Username: recoverMe

Date posted: 6w ago

Can anyone relate

I feel so alone am I the only one who suffered with intrusive thoughts images and fear of becoming terrorist. This is by far one of the most difficult themes I’ve had to face to date because of the severity and feeling of immediacy. I’m constantly in state of anxiety. I avoid spaces with lots of people, toilets, I won’t go near places that are associated with subject such as hospitals, train stations, airports, college and other public spaces. I can’t deal with the thoughts and I’ve got a holiday coming up where I will have to be on plane for 13 hours I don’t know how I’m going to cope. I just want it to stop I was on the verge of crying in the car while driving back from hospital trying to understand why this theme even came to existence it so painful thinking these thoughts that you going to cause mass harm to innocent people. It makes me just want stay-inside and never leave the house. The thought that is making it worse it what if I have psychotic break convince myself I’ve actually done something, the plane get grounded I’m chucked into custody in a country I don’t know. I thinking I’m catasphrophising but can’t stop living this fear inside my head. I just don’t want to go but that would meaning losing £2,000. How can I prepare for this 😭😭

Username: JV24JV24

Date posted: 6w ago

Hang in there. I’ve had similar thoughts. Just know you are not alone in the fight. The fact that you care so much about life and harming people is why your OCD is attacking that subject. It’s not you. I sometimes say yeah it might be in my head but it’s not in my heart. Get into a good show on the flight. Watch a couple seasons of The Office. lol You can do it, Stay strong!

Username: recoverMerecoverMe

Date posted: 6w ago

@JV24 I like that it might be in my head but not in my heart rings so true.

Username: elliss2elliss2

Date posted: 6w ago

I would suggest talking to people about miscellaneous things. Like when I’m in panic state or psychosis fear it helps me to go outside (favorite example: to the bus stop) and talk to someone, maybe an old person, ask them for the time and then talk something more to start a conversation. This shows me how normal people are and how normal they perceive me. If this is a compulsion then -sorry, not sorry- we are not meant to live alone and isolated and I do need the comfort of human beings.

Username: Zoë_84Zoë_84

Date posted: 6w ago

I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't want to reassure you, but terrorist don't just snap and commit mass murder. They plan and they prepare, which takes much, much more than unintential und unwanted intrusive thoughts. Also, they don't worry of maybe becoming a terrorist, they actively and willingly decide to become terrorists. Going by you fearing you might become a terrorist and you writing "£", I guess you are a Muslim living in the UK. There are, of course, terrorists, from all walks of life, religious and ethnic backgrounds, but since 9/11, the attacks in Paris and Nice, Islamic terror attacks are on the fore front of people's minds in the Western world, when we think of terror attacks. That being said, you sharing the same religion with some terrorists - just assuming, of course - doesn't make it more likely for you to become one. The same as me being German, doesn't make it more likely for me to become a neo-nazi. Also, OCD is egodystonic and it jumps either on the things we love most, or the things we fear most. Before, you said that you need a break and that this would be a vacation of a life time. Don't let OCD take that away from you.

Username: recoverMerecoverMe

Date posted: 6w ago

@Zoë_84 You assume incorrect; my ethic background is white British. I do get why you have mentioned that though; as I did my college project for psychology on criminogenic behaviour and associations to Islam regarding the media recently. I wonder if that has anything to do with the onset of this theme.

Username: elliss2elliss2

Date posted: 6w ago

@recoverMe I genuinely believe that such an event is what imprints, so that our brain takes it as a model example. And then ocd tries to imitate it.

Username: recoverMerecoverMe

Date posted: 6w ago

@elliss2 How do you mean?

Username: recoverMerecoverMe

Date posted: 6w ago

@elliss2 Can you explain further this is a really intresting perspective

Username: elliss2elliss2

Date posted: 6w ago

@recoverMe I mean that sometimes -for me at least- ocd attacks themes it has first seen in movies. When I have seen something in a movie (newspaper, in a novel…) I have never experienced before (for me, to this also count fighting with a romantic partner, dramatically quitting a job etc.) those scenes can seem very cringe. And OCD takes them as a template. It wants to convince me that I intend to do things *exactly* like I have seen them in a movie. This is very cringe, at least.

Username: elliss2elliss2

Date posted: 6w ago

@recoverMe Some people on here have autism, in which you actually need models, especially for social situations. I think for those people it’s even the case that ocd takes -also the bad situations seen in movies- and does what I wrote above. But I’m just assuming. My therapist also assumed autism in me.

Username: recoverMerecoverMe

Date posted: 6w ago

@elliss2 You have the same perspective as I do. I always thought if I wasn’t aware of these particular things and hadn’t consumed certain content would I be like this. I have seen so many action-films played so many games, watched/read the news and my mind will apply to my life somehow or I fear I’ll become like it.

