Hello my fellow OCD Alumni lol.

Hello everyone! This is my first post since downloading the NOCD app and wanted to share a little about my life with OCD. I was first diagnosed when I was 17 but truly started noticing there was something going on with me as early as 10. To summarize: I have the repetitive ritualistic type of OCD. Basically, I have a fear of becoming other people. I believe that if I perform an action, like turning off the sink or closing a door, or even breathing in and out while thinking about somebody, especially someone that I dislike, that eventually I will become just like that person or experience something they've been through that is negative; like health issues, personality issues, or social status decline. Simple example: I know this one dude named Richard, I worked with him in retail, and he told me about how his brother died at a young age. Now, it’s nighttime, and with that new information known about Richard, I believe, that If I take my contact out while thinking of Richard, or an image of him appears in my head while I’m taking out my contact, I believe that MY brother is going to eventually die too. What’s the solution?: I worked with another kid in retail. His name is Mikey, he was decently put together, and his brother didn’t die. So that means: Now with my contact still on my finger, I put it to my eyeball, and keep tapping at my eyeball with my contact while trying to get an image of Mikey perfectly timed, so that I can cancel out the image of Richard and save my brothers life. This is a challenge because the image of Richard, or I should say, the fear that my brother could die from this thought, is strong, and often times I have to think of other people (from other life experiences) along with Mikey just to feel confident that I got the image cancelled enough to move forward. Every day, I complete many actions and with every action comes a thought or image of some person I’ve encountered in my life that I’m either afraid of becoming or obtaining the same negative life experiences, which therefore means I also have all the othet people in my mind, at the ready, that cancel them out too. Every day I cancel people out and repeat actions disguised to the public. Sometimes it’s noticeable, but knowing how to cover your ugly side while making sure you don’t mess up your future with the wrong thought is just what I call life. I’m a man with a thousand people in his head and its been an EXHAUSTING journey. But through therapy and acceptance of myself, I have found a way to love with it. Like anything else, there are horrible days and okay days, but this is apart of me forever and im lucky to share it all with you! Can anyone relate?? Feel free to comment or reach out! - Matt

Anyone who struggles with real event, rumination, and guilt. Please please please tell me your tips and tricks and maybe some words of encouragement.❤️

Been doing ERP for a while now, and overall my OCD is leaps and bounds better than it used to be. I'm not in a crippling panic state anymore thank God. However, at this point I am just trying to figure out how other people with OCD manage their rumination and mentally replaying things in their head? A lot of times I don't even realize that I'm doing it, I will just be doing an activity such as yardwork and while I'm doing it, I will be mildly ruminating about a topic and just find it hard to avoid doing so. My therapist suggested setting a timer every so often to see where my mind is currently at and trying to redirect to something more appropriate (or do ERP exercises). Sometimes it just feels so noisy even though I'm not directly paying attention to it and it ends up being very distracting and affects my productivity. Overall, it's much better, honestly thought it was gone entirely, but OCD is attempting to relapse a little bit I've noticed. Thank you for your experiences and I hope you all have a safe Labor Day weekend!