
@EmmaGrace27 These things happen 🎀 You technically answered your own question ! You asked questions of uncertainty and the next step would be acknowledging that uncertainty by not answering to them. Not thought blocking. Just because we can’t answer to them doesn’t mean we suppress the thought as the next step. You can ask yourself the same questions without answering until the anxiety surrounding it simmers down the more you accept that uncertainty. We are anxious because we want to know why we’re having these thoughts, want to know what the next step is, or the deeper meaning behind them. Also, I assume like I have done myself, you have an *idea*of how much attraction you “should” be feeling / what you perceive is the “just right” amount of attraction you “should” be feeling. Essentially scaling the intensity our feelings for reassurance. If we put them on a scale we start labeling how much affection we feel towards them as good or bad (b&w thinking). There’s holes in the idea of scaling feelings. Ex: Currently my attraction to my bf feels like a 10! Okay, now look at it on a scale of 20. Hmm 10/20 looks small.… am I not attracted to him enough now? You see what I mean. Ask yourself (and don’t answer^^): -Will things end between us? -How much attraction is a lot? How much attraction is little? How much physical attraction am I supposed to feel? Does the attraction I have towards my bf feel just right? -How attracted do I feel towards my boyfriend right now? -Did the attraction towards my bf go away? Will it come back?
I’ve also compared! I found myself comparing him to old school crushes I used to have before I met him. Ask yourself (without answering) : -Do I find _(ex crush )_more attractive than my bf? -Does me acknowledging the attraction of someone else take away the attraction I have for my bf? -Does acknowledging the attraction of someone else make me a bad partner? -Would I rather be with them than my partner? -Would (ex crush) be a better partner because of his physical appearance? Reminder: -You can acknowledge someone’s attraction whether you’re in a relationship or not! I used to feel so much guilt and shame even just acknowledging someone’s attraction because I was in a relationship and felt it was wrong.
@Enthusiast You are incredibly helpful thank you 🙏
So I don’t feel that physically attracted to my boyfriend but I love him! I wanna be with him I love his heart and who he is. Can this still work you think? Anyone? I already obsess over his looks but I’m afraid about this bc I wanna value who he is over looks period!
Wanna marry my partner , have no excitement feelings? Scared to lose attraction? Can’t see clear? Even though I have every right and reason to
So I talked to my therapist about some things, and I’m doing a lot better. I’ve realized I’m obsessed with infatuation and feelings. When I expect to feel really goodly eyed over my boyfriend I don’t, sometimes I am most of the time I’m not. However I cuddle him, have desires for sex with him, I love him, I love being with him, he’s funny, his personality is attractive. I also want my physical attraction to grow. I’m afraid if I don’t look at him an ogle that it means I should be with someone I can do that with.But physical attraction is fleeting. He’s amazing he should be the father of my kids, I am not wanting to give up. This is half ocd half not. I wand to feel a certain way but honesty ? I have to allow myself to feel these things and stop fearing. Like allow myself to reflect on his heart and the things I love instead of focusing on obsessing over something I don’t like.
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