Sex and erection

I know that anxiety and OCD can affect you in a lot of ways and I know it can affect your sex life. I was having sex with this chick about 4 days ago and everything about was amazing. it was a random hookup. But I got tired quick and got so worried about meeting certain expectations during intercourse I lost my erection part way through and couldn't match her pace and that felt honestly embarrassing and debilitating. Like there is no way I should be not keep it up with this chick. But I am aware anxiety can destroy performance in intercourse and I look at porn and notice other guys maintain erections forever without constant stimulation. A few seconds with stimulation and I lose mine. But I am been like that pretty much forever. Do I have misconception about how that works or is something wrong with me cause the doubt sucks. The girl even said that it was weird how I got soft after not that long. But she tried to be supportive for the most part but it felt terrible. If i am not flexing by pelvic muscles it feels like I can't maintain it.

geodrimilis

Date posted: 2d ago

It’s the same thing with sexuality ocd where it makes you feel like you’re not attracted to the gender you’ve been attracted to your whole life (girls for me) because of the anxiety and the overthinking. When your anxious your sex drive is affected negatively. That’s when people like me with sexuality ocd when we are anxious we do stuff to prove that we are not gay but at the same time the anxiety blocks our arousal which makes everything worse. Don’t worry tho you’re good

MisterNegative

Date posted: 2d ago

I also don't have regular sex and haven't been in a serious relationship for years. That was in my mind as well

geodrimilis

Date posted: 2d ago

@MisterNegative Yeah my history with girls isn’t that good neither but I never saw a guy the way ocd makes me think I do I have faith in that. What ocd do you have

TexasOCD41

Date posted: 2d ago

The role of mood and thought plays a HUGEEEEE factor in sexual performance, even in women. if I'm not totally dialed in, I'm not as wet and it can even hurt. My husband went thru a period of what is called psychological ED. He had ONE time where his body wasn't in line with his mind and it messed with him so bad that for a few months, he would anticipate that happening again and sure enough it did. I do NOT like the girls response to your situation, that is salt in an open wound but a lot of girls don't know how to handle that. Some take it personally and think they are not attractive enough. Porn also messes with that BIG time. Porn is an instant gratification thing, you get the full experience with hardly any input, real life is much different. When you have porn expectations but are not prepared for the actually physical components of sex, you're going to have mixed results. its like watching football on tv then expecting to go play an actual game and be as good as the guys on tv. I would venture to say this has nothing to do with OCD and everything to do with normal factors that happen to ALL men at some point in their life. ALSO- the guys you watch in videos are pumped full of meds to maintain their erections otherwise they would be useless. can you imagine trying to perform in front of a room full of cameras in a synthetic situation??? yea, NO one can do that without help. Try not to take this personally and DONT look into why it happened, it just happens and its perfectly normal. i would suggest taking a break from porn, and work on some cardio exercise to increase your stamina, i bet those 2 things will have a 90% improvement factor.

MisterNegative

Date posted: 2d ago

I appreciate that alot. Especially from a woman's perspective. There are a lot of factors at play that are affecting me. But comparison isn't going to help. You are correct there.

TexasOCD41

Date posted: 2d ago

btw after being EXTREMELY patient and understanding with my husband, having open conversations about it and removing expectations, he got thru it and now he's a machine, its kinda a problem how efficient he is cuz now I can keep up lol guess ill be doing more cardio now too lol.

MisterNegative

Date posted: 2d ago

Guess it doesn't help that I haven't really dated much throughout my 20s and I haven't had a lot of experience with it. I'm 33 now.

TexasOCD41

Date posted: 2d ago

@MisterNegative - That would certainly add to the factor. Sex is weird lol no 2 ways about that. It takes time, trust, and self confidence to navigate it. iv been married 3 years and i still feel weird about it sometimes. performance anxiety is a leading cause of ED. inexperience will cause performance anxiety because you are trying to be what you only have limited experience of and the role models of porn are not realistic. The best way to overcome it is to just relax, and lol practice. if this girl you had this encounter with is open to the idea, you could discuss the situation with her, you said she was still supportive despite the fact, so might be open to letting you practice being more comfortable and confident. Just be open with her.

MisterNegative

Date posted: 2d ago

@TexasOCD41 Well she was an escort so that won't happen lol.

TexasOCD41

Date posted: 2d ago

@MisterNegative - oh haha. See? even that is an unrealistic situation. She is pretty much paid to have sex, her profits depend on her being good at it. sex is a job to her. What would your opinion be towards trying a dating website and trying a casual approach. be open in your profile, your a guy new to dating and are looking for a chill girl to hang out with, go see some movies with, get dinner, hang out, and see what happens. part of sex is emotions. if i was forced to have sex with a stranger, I'm NOT going to perform well AT AL because i don't know them. I don't know what they like, what are their dreams, their fears, favorite color. imagine it... inserting a piece of you body into a woman... and you don't even know if shes a cat person or a dog person? lol to me it matters. that human connection is important to creating the physical connection. i dated my husband for several months and we become best friend before we became boyfirned and girlfriend. I knew what his favorite movies were ( horror, same as me) i knew he loved rock music ( same) i knew he liked dogs but LOVED cats ( same) i knew he was Christian, he valued his family, wanted to travel. all of these things ignited the flame that illumniates the connection of body. that's why there is a difference between fuc*ing, having sex, and making love. trying to have sex without the connection is putting the cart before the horse. i would work on cultivating some friendships that could become physical connections. even friends with benefits, NOT fuc* buddies, is a good place to start lol.

Anonymous

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 2d ago

There is definitely nothing wrong with you! @TexasOCD41 brings up a lot of good points, especially from the female perspective. Here is a great podcast that addresses many of these issues: https://eiqmen.com/podcast/

LiaExe28

Date posted: 10w ago

Pats crush groinal response

Idk what else to title this. I was watching a film cooper video cuz why not and he mentioned smthn about wall paper customization and icons and stuff and I just kinda had a groinal response followed by the memory of me having my first crush on a woman (my friend at the time) that helped me figure out that I’m bi and I felt kinda intensely for her but that’s cuz a) it was new and b) we were kinda on again off again friends who haven’t spoken in a few years now and I’m over her entirely. It was toxic I think. She was too much like the person who bullied me in elementary school (they were friends as well so my mom made me cut her off which is. Fair. Made me really sad but eh that’s life) I saw her at prom cuz someone brought her. It was nice to see her but yeah that was it. And now I’m mentally comparing what I felt for women in the past (idk intense crush, listening to a lot of gay songs (think she by dodie) dressing semi masc cuz funky, we had nicknames for each other despite not dating or anything) to men (less intense crush but still big crush, I’ve only dated and kissed men so sparks rhere) and now I’m just slightly nauseous and worried that I don’t like men as much as I like women but I think that’s normal for any bi person? To have different levels of attraction to different genders? Idk I feel gross and icky now like I shouldn’t even be thinking about it or her cuz I have a bf. And I do look fondly upon it, now I’m nervous cuz I got more excited about her calling me a specific nickname than I do from my bf calling me honey even at the beginning? Honey felt more traditional and I love it but we do switch around nicknames and it’s always nice, not many butterflies anymore, and sometimes I get anxious when he does lately, if it’s a nickname in Portuguese. Or if he called me a shortened version of my name. What does that mean? I’m nervous now. I was doing half decently today now I’m nauseous again. I’m worried that cuz I liked the nicknames she and I had that means I don’t like the ones my bf and I have and that I just don’t like him or men cuz I’ve been feeling off around him. But I love when he calls me honey, it still feels good when he does it now but no butterflies. Idk what’s wrong with me. Is it even ocd at this point. Even if I do like women slightly more it doesn’t erase that I love my bf. I’m worried I’m leaning too much towards women tho and I’m a lesbian. Idk if my bi cycle is cycling or if I’m just a lesbian entirely cuz I don’t feel much when my bf takes off his shirt, sex feels different, and things feel stale and slow. But maybe that’s cuz I’m checking and comparing. Now I’m anxious fuck. I’m trying not to think about her idk why. I’m worried I still find her attractive or am attracted to her or smthn. She’s in my city. I didn’t care before but now I do. Or if I think about her I’ll think about other women and will only want to have sec with women which not really tbh. I wanna be able to enjoy sec with my bf. It just hasn’t felt right lately cuz I’ve been so depressed and obsessive. I wasn’t obsessing much last night when we had sex but it still didn’t feel passionate. It didn’t feel uncomfortable but I thought it’d be more? Idk. I know it’s normal to not feel him inside me cuz the vagina isn’t very nerved up compared to the clitoris but it felt like more the motions. But tbh. I needed it. Idk I wanted to have sex and it was a nice stress relief. I just didn’t feel butterflies which kinda bummed me out but we’ve been having sex since august so that’s normal. Idk. I haven’t been able to fantasize about sex. The fact that I’m bi makes all of this so confusing. Cuz yes hypothetically I can enjoy the thought of sex with a woman. But I don’t want to rn cuz I’m dating a man. And I can’t fantasize about sex with him cuz I’m getting intrusive thoughts about my friends and I having sex. I have this urge to watch porn cuz it’s been a while but I’m not going to. I’ve cut down a lot on masturbation. Partially cuz this partially cuz I wanna do things with my bf (when I’m mentally ok) but jow my brain is saying “Oo you think all these women are so hot you’re gonna go feral blah blah blah” and yes women are hot but I don’t wanna have sex with a woman. Idk saying women are hot doesn’t bring me anxiety but the thought of sex with one or leaving my bf and saying I’m a lesbian bother me. Cuz I know it’s not true. I love him I know that. I’d be happy if we stayed together. I wouldn’t regret a thing honestly. I like having sex with him. Idc if it’s not like porn or the movies. As long as I’m being pleasured and he’s being pleasured we’re good. That’s what sex is about. I think the loss of butterflies is normal cuz the excitement of like (sorry tmi) fingering and oral eventually wears off right? But still feels good. I don’t feel as excited about intimacy anymore cuz we have done it so often but it still feels nice. But my brain perceives that as me not liking sex with men and therefore I’m gay. No I just don’t feel the need to jump his bones every single time I see him?? Idk the friend thing is bothering me. Idk if I feel any joy behind it. The groinal response really really throws my perception off

Mika05

Date posted: 9w ago

Worried about not being anxious?

These past few days I was fine. Minimal intrusive thoughts ,no anxiety etc(to add I'm on medication so maybe it's starting to work although it barely is 2 weeks) and today I got a sudden wave of anxiety and it started latching on some thoughts like" what if I'm in denial and I wanna break up with my bf? And what if erp doesn't work for me because I actually wanna break up with my bf?" But they didn't really stay long usually those thoughts would make me spiral for days or so, now they lasted for some hours. And now I'm trying to trigger myself into being anxious again because if I don't it means I don't have ocd and if I don't have ocd it means I don't love my bf and if I don't love my bf it means I have to break up. Idk if it makes sense but the lack of anxiety makes me wonder if I actually have ocd or not.

Elliesmith

Date posted: 8w ago

Is this a symptom of soocd

I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?

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Sex and erection

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