Does anyone relate please talk to me

Has anyone else had an abortion? It’s making me go insane. It’s been about a year but I feel more guilty than ever. New compulsion is thinking I can never have a baby ever again. I don’t know how to navigate these feelings or these thoughts at all. I don’t have anyone close to me who has gotten an abortion or has ocd and I’m struggling to communicate my feelings to the people closest to me because I don’t think they’ll understand and I feel like it’s been long enough that any “normal” person would have gotten over it. I genuinely think I’m incapable of having kids again and I feel like I’m mourning not only the baby I could’ve had but also life as a mother. Not sure if this makes sense at all. If you relate or need someone to talk to this about please reach out.

Crook

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 36w

Please consider trying ERP therapy. It can really help you.

giannabb

Date posted: 13w

Heyy girl. I’m so relived to read this and hear from someone else experiencing ocd and the guilt of an abortion. I was 18 when I took the pills. I was 7 weeks and 5 days. I drove to Illinois on February 13th this year. It’s haunted me ever since. I’ve always wanted to be a mother and I know I would be a good one. I keep telling myself the very best mothers are the ones who knew they weren’t ready. But I can’t help but think I was selfish. At the time I was only with my boyfriend for 4 months. We’re still together but he also doesn’t feel like we did anything bad at all. We’ve gotten into so many fights over the fact that I was going through the worst pain of my fucking life begging to go to the hospital before he finallyyy brought me. He’s apologized many times cuz I’ll start breaking down every couple weeks about it. It’s the fact that so many people struggle to get pregnant and can’t and I threw mine away. The fact that I’m a cute girl and I know that wouldn’t been a cute baby with a full head of curly hair. The fact that a coworker got pregnant the same time as me and I’m going to her baby shower I was supposed to be having too. The fact that I could’ve waited just a couple more weeks to know the gender. I want that baby back so bad it’s not even funny bust mostly I wish I would’ve never got it out there. And I tried to reverse it but it only made things worse. Im always googling what a baby looks like at 7 weeks and a lot of the pictures are so different I didn’t realize that what I had in me wasn’t a grain of rice it had lil arms and legs. That never got the chance. I wonder if Heavens real and I’ll get to meet that baby where ever I sent it too. Which hopefully wasn’t just down the mf toilet. I wish my bf wouldn’t felt lucky to get me pregnant but he didn’t want to take on the responsibility of the cutest kid he could’ve ever had. I’m Italian with long curly brown hair and he’s mixed. We could’ve had something real special. I wish he thought about it like that. While the pills were kicking in I was at his house and all I wanted was my mom but I didn’t really want her to know. It hurt so fucking bad I just wanted to sleep it off but I couldn’t sleep or keep the pain meds down. Just trying this is making me sick so imma stop going into detail. I’ve googled it a thousand times and apparently abortions are very safe and don’t effect fertility. I hope one day we both get to have a baby that we don’t even gotta think twice about having. I’ve always heard and seen that the first baby always looks like the dad. Maybe when I have a second baby it’ll look like me and rlly be all mine. I was so back and forth with getting the abortion when I changed my mind about keeping it my bf lowkey started tripping and I didn’t wanna ruin his life. He’s happy now but not a day goes by where I don’t think about it. It’s haunting it hurts and i lowkey feel all alone in it. Cuz it doesn’t bother him at all that’s the baby had his blood type and it could’ve been a boy like he wanted. Anyways idk if you’ll see this but know you’re not alone and I can’t say that it’ll ever get better but I’ve gotta believe that everything happens for a reason or I’ll drown forever

september_

Date posted: 7w

Hello... Yes I understand. I have been struggling with OCD for years and did not know that's what was going on. I was struggling so much in my mental health that in July of 2024 I told my husband I wanted to stop trying to have a baby for a while to work on myself. In November of 2024 I sought treatment for my anxiety, which I then found out was OCD. It was a slow process to get started and I wasn't getting better.... Lets just say cycle tracking isn't perfect and neither am I. I thought my period was delayed due to stress. In February I threw up while watching Nosferatu and started to think I might be pregnant. Took a test, definitely was... I was very excited. 8 years of infertility and it was finally my turn. I started having nightmares of hurting my baby, to the point where I wasn't sleeping and was absolutely terrified. I started avoiding my therapist and wouldn't talk to my husband. Finally after a few weeks I exploded and told my husband everything... We came to the decision together that even though this is beautiful, its not meant to be right now. I still with the guilt every day and today was a particularly difficult day. for me. It comes in waves. I am constantly scared that I will not be able to have a baby in the future. I am considering surrogacy for my future journey... All this to say, you are not alone and you are definitely experiencing the normal parts of this very unfun journey.

jsford04

Date posted: 24w

so overwhelmingly sad and need someone to talk to

My OCD has become so bad and I feel so alone. I have religious OCD (Christianity) and I’ve been doing okay with letting the blasphemous thoughts go in the moment, but I’m so overcome with guilt and shame I can barely function. I can feel okay and hopeful for a few minutes and then I’m reminded of the horrible thoughts and how nothing can take them back and I can’t handle the guilt. I’m becoming a burden to my family and feel so alone. I do not know what to do. Please help.

Anony1314

Date posted: 21w

Someone help me please

Please help me. I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. I'm struggling STRUGGLING today. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support? (edited)

Anony1314

Date posted: 20w

Please someone comment. Struggling POCD mom.

Please please help me. I need support. I just need someone to be up front with me. Tell me the truth. I want to get past it all. I'm struggling STRUGGLING today. My mind is telling me I'm the only one who is dealing with something like this. Idk why I did my biggest fear. I was put on a new medication when this happened which caused me to spiral, my thoughts to be more often, and have insomnia. I have been diagnosed with POCD as well. I woke up in the middle of the night when my child was laying completely cross my chest. I was breathing and having groinal sensations. My mind told me that I assaulted her by this, and I was going to prison for it. My thoughts started going like this, "you're already bad might as well do something else", "no sense in stopping now" "you can finally do what you've always wanted", "what would you do if you could do anything to cause harm" So I had to think of what to do in the moment. The only thing I could think to do was move my elbow towards my child's groin. In the moment it felt like I really wanted to do this. I proceeded to do so, and my elbow touched her groin. I immediately told my child to move off me. I then went back to sleep. When I woke up, I began panicking, confessing to a family member what happened, and crying immensely. I feel like I failed as a mother. I'm in such distress since I started sleeping on the floor to avoid it from happening again, and I got off the medication. I'm so much better OCD wise since I got off the meds. I was the BEST mom months ago before this happened. The thoughts have always bothered me, and I was always scared I would give in and act on them. I'm living my worst nightmare. I feel alone. Felt so wanted in the moment and SO real. Ugh. Could someone just give me some support? (edited)

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