- Date posted
- 35w
Help
I feel no anxiety about the thought of 🔪 my family in their sleep ugh
I feel no anxiety about the thought of 🔪 my family in their sleep ugh
Thank you for saying this - gives me hope that I’ll be ok (: Quick question tho - when u had harm ocd did you go through a stage where u felt little to no emotion and not panic or anxiety and the thoughts were coming up as “i want to” or “i don’t care” or “im going to” but it wasn’t bothering you. And it makes u feel like wow i am a bad person who would do this and i want to and idc and not feeling anything
@Dreamydream Yes my brain right now is saying “ yes I want to harm my brother “ I feel crazy :(
@ocdsuxxx I understand how u feel - I go from feeling numb and not emotions to tearing up later in the day
@Dreamydream Me too :(
Are you seeing a ERP therapist?
Ocd "backdoor spike" where you worry about no longer having no anxiety over things that used to cause you anxiety. Its often a sign of progress :)
@OneDayAtATimee Really?
@Dreamydream Yup! :) It’s a common experience. Sometimes when you have the same type of thought for a long time- it becomes a bit repetitive and boring and it starts to feel less anxiety provoking, especially if you’ve been doing ERP around it. But that phenomenon itself freaks ppl out because they start to think “well if I’m not anxious does this mean I like the thought?” It’s all OCD trickery 😄
@OneDayAtATimee I started therapy but we haven’t started erp yet… is it still common for me to feel like i don’t care and my emotions are low? It’s like telling me oh well u wouldn’t care if u did these terrible things and it’s not making me anxious but i don’t like the feeling of not caring it makes me feel like im becoming bad.
@Dreamydream Yup a lack of anxiety is common 👍 Isn’t it so contradictory of Ocd that we desperately want that anxiety to go away but when it actually does go away- we worry and want it to come back? 😄 Ocd applies to both situations- both worrying over having anxiety and not having it. It sucks because either way we feel miserable but that’s the sneaky nature of this disorder
@OneDayAtATimee Yes it’s so weird - do you have harm OCD?
@Dreamydream Relatable af
@Dreamydream I used to suffer from Harm Ocd, POCD, and suicidal OCD all around the same time- but I recovered from those themes 3 years ago using ERP, ACT, community support, and positive distractions :)
@OneDayAtATimee That’s amazing! How long were you struggling for prior to recovering?
@OneDayAtATimee Amazing !!!!
@Dreamydream Aw thanks so much! 😇 I remember having harm Ocd thoughts even when I was around 13 years old. That faded away idk how. But when I turned 21, I went through a stressful breakup and Harm Ocd randomly came back so aggressively and I got POCD and suicidal Ocd for the 1st time. I went through ERP with a therapist for only a couple months and I’ve never struggled with POCD or harm Ocd ever since, thank God!!👍 But unfortunately OCD switched themes to relationship Ocd and moral scrupulosity, which is what I’m dealing with now 😅 But this- I’m determined to beat also!
@ocdsuxxx Thank you so much! 🙏🥳
@OneDayAtATimee Proud of you!! You will beat this as well 💪🏼 I struggled with harm OCD for like 6 months 8 years ago and recently like a month ago i relapsed
@Dreamydream Thanks so much :) I really appreciate that. You’ll get through it too! ❤️ Trust in the ERP process and you’ll gain an even happier life than you ever had previously
(Trigger warning) So recently I’ve caught myself being more content with these thoughts…and due to the fact of me not freaking out is making me freak out because I also have this weird little birdy in my thoughts that just say “do it” I’m not sure if I’m the only one and I’m ofc scared of that but please tell me this is normal…I can’t even cuddle my boyfriend or anything right now.
I feel like I did something bad now because I went to put the blanket on my brother and my hand was close to his back I had a thought before like “it’s time to touch him” and I stood up and he was on a call but he was sleeping so now I’m like why did I stood up? Was it to take the iPad or what exactly? I feel like a child molester I don’t remember touching his area or butt because I didn’t but I had my hand near his back I asked my brother if I did anything he said no I asked if I did anything when I put the blanket over him he said he was sleeping so that doesn’t reassure me So I almost acted on it?
17f That's it I'm a monster. Before yesterday I had classic textbook POCD. Avoided children like crazy, was scared to even look at them. But something randomly clicked in my head and I became a monster. I suddenly became numb to s*xual thoughts about children. No anxiety, no remorse, no "this is wrong" or "this is weird" feeling. Nothing. Just weird curiosity. I was able to imagine SAing a child. Even made a hypothetical plan on how I would do it. And still. No remorse. No nothing. Now it's the next day and I'm freaking out. I still feel kinda numb to the images and the morality itself but at the same time it scared me how OKAY I was with the thoughts even made a PLAN.
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