Each night I go to bed determined to stop compulsions and start beating this disorder. Then I wake up and it smacks me in the face first thing and I’m doing a compulsion before I know it. I told my therapist that I would try to handle it like we do in session, but I’ve already failed. It seems like I can’t bring ERP into my “real” life.
Every day I tell myself I am going to really do what I need to do to combat the OCD—and every day I fail. I was just thinking of this again this morning.
So, what if you do something then to undo the compulsion right after you do it? Then, spend the rest of the day living in the uncertainty of the undone compulsion. I have people do this all of the time. A compulsion does not have to mean a defeat - it can be an opportunity to challenge and move forward. Therefore, try something different: Undo that morning compulsion right away and then have your day. I would bet that your urge to do the compulsion will start to fade over time if you do this. If you need help with this, we are here to assist at NOCD.
This is something I've had to learn. I do a compulsion and then immediately lean back into the uncertainty. I have accepted I will 'fail', do compulsions. I think accepting that up front take a lot of pressure off yourself.
Cortisol is higher in the morning. It's not surprising it's so hard then. Doing your exposures is practice, but it is harder in real life. We do exposures a lot to build that muscle and it slowly translate into real life. When, and it is a when, you do a compulsion, lean immediately back into uncertainty. I had to learn to accept that I was going to do a certain amount of compulsions. My goal is to avoid them, not never do one. It's too much pressure. I'm going to mess up. And when I mess, beating myself up about it makes it way worse. Accept you will mess up. That is part of the journey. A part you will not get rid of.
@Anonymous Good points
It happens to me too and especially since my intrusive thoughts are terrible in the morning. Just keep trying your best, it will get better.
What is the problem with getting smacked in the morning? Also how do you want to stop doing compulsions? Last time I checked it is impossible to stop thoughts from appearing.
@Philipp2024 I am confused by the question how do you want to stop doing compulsions? What do you mean? What I am saying by this is that I want to stop doing all of the behaviors that are keeping me stuck. Like rumination, mental checking, and online researching. It is the mental checking that makes me so bad. Is this not what I’m supposed to do, or am I approaching it wrong?
@Crook No that sounds about right, even though I would not call it stopping them but rather living life while all these thoughts are happening in the background. I don’t think there is a big problem with having these thoughts as long as you are not actively trying to pursue them. I will however make an exception for the online researching, I think this one should actually just be stopped, because it’s physical. You said in your original post that you find yourself compulsing before you know it. I think this will always be the case as long as you are not compulsively checking every single one of your thoughts which you don’t want to do in the first place. Also by punishing yourself doing compulsions is making it even harder. I think self compassion can not only be very healthy for your self worth but also helping you to move on which also is a part of response prevention. Sorry if I’m not very clear, these concepts are complicated and I don’t have everything figured out myself.
@Philipp2024 No, this is very helpful. You know what you are doing. I remember getting advice from you about recovering from somatic OCD. I think if you can do that, you definitely have the concepts!
Hey- I told myself the same thing last night. Today, I am showing up super hard. Since “thinking about it” or “trying to figure it out” are compulsions, I’ve done more compulsions than anything today before I can even breathe. So what? I think OCD wants to trick you that it’s a failure to stop you from continuing. I told myself my plan today is to sit in my chair and suffer through whatever. I’m suffering! When I catch myself trying to figure it out, I stop and keep suffering. I’m crying, I want to destroy myself I am so scared. So what? OCD is so dumb. OCD is coming for you, and it’s gonna try to be a jerk all day. Take it all in! The horror of it all- bask in it! And when you catch yourself doing a compulsion, “ope, ocd! Got me again!” And right back to your suffering! Let’s go!!!
@Isala I followed your all or nothing approach and failed miserably. The more you try to get rid of compulsions the more this in itself becomes a compulsion. What I prefer doing is allowing myself to do compulsions, but to just keep moving on with life instead of getting stuck with the idea of trying to get rid of them all. When you are just sitting around trying not to compulse your whole world unironically becomes OCD. If you instead go out and life your life you are shifting your attention away from OCD, which is more in line with response prevention.
