I’m trying to let them pass not engage nothing , trying to compusle but the thoughts won’t leave. My brain keeps telling me I should stab my dad for not asking if I’m okay after the death of my ex …
I send my condolences for your ex, please take time to care for yourself in this period of grieving. The best thing to do in situations like this is to not just "let the thoughts pass" as they'll continue to linger if you try to ignore them. Try leaning into Exposure Response Prevention, actively lean into this distressing thoughts, try to accept the possibility and uncertainty that "maybe I could try stabbing my dad later, only time will tell." The more you lean into these thoughts, the less you'll want to act out on your compulsions, and the less you'll try to figure things out.
Have you tried using non-engagement responses? The more I practiced using them, the easier it got to not engage. Examples like you could agree with the thought, "maybe I should stab my dad. Maybe I will." And after agreeing just sitting with that uncertainty. Or saying something like "I am choosing not to engage with this thought. I will redirect my attention to something else" and do something you enjoy or something productive. There are so many non-engagement responses you can try, you can look some up on Google. I hope this helps <3 it won't help immediately but if you practice over time, it will improve ❤️
I’ve been in the same boat before. We just have to accept the fact that they’ll always be there and by learning to recognize them but not engage with them, soon they just blend in the background. I promise it gets better 🩵
It's okay to be angry about that too. The ocd is any compulsion you do to try and rid the thought, and the thought itself may have warped over time (like maybe it didn't start out that way) but just because you have ocd doesn't mean you can't also feel. You get to be angry about it, please do, and can do so in a way that feels better to you (like telling him youre mad or just getting to be angry as much as you want on your own) when youre not dealing with the fears or obsessions of stabbing him (that's where ERP comes in).
I’m sorry for your loss. I also deal with harm ocd but about my husband. The thoughts are constant but it’s the acts we take to not engage in them are what matters. Sometimes I find myself tripped up when the thoughts appear but I remind myself of my true intentions and exposures that have been beneficial for me. Are you doing exposures? One that really helped me and may be extreme if you’re not ready for it or have a willing partner is holding a knife up to the other person, confronting the fear head on. This again is extreme and distressing but can be reached within the hierarchy.
@dslite I did this to my dog before a year ago and haven’t tried since. I’ve held knives before and it kinda helped but right now I’m spiraling and feel I can snap
I struggle so bad with intrusive thoughts. They can be so bad that I'll cry because I KNOW that's not how I feel or want to do. (Too embarrassed to say what they're about) I'll constantly try to figure out why I have them, and constantly figure out what they mean, causing me to constantly circle around and around. I had to get on anxeity meds, which helped a little but the thoughts still happen. How do you help yourself with this? How do you know that you're just not some physcopath? 😅
So hard to not engage the thoughts because even though it's from the "past" (i don't even know if im remembering things correctly and it kills me) and i can't change it, I just NEED to prove it to myself that it didn't happen this way. If you'd asked me questions maybe a few months ago, I would have been able to lucidly explain things. Now I just feel like I'm in a constant swarm of thoughts, not knowing if anything is real. If my brain is to be trusted. Wish I could just get hypnosis to forget
So I had a panic attack a while ago to “kill mom” and I forgot about the thought until a few days later. When it came back I was mentally drained and it lasted for 2 months or more. It eventually went away but it is back. I get other intrusive thoughts but they go away after a hour or so. Why am I stressing over “kill mom” so much. I just get irritated that it won’t go away. I’m beginning to think it’s a different mental illness maybe just anxiety? I’m not sure to be honest. It just appears and sits there and I feel like I’m doomed and a pyscho and worry that I’ll never forget the thought.
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