Username: recoverMerecoverMe

Date posted: 6w ago

@elliss2 I’m so appreciative that you responded. I’m on the Autistic Spectrum as well. My therapist at the moment is actually saying that my Autism exacerbates the OCD further and what you say is exactly what I experience.

Username: recoverMerecoverMe

Date posted: 6w ago

@recoverMe I have masked for so long trying to fit in with the neurotypical-world that I even forgot, well not forgot just never integrated my ASD or accepted it so I’m not entirely sure how it effects me I’ m currently having to learn all of that now as an young adult when I should have learn it as a kid :(

Username: elliss2elliss2

Date posted: 6w ago

But beyond that, I’ve never heard of this fear of yours and consider it very difficult.

Username: recoverMerecoverMe

Date posted: 6w ago

@elliss2 When it against everything you are and eats at the core of you it’s devastating. This is why no ones theme is worser than another because it is how it affects the person. It is one of the worst themes I’ve experienced to date. I believe it would be classified as sub-theme of Harm-OCD but it is new to me I yet to see someone else post about it.

Username: Livi_luwho426

Date posted: 25w ago

I’m so scared of everything .

So many thoughts are coming into my head right now I don’t know how to think. I don’t even know how I am going to put this into words on here I just don’t know what to do . I am so scared of throwing up it’s so hard to explain . Everybody tells me “well no likes getting sick” but they don’t get it. It’s not just that, I am scared about getting any major illness and my mind keeps making me think that everything will give me food poisoning or a stomach bug if I am not careful or if I don’t check my temperature ten times in a row . I have to wash every produce throughly if I don’t I will do it again. And it sucks . Every time my stomach hurts I think that I will get sick. I barely eat and sleep because I am so scared . I am scared to sleep because I genuinely think that “anything can happen while I am asleep” so even if I take sleep medication my mind makes me stay awake out of fear. I just want to feel normal . I can never eat out without doing research of the place I am eating at and even after that it doesn’t help. I always feel worried that I will get sick on an important date just because that day is important like Halloween or an upcoming concert or hanging out with friends , so now I just mainly stay at home … but it hurts me because i want to live ( it's ironic because Liv is my name) so badly . my dream is to someday go on a Europe trip but i can hardly leave my state without thinking that something bad will happen to me . its getting unbearable at times . I wonder what it would feel like to not be completely burdened by anxiety and horribly disgusting thoughts every second of my life. And if you're wondering why I haven't had any medication prescribed to me is because I am also scared about taking any medication . I just feel helpless and it's my own fault . And I know I am holding myself back at times but I just don't know how to stop being scared and how to stop worrying about every aspect of my life . It's going to drive me insane .

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 19w ago

Intrusive thoughts

Hello everyone. My name is Cathy and I have severe intrusive thoughts that seem to come out of no where. However only one thought at a time. I fixate on that scary thought for days and days and my anxiety builds up and up. I try to then attack the suggested catastrophic thought such I may have this disease or going to die from that disease or rot in hell etc. scary thoughts always. I try and do a ton of research on line to counter attack the thought trying to prove it wrong and this helps me but if I can’t find something that proves I won’t get the disease or have it already or prove other things too depending on what the thought is, it doesn’t help at all and can make it worse. Is anyone out there experiencing what I have. I don’t have ocd cleaning or washing or checking but have intrusive scary thoughts.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 18w ago

(PLEASE READ) feeling helpless

*PLEASE READ* I’ve been struggling with bad harm intrusive thoughts for a couple years now. They’ll go away for a couple of months then get triggered by something and start all over again. As much as I try to tell myself that I would never act on these thoughts I have a memory from when I was little that I was going to hurt my parents in their sleep and that memory has haunted me till now. Of course I didn’t hurt them but I thought it and I feel so guilty about it today that it makes me sick to my stomach. I love my parents so much and would never want to hurt them or anybody. I just want these thoughts to go away because they don’t line up with my values of who I am. But every time I tell myself that my thoughts are not facts that memory pops up making me feel like an awful person. I feel right now as if I don’t deserve any love from anyone because of these thoughts. I’m a believer of God and I feel as if I don’t deserve his love as well and that he has given up on me. These thoughts have also turned into a new theme of being scared I’m actually crazy and going into a psychosis. I’m just so scared and just want to be normal. As much as I tell myself ocd lies to you these thoughts have really scared me and I haven’t felt like myself in days. I’ve also struggled with health anxiety and intrusive suicidal thoughts. I know seeking reassurance isn’t good but I’m so scared.

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