@Philipp2024 That makes sense- it’s just my life is empty, and I can’t get fired from my job. So I told myself today I’m working, so even if I am trashed in my brain, I’m going to sit at my desk and either work or sit with the fear instead of trying to negotiate with any OCD stuff. I’m not trying to get rid of it. Some of my thoughts just move through, and that is my goal. But I spend 90% of my day in isolation, and with great effort, I can change that to 70%. What else can I do? The OCD challenges me at every step and every moment and wants me to die. That is why all day I walk towards living because I want a life. Anyway, Crook, I just don’t want you to lose heart because by showing up for whatever you decide to do, you are making progress each day. Doing a compulsion isn’t a failure. All of your work is building and making a difference in your brain.
@Isala „Today I’m working even though my brain is trashed“ is a perfect example of what response prevention looks like 👍 I think Pure O just works a little different than if you have physical compulsions like hand washing. Hand washing can be stopped, thoughts can’t. The moment you try to stop the thought you are indirectly thinking it. Changing isolation from 90 to 70% is already big success. Remember recovery is already happening if you would only go from 90 to 89. Now let’s live our lives and when these crazy thoughts and feelings are come on put on a smile and keep rocking 🤘
@Philipp2024 Gotta stop engaging with the thoughts though- and that’s tough. That’s what I’m talking about here- rumination is poison. Let’s go!!
Hey today I’m feeling very tired because of my OCD I’m just so tired of it. I feel I’m doing everything to get better. I disregard the thoughts, I’m trying to do things like I don’t have ocd but it doesn’t want to go away. I was doing fine for a long period of time and now I feel like I’m back a square one. It’s been almost 2 months now I’m battling with OCD and I’m just tired. Sure I have moments where it’s better than others, I also have days where I barely have OCD but I also have really bad days like today where I just don’t want to get out of bed. Last time I had a relapse it took my 4 weeks to get out of it I don’t understand why this time it takes me more. I’m starting believing that I will never feel better again. Anyway I’m gonna try to find the strength to get out of bed and to start my day. But I just wanted to share. It’s such a horrible illness.
Having a really rough night tonight. Currently I'm having a lot of contamination obsessions and compulsions with using the bathroom and when I use it I usually end up spending at least an hour and a half including all the cleaning rituals and showering afterwards and I just started seeing a new therapist to help with this. Tonight it unfortunately hit me in the middle of the night at like starting at 1 am and finishing close to 3 am. This ended up making both my mom and dad really angry with me and this is not a new situation. For context, my dad doesn't believe in mental illnesses at all and my mother is better and much more understanding, but still doesn't believe it's real to an extent. With my mom being more supportive than my dad, it leads to arguments between them a lot especially ever since they brought me home (I recently graduated college and my OCD got to the point where I was unable to have a job or function normally in taking care of myself by living alone). My mom tends to lash out at me when she gets stressed about these arguments with my dad over me because she can't talk back to him and that in turn usually causes me to spiral and get worse and so the cycle continues. This recent time my dad started yelling at me from downstairs because I was flushing the toilet too much for his liking and my mom said some hurtful things to me. I understand that it's not easy living with me especially right now and I can see why they're upset but I really am trying to get better but I can't just get better overnight and automatically be able to control all my compulsions, especially with the severity they're at right now. I'm not really sure how to navigate my family situation like this with a lack of a support network or someone in my family who believes that what I'm going through with OCD is real and it's not just me choosing to do these things. Has anyone else experienced a similar home situation and have any tips on getting through it?
I have contamination OCD that causes me to excessively wash my hands/clean items with disinfectant wipes. I know I just need to start with small exposures but how do I do that without spiraling? I tried a while back by just touching the outside of my dishwasher and not washing my hands after and it led to me being unable to even exist in my house. I basically lived on my couch for three weeks as it was the only 'safe' space that I had not touched with my dirty hands. I had to take a week off work to clean my house to make it somewhat liveable. I still haven't got round to cleaning everything though so things like my kitchen are still no-go zones that I don't enter. I just don't know how to start ERP without it making everything worse. Any advice would be appreciated. I am not seeing a therapist at the moment due to financial constraints.
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