Need help

Everyday just gets worse and worse and there’s no way to escape the cycle. This constant feeling of dread and guilt I can’t stand it. I have no one to talk to about any of this because I have a fear of them thinking of me different and I don’t like putting my problems on people it just makes me feel like I want attention or something like even when I’m writing this paragraph. I’m stuck in a constant loop. Constant aggressive thoughts and compulsions. I’m 18 and I don’t know about any of my insurance or anything so I can’t get a therapist on here and I really don’t wanna talk to my mom about any of this. I dread having to wake up everyone morning and continue with this shit all day every day. I hate complaining but I just can’t stand this. I don’t know what to do. I’m slowly losing every inch of my mind.

Username: thecosmochameleonthecosmocham...

Date posted: 27d ago

Hey love, think of on a scale 1-10, how supportive your family would be if you simply brought up that you are really struggling with OCD? Also do you have any sort of resources through something like a school, church, etc.? I have been seeking some short-term assistance through what my university offers.

Username: DefcollinDefcollin

Date posted: 27d ago

@thecosmochameleon That’s the thing there’s no resources around me especially for something like ocd, no one in this town even really knows about or it or even has it. I feel like they might be supportive but idk a lot of my family has the mindset of toughen it out and bottle it up. If I had to think of a scale for it I’d probably say 6-10. Idk they might be more supportive I think but I just don’t wanna have to put them thru my problems. I Really appreciate the message btw

Username: Tea and HoneyTea and Honey

Date posted: 27d ago

I didn’t really get better when I didn’t talk to anyone about my OCD. The first time I be opened up to someone, I started to get better. You won’t be able to solve OCD by yourself. Thinking about it and trying to figure it out won’t help at all!!!! I know this. But you will get better if you get someone to help you. I encourage you to talk to someone. In addition, you might try Nathan Peterson’s online course. Or watch his videos on You Tube. He trains people how to apply ERP to OCD in order to get better. I’ll link a few of his things down below. https://www.ocd-anxiety.com/master-your-ocd https://youtu.be/3vy6-bveenQ?si=MurQBLRfhj1DcMW9

Username: thecosmochameleonthecosmocham...

Date posted: 27d ago

You may have to put your pride aside on this one, put yourself first, and take care of yourself. Your mindset has to change to move forward somehow. Are there any books, podcasts, youtube videos that are giving you any sort of insightful information?

Username: DefcollinDefcollin

Date posted: 27d ago

@thecosmochameleon I really appreciate the response. I’m just not used to doing that tbh I usually worry about everyone else a lot of the time. I’ve watched a few videos on my situation but if you have any I’d like recommendations. I am trying to get better at self care it’s just so hard for me and idk why. I kinda have self destructing views sometimes

Username: juless3juless3

Date posted: 27d ago

I know how hard it is, I really do. I’ve been really struggling with my ruminating thoughts all day. But I have to tell myself“It’s just a thought, let it go”. It’s difficult to believe but I keep reminding myself. I know you said you don’t want to talk to your mom, but I personally find it so helpful confiding in my mom about my mental health. Letting things go and talking to my mom helps me get through my days. They are here to love and support us after all.

Username: DefcollinDefcollin

Date posted: 27d ago

@juless3 Yea I usually try to do that too but sometimes the thoughts just feel so real and idk why. Like it makes me feel like a weirdo and just destroys all of my confidence. I just always feel like I’m gonna fuck up so I usually never try anything new. And I might try talking to my mom about it soon I just don’t want to worry her, and we have a somewhat bipolar relationship ship sometimes like idk it’s hard to explain. I really appreciate your response btw thank you

Username: juless3juless3

Date posted: 27d ago

@Defcollin I totally understand how you feel. Everyday I feel like I’m insane or even lose control over myself. My thoughts feel so real, I worry so much about doing something bad to myself (even though I’m terrified of that). I do hope you can talk to your mom soon. Like I said they are here to help and care for us no matter what.

Username: juless3juless3

Date posted: 27d ago

@Defcollin My mom and I don’t always get along the best as well. But even during our arguments, she still loves me and will be there for me anytime. I’m sure your mom would do the same.

Username: AJH11AJH11

Date posted: 26d ago

I never believed it but it does get better. And the best thing I ddi was tell my mum x

Username: BigGyro09

Date posted: 24w ago

I'm really scared now

I'm just not doing alright at the moment. The thoughts keep on showing up. They keep on haunting me. I keep getting thoughts that say I'm really not a good person. Or that I have ulterior motives that are against who I am. Like if I'm a pedo or if I'm a sex offender, or an abuser. Or just not a good friend. I can't sit with them any longer. I just want medication to help me with this, even if it feels like I don't deserve to have it. I keep thinking about how even though I was uncomfortable talking to a 17 year old when I was 19 about their OCD, I still went anyway and helped them. Why did I do that? Was it some kind of exposure? Or when I was in the awkward position of someone passing by a tight space and their behind touched my elbow. I had thoughts saying to move it and not to move it and I didn't think I needed to because it wouldn't happen or it was just because I was zipping my bag up in the moment. But since it did happen, now I think I'm a deviant or a dangerous person. Or the thoughts talking about my exposure to porn as a teenager and doing very impulsive, cringe worthy things in relation to the whole exposure. The things I've watched, seen, or heard of. It all disturbs me very much and I can't take any of them back. Last time in therapy I just ended up crying because I just can't deal with this anymore. I'm even scared to try and get my family on board with medication. I'm just afraid they'll be bad at me if I do take it. At the same time though, I don't know if I care that much because it's either that or I just keep going through the days like.. this. I don't want to keep this up anymore. I just want a way out. I just want my life back. Right now it feels like I'll never get it back and it feels like all of what my intrusive thoughts say to me is true.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 22w ago

I hate pocd

I hate pocd so much… I hate it so much. I just want to be happy but this will never let me be happy. Idk if i only have pocd but my mind makes me think that i’m attracted to anyone I get close to. My mind doesn’t care how inappropriate it is. I hate this so much. I live with my family and I never go out. I’m stuck here with my thoughts and the people who trigger the thoughts. I hate saying that I feel so disgusting. I feel like a horrible disgusting person. I wanna live a happy life but I know itll never happen. I don’t want to kill myself but I wish I could just die. I just want it all to end. I don’t understand what caused this. Why me. I do believe that I can be a bad person sometimes. I’m so rude to my mom and I have a bad temper and no patience. I hate myself for it and I always try to blame my dad because he acted that way my whole childhood. What if this is my karma. I hate this so much. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up without an ocd thought. Sometime I think about taking medication but i’ve seen people struggle with choosing the right one. And I’ve seen people taking them still struggle. This will truly never end. What if while taking medication the thoughts are still there and it was never ocd. Im so scared.

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