Been having blasphemous intrusive thoughts about God. Then sometimes I’m really struggling and I feel resentful, sometimes even towards God, which I know is not right, I want to have reverence. But it feels like sometimes I think the blasphemous thoughts on purpose because of my anger. I don’t know if this is an OCD issue or an issue of my heart or both. But yeah I don’t know what to do.
The thoughts you're having sound super intrusive! I'm sorry. I know how uncomfortable feels. A gentle remind that thoughts and feelings are just that: thoughts, feelings. They have shorter life spans than we give them credit for. Allowing yourself to acknowledge, "Ah. There is that anger." and sitting with that, while SO uncomfortable, will help it just pass through. ❤️
I am sorry you’re going through this; I have it too. If you can, try and let the thoughts come, do your best not to judge them or react, which can be so hard to do, but after a while, they will just pass by. I feel for you, but hang in there. You’re not being judged by God, just loved! He understands what’s going on. He is not a tormentor waiting to beat you down. He is only love and is walking with you through the pain. OCD/intrusive thoughts can make you believe it’s you and not the intrusive thoughts. That’s the big trap we have to understand and not fall into. Don’t try and suppress the thoughts, again, sometimes it’s hard to do, but I know you can do it! You are loved by God, period! The anger and the thoughts, that’s not you! Sending much peace your way.
I’ve been dealing with this for the past year and it’s definitely very hard! It makes me feel like how could I possibly be a Christian. It feels like I think them on purpose. My heart feels heavy and the anxiety I feel so always constant. Some days are better but definitely the last few days have been rough. Makes me doubt my faith and myself. Or how could God & Jesus love me because of these awful blasphemous thoughts. It feels like a tick or Tourette’s that you can’t control. It does help to know there’s a lot of other people out there who struggle with this too.
I think you may like this quote.....don't let the thoughts bother you twice - first by entering your mind and disturbing you, and then a second time by making you think that you wanted to think the thoughts: In The Christian’s Secret to a Happy Life, Hannah Whitall Smith addresses what this looks like long before OCD was ever defined. Just replace the words temptation and wrong with the phrase intrusive thoughts, and we can see how Satan could easily use this illness to his advantage. "It seems hardly worthwhile to say that temptation is not sin, and yet much distress arises from not understanding this fact. The very suggestion of wrong seems to bring pollution with it; and the poor tempted soul begins to feel as if it must be very bad indeed, and very far off from God, to have had such thoughts and suggestions. It is as though a burglar should break into a man’s house to steal, and, when the master of the house begins to resist him and to drive him out, should turn round and accuse the owner of being himself the thief. It is the enemy’s grand ruse for entrapping us. He comes and whispers suggestions of evil to us, – doubts, blasphemies, jealousies, envyings, and pride, and then turns round and says, “Oh, how wicked you must be to think of such things! It is very plain that you are not trusting the Lord; for if you had been, it would have been impossible for these things to have entered your heart.” This reasoning sounds so very plausible that we often accept it as true, and so come under condemnation, and are filled with discouragement." I hope this helps.
Today I was trying to figure out something at work, and some people were watching and I was taking longer than expected. I said to myself, “why am I so stupid” and I felt like I was angry and I felt like I was angry at God. I’m worried because I felt like I cursed God in my heart. I’m worried because who am I to be mad at God. I want to have reverence, and I just don’t know what to do. It feels like my heart is hard.
I am a christian guy who grew up in a christian community and family. For as long as i remember, ive had horrible thoughts about all kinds of things that i dont know where to begin. Due to my extreme thoughts, i feel as if i am unworthy of practicing my religioin, such as praying, reading, meditating, etc. I feel ashamed when i go to church, as if i dont belong there because i feel like i am secretely evil, and that God knows i am evil and i am committing blasphemy by going there, and refusing to "repent", from my thoughts. But then again, my thoughts are just thoughts, sure. So whats the problem? - The problem is that in my faith, i have been taught that we must control our thoughts, so they do not get power over us to make us commit sin. Such as "If you think lustfully about a woman, you have already committed adultery with her in your heart". This verse has killed my self esteem, due to the constant unwanted sexual and disturbing thoughts. It makes me feel like a monster, who secretely just wants to abuse and be horrible to people, even though i know very well i do not want this. Sometimes i think horrible things about the people i love very much, such as my girlfriend. It feels so wrong and evil, even though i know it isnt my true will.
I feel so hopeless right now. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so tired of living with this constant fear and guilt. I keep thinking that God is angry with me and that I’m being punished. I’m terrified that I’ve committed blasphemy—especially against the Holy Spirit—and that I’m going to hell. Yesterday, because of my OCD-driven curiosity, learning more about my faith—especially about the Trinity—has left me mentally exhausted and deeply confused, like I’m losing my grip on reality. The thought that God might already be punishing me only makes everything feel heavier. I’ve been breaking down since yesterday and struggling with intense anxiety. Even trying to pray scares me, because I feel like God is so mad at me. Deep down, I’m afraid I might be beyond forgiveness. I feel completely lost and terrified.
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