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Is it possible to have been living your life well and enjoying your days but have been physically hurting people without knowing? Like you are always aware of your actions right? I have this terrible feeling that I hurt one of my students and went through an entire week either blacking it out or not realizing. But it’s something I feel like you should realize. A disturbing dream seems to have triggered this.

Hate myself for who I used to be. I used to sleep around. I drove drunk a couple times. I was careless. I’m so ashamed because it’s not who I am and especially not who I am now. I did it because I was lonely. And now I suffer not knowing if I hit or killed or hurt someone. This pain is just draining.

Iiii am horribly, terribly afraid of driving. I'm almost 19, and getting my license - or really even getting in a car and driving myself - has eluded me for quite some time. There are a lot of unknowns, and it's very hard to reconcile with; even on familiar routes, every drive's gonna be different, there are gonna be different people on the road than there were on a successful drive (and obviously I can't trust other people, because I never know what could happen), there might be construction or a wreck or some other hindrance in the road. It's tough to process, over and over, that I can't read the future, let alone control it to circumvent any Possible woes. I've never experienced a severe wreck or anything to justify this fear, the worst I've done is mix up the brake and gas once in an empty lot (nothing and nobody harmed aside from some fear on my end, just a scratch on the car!) yet I'm Petrified of causing an accident, hurting myself or especially someone else, and incurring debts a college student like myself can't pay off. Even so, not having my license is.. frustrating! It's easier and more comfortable to avoid practicing and actually getting there, but at the same time it's hard and disappointing because I have no independence in the way of going to work, shopping, or seeing my friends or partner. It's a real back and forth conundrum of "Phew, at least I can't drive" -> "Oh no I can't drive" -> "Oh no I have to drive", rinse and repeat. I'm headed off to college now, really running out of time (I've booked an instructor for myself and may end up in a position to test this week.. I leave Friday 😟) and more antsy than ever. Anybody else ever feel/felt this way?