Hello

I'm glad you still have hope of overcoming OCD. I hope and pray you won't lose hope, as it's very important in our journey through it. :) I'd like to first of all say that I am a Christian, and God is the source of my joy and peace. No amount of therapy or medication can replace the relationship I have with Him. I have only taken one medication throughout my entire OCD journey, Zoloft (Certruline). When I first started taking it, I had a few side effects, but they went away after a week or so. I've adjusted my dosage over time since 2012, I was even completely off of the medication for like close to a year at one point. I'm back on it now and it is helpful to me in keeping my thoughts under control. I don't currently see a therapist, but I used to. It honestly wasn't super helpful in my personal opinion and experience, but I believe therapy has the potential to be very helpful. I'm glad you're able to attend individual and group therapy. Do you feel they are helpful to you? Why are you afraid of death if you don't share about your experiences? In what ways has OCD taken complete control over your life?

@Drew777 It's crazy; I am a believer, but I often question my beliefs, and I'm not sure why. I feel like when I put everything in God's hands, I end up facing worse situations, particularly complications within health with my family, which makes me feel like I'm being tested. I don't want to delve too deeply into this subject because it can be a touchy subject. Honestly, I think my uncertainty stems from the fact that many members of my family have passed away at a young age, which leads to intrusive thoughts that I might face a similar fate due to my health complications. And its hard to overcome come unfortunately

@Brittany07 So, you feel like when you try to entrust everything to God, it feels like things in your life get worse? Particularly health related? When we put our trust in God, it doesn't always mean that everything in our lives is just going to get better. Sometimes God uses our circumstances, even the bad ones, to grow us in order so that our faith in Him will grow as we realize we have nowhere else to turn, that we need to lean on Him and Him alone. (Like you said with how you feel like you're being tested). Health issues are difficult to face, and honestly I personally haven't had to deal with that very much in my life, but the way to deal with the anxiety remains the same, to trust in God with the situation, no matter what it is. It's good to be wise though, taking care of yourself is important. Your physical health and mental health are big factors in your life that shouldn't be ignored. Going to doctors is important and getting the help you need is good. But, to sit around and fear over it isn't healthy either. You do what you can in the ways how God leads for you to handle it, and then you leave the rest of the outcome of it in His hands and trust Him no matter what may happen. I can imagine how others in your family having certain health issues would cause you to think that you potentially could too, but it doesn't do any good to assume that you will for sure have those same health issues. Maybe you will, maybe you won't, but God will give you the strength to face whatever comes your way. I hope this was helpful. :)

Thank you so much! I still have hope and fight every day. I will definitely check out your post!

@Brittany07 - Yes! Love that. There is always hope, and there IS effective treatment. Have you ever tried looking into ERP therapy?

@Andrea Wells Yes, I have been doing that for the last five months, but it hasn't seemed to help yet.

@Brittany07 - Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear that it hasn't seemed to help yet. Are you doing therapy at NOCD?

@Andrea Wells I'm not at the moment

@Brittany07 - Hmmm. I wonder if you may benefit from switching therapists? After 5 months, of ERP you should theoretically be feeling a lot better. I know there are a lot of therapists out there too who try to do ERP, but they don't actually have the thorough training to do it properly (if that makes sense). Have you ever explored treatment with NOCD? I did treatment with a resource outside of NOCD at first and didn't get the progress I hoped for either. When I switched to NOCD it was a big difference. Every therapist here goes through a really intensive training program on OCD and ERP before they start working here and let me say, it was a big difference! I feel so much better now and I no longer meet the diagnostic threshold for OCD

@Andrea Wells My experience with ERP, making it difficult for me to explain. I have a lot of fear about potential health complications; however, I’m not afraid to visit the doctor because I feel a sense of relief when I do. I find myself more frightened by the unknown, which can make it hard for me to confront certain situations. When it comes to medical matters, it can be challenging to accept that something might be wrong, and it’s tough to say no to seeking help.

@Brittany07 - I relate to that word for word. Health OCD is triggered by the unknown. Going to the doctor in this case is a compulsion. It provides relief, though it never lasts. The fear and doubts come back. The fear of the unknown that you might have something serious going on with your health comes back. The urge to see the doctor again comes back. The cycle continues. ERP is what breaks that cycle. It is all about teaching you how to work with that uncertainty. You are right, it's very hard to accept that something might be wrong. It can feel impossible to say no to seeking help. Especially when you feel like your life and safety may be in danger! When someone is properly trained in ERP and administers it effectively, they can work with those concerns. I felt the EXACT same way as you and ERP still helped. The therapists at NOCD know how to do ERP in a very particular, structured, gradual, and manageable way. For example, if your biggest struggle is that you can't resist the urge to go to the doctor when you are scared... that's not what your ERP will focus on. It's not helpful to try and start with that. I like to use a swimming pool analogy for ERP. Consider that the "deep end" of the ERP pool is resisting going to the doctor. You don't start there. When ERP is done properly, you first slooooooowly tiptoe to the edge of the pool. Then maybe after some time, you dip a toe in. Then you get used to the shallow end, and master some swimming skills. Then much much later, you are better equipped to gradually move towards deeper water. It really sounds like maybe your current therapist isn't doing ERP in the most effective way for you. If certain situations with ERP are still feeling impossible to resist and there is no improvement after 5 months, it could be that this therapist isn't the best equipped to do this type of treatment. I want to assure you that you definitely still can find relief in your situation, and you CAN learn how to accept uncertainty (as impossible as that may feel right now!). When you have the right kind of therapist in your corner, it makes a huge difference.

@Andrea Wells Thank you for this. I have definitely been through various types of therapy that have helped with the ERP process. However, I don't understand why it's not clicking for me. Instead of avoiding or neutralizing my obsessions through compulsions, I reach a point where the anxiety becomes so overwhelming that it interferes with my obsessions. As a result, I find myself returning to those obsessions, and I can't seem to snap out of it, no matter how hard I work at it. It's really frustrating. Like you said maybe looking for someone more experienced with this will give me hope. I still have hope so that a positive thing. I truly appreciate your response

I have tried to confront my intrusive thoughts, but it often becomes overwhelming. I find myself fixating on my health to the point where it consumes me. I start thinking and thinking, and as I become more tuned in to my body, I begin to feel physical sensations that heighten my anxiety. I know that researching my symptoms is not helpful, but I often can't help myself; it feels like an internal struggle. As a result, I end up calling my healthcare provider to ensure everything is okay. However, each time I go in for a check-up, there always seems to be another complication. This has led me to fear the worst, such as the possibility of emergency surgeries due to the medications I'm taking, or concerns about cysts or the risk of a dissection. Even though there are usually explanations for these issues, I still find myself overwhelmed by my thoughts and questioning everything. It's a real struggle to sit with these feelings.