anxious artist
- Date posted
- 25w
How do you cope with Internet Trauma?
I find myself getting panic attacks over things that I was exposed to as a teen in my younger years and they still haunt me sometimes.
BigGyro09BigGyro09
- Date posted
- 25w
I have the very same problem. The memories don't ever go away and I don't really know what to do about them. All I can really do is find distractions throughout the day.
anxious artistanxious artist
- Date posted
- 25w
@BigGyro09 That works too, I occasionally play video games if I’m getting anxious over my thoughts again. it’s hard though to deal with the guilt of knowing that stuff traumatized you and was unaware of it until you got older, because ocd will use it as proof that you may/may not be a bad person despite having limited knowledge about safety online.
BigGyro09BigGyro09
- Date posted
- 25w
@anxious artist I couldn't have said it better. You're exactly right about all of that. I sometimes find myself blaming myself for finding and even looking for that kind of stuff but truthfully I didn't know better and I didn't get any kind of education on that side of life. I only blame myself because it's not like anyone else showed it to me, I found all of it. It pretty much put a dent in my childhood and it made my teenage years worse than they were looking back. The hardest part is actually trying to sit with those thoughts and letting your mind just think. I tried that the other night and the worst stuff from several different things in life just kept popping up, so it's no wonder I along with other people use distractions all the time
anxious artistanxious artist
- Date posted
- 25w
@BigGyro09 We all made regrettable mistakes during our youth and don’t even realize it till later in our adulthood years. Even if you can’t undo the past, the best thing you can do is move forward. Life will keep going either way. As long as you understand that what happened was a result of PTSD, you can still survive, there’s people out there with similar trauma to you with friends and families. A trauma therapist can help you process those emotions and help you get back on your own two feet. Don’t worry about what people say online, as it doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. No one is perfect and experiences the same lifestyle.
BigGyro09BigGyro09
- Date posted
- 25w
@anxious artist I dunno, I think this has ruined my life in some ways. It's always those painful memories and I don't feel like I can ever truly move on from them. If I never got exposed to that stuff at that time, I feel like I would have had such a great time in high school and had an easier time making friends. I also think it's held me back from making true connections. I also think it's one of the reasons I even have OCD in the first place because that stuff influenced the way I acted when I was around that age. It just sucks overall and I hate being reminded of it over and over again. It's basically like drugs to me. I hate that I have felt helplessness against it for so long and I just wish I was never introduced to that stuff. I feel like if I wasn't, thing would have gone so much smoother in my teen years. I probably would have had an easier time making friends, anxiety wouldn't be an issue, and I probably would have had relationships as well. It just took so much from me and it's hard to really focus on anything else without the trauma aspect of these things being solved. I hate it so much.
Related posts
SunnyAnon
- Date posted
- 24w
dealing with OCD flashbacks 18+
i currently am getting over my period and have been having a horrible flashbacks from some real events. it’s a amalgamation of all of the horrible things i did as a child/young teenager. all of it associated with p0rnography + sexual activities i did. i was exposed to sexual activity very young and it lead me down a dark path. i’ve had OCD forever it seems. it’s hard because i can see that i’ve had OCD symptoms since childhood but i constantly doubt wether or not my actions where because of OCD or something i genuinely wanted/was attracted to. i can’t seem to differentiate the two and it’s scaring me. i’m worried i was genuinely into the kind of stuff and it’s constantly flashing in my mind the last two days of things i compulsively did years ago. to be absolutely clear it has been years since i’ve even thought about those taboo things or saw anything of that sort. i’m talking 5 or 6 years give or take. it still feels like yesterday. in recent years i’ve completely pulled away from p0rn and now find it and s3x a lot less appealing. but every so often i get these intense flashbacks on things i did or saw or thought and it puts everything on hold. everything im interested in gets but on the back burner in fear of my intrusive thoughts being thrown into the mix. currently experiencing that now. im mortified of ruining everything i love because of these stupid thoughts. does anyone have any advice or experience with this specifically and have any tips???
Lulu~
- Date posted
- 21w
Someone please help me right now
I’m a csa survivor which made me develop hypersexuality while actually being a asexual individual. (Where I did CP and talked to groomers and sexted, ect ect) A few months ago I’ve started to heal, but the fact that I’ve seen so many private parts since I was idk, young? I imagine them everywhere, it’s really frustrating and sometimes I also get intrusive thoughts about other kids or my siblings. It’s deeply distributing but I also kind of think of it from a curious kind of aspect which I despise too. Honestly I have a hard time with any kid in underwear, my intrusive thoughts have been ALOT the last months and they’re really really overwhelming. I also easily go into overanalysing them or even trying to figure out more clearer the thoughts to “test myself”. I think, I hope. Idk it’s scary
str4berrycoo...
- Date posted
- 20w
how i deal with the "what ifs" (+18)
i feel like i have been posting a lot about this and i will try to stop since now but i just don't know where to start or what to do, and i can't take therapy right now either. my event is about something that did actually happen; i had a boyfriend and we had a 1.5 age difference (i know this sounds stupid) but the thing is that we both started to sext a lot since he was 14 and i was 15. we shared audios videos pictures ect and i don't know how to just let this go, even when i know that i never really forced him into anything and i was always constantly worried about him being comfortable, when to stop and ect. the memories keep coming back to my mind and the guilt is eating me up slowly because i keep thinking that i'm a predator or a groomer or something like that. i don't know how to deal with the what ifs either, lately i haven't stopped thinking what if i sexually harassed or sexually exploited him or something like that. how do i deal with the cycle of guilt and constant what ifs if i also feel like my event is worse than others i've seen? please help me with this. it's getting a lil tiring and even if somedays i know how to deal with this, i still get really triggered sometimes. this wouldn't even bother me before, i wish i could just get back in time before this theme popped into my mind. my life has been a hell since then and i live constantly scared and suicidal.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond