If you truly aren''t homophobic you wouldn't be afraid of being gay unless in very specific cases of bisexual cycling, what is the difference?
I understand your point of view š Hereās my take on this: Having a significant change in your life (like someoneās sexuality) is often scary in general. Add Ocd into the mix- and it becomes extra terrifying. OCD naturally sends us a lot of doubt, anxiety and fearful feelings and thatās not our fault. Itās just part of having the disorder. Itās scary to be extremely doubtful that youāre a whole different identity that you actually are not in reality. Iāve even seen a story of a gay man with sexual orientation OCD and he was terrified of becoming straight and having to break up with his male partner. Would we call him āstraight-phobicā? No that would be silly š We would be sympathetic towards him. So why do straight people with the same exact Ocd theme get called homophobic and they are criticized? (Because the two situations are pretty much the same, just different sexualities involved)
its not necessarily a fear of being queer in any way, more so that maybe the life you are living is a lie and what you thought you knew, you actually dont. for me, its terrifying that I may be a lesbian because I have a male partner and i love him, but the scary thing is "what if I'm experiencing comp het and I dont actually love him." the idea around it is still that fear a of uncertainty, but its focused on your identity and would often change the meaning of your relationships. Great question though, because HOCD often gets misunderstood and people are scared to speak out about it for fear of sounding homophobic or worried that it makes them bad person. The same thing can happen with gender identity too!
Sexual orientation OCD isn't always a straight person who's scared they might be gay. There are people on here who *are* gay and are scared they might be straight.
Yes but straight people never receive marginalization on the basis of identity, a gay person's OCD about sexuality would be from self-doubt whereas a "straight" person anxiety and shame about the possibility of being homosexual.
@HenryT I mean, I know there are people whose SOOCD is rooted in homophobia (I've encountered them on here LOL), but it's not fair to say it always is. I think it's more often about fear of one's sense of self changing and not fear of being gay.
but I am also queer, and one thing that helped me through this is to realize that I dont necessarily connect with lables, and trying to put myself into a box didn't help my need for certainty and reassurance that it was the "right" thing to call myself.
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I donāt want, and then tries to convince me that I do. Itās painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I donāt want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but Iām terrified that one day Iāll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. Iāve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that Iām "bisexual." Iāve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge meātelling me, āYou donāt even know what love feels like.ā It wonāt shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that Iām a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
I wanted to voice that homosexuals can get HOCD too. I remember when i was younger and knew i was gay i still got HOCD one time when watching The Office. I thought Pam was so pretty and then started doubting my whole identity because what if i am straight? Oh god, what a terror if i was heterosexual. But anyway, thought that maybe this would help heteros with HOCD by knowing that this is a universal symptom across OCD sufferers of all sexual orientations. A big problem is calling this subtype āHomosexual OCD,ā because its not. It has nothing to do with being homo or hetero or bi or anything. Its just OCD being a bully. I think labelling subtypes is an issue altogether, as it can unconsciously make people feel like its not just OCD. But it is. Does this make any sense? What are yallās thoughts on this? Or is this just my OCD talking? (Im not seeking reassurance just genuinely find this interesting) TLDR; each time we āqualifyā OCD with a subtype, we reinforce that the subtype is part of the issue. In reality, OCD is just a broken loop in our brains, and thoughts are just thoughts. And Pam Beesly is a hottie.
Iāve been struggling with HOCD for years, and it started with an intrusive thought about being gay when I was younger. It came up at age 12 and ever since, Iāve been trapped in a cycle of doubt and anxiety. I obsess over whether or not Iām secretly gay, even though I donāt feel that way at all. What makes it worse is the fear that I might have internalized homophobia, and thatās why Iām having these obsessive thoughts. I worry that my anxiety is a sign that Iām repressing something or rejecting part of myself. It feels like my mind keeps repeating the same questionāam I gay?āand no matter how much reassurance I get, the fear doesnāt go away. I used to pray for my family members, fearing that if I didnāt, something bad would happen to them, and now it feels like I have to control these thoughts, or something will go wrong. For a while, it was quieter, but a week ago, the thoughts spiraled up again, and now the anxiety feels overwhelming again. Itās exhausting, and I donāt know how to break free from this constant loop of doubt. Has anyone dealt with the fear of internalized homophobia alongside HOCD? How do you manage the anxiety that comes with it?
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