Why?

They’re getting more intense.. My mind wonders if what i’m feeling is really OCD.. what if it’s not and i’m in denial? Why is my life like this, a constant loop of fears and stress holding me back. I just want to live. To be the kind boy everyone knows. To make and be a difference. There’s sometimes I wish I could stay asleep.. to rest for a while. To hibernate all these feelings away. But I know that’s not how it works. Each tear I shed is a reminder of the hell I live every day when I open my eyes. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t know why I am anymore. Please someone.. advice, words of positivity, something.. I feel so alone. I’m scared. I don’t know where else to go.

Username: Nelly882Nelly882

Date posted: 14w ago

Hey I don’t know if this helps or anything but I am new to the idea of having ocd and the thought of me being ‘delusional and I’m just tricking my brain into thinking I have ocd and I’m just in denial’ crosses my mind a lot. It helped me to see you say you feel that too because then I can put more faith into that being one of the ocd symptoms - wishing you the best through this horrible journey we are all struggling with

Username: Ester-Ester-

Date posted: 14w ago

It sucks you’re feeling this way. Is there anyone around you who you can talk to about this stuff? I think a lot of people with OCD can find themselves in your story. I know I can. I don’t exactly know what to say but I just want you to know that you’re not alone and thing will get better. (:

Username: Nelly882Nelly882

Date posted: 14w ago

@Ester- Thank you and same to you, and I try talking to people around me but I fear I’m becoming a bit of a bother as I go on about it a lot and I don’t think many people know what to say

Username: DamionDamion

Date posted: 11w ago

I'm beginning to see that what I held as my beliefs were OCD negativity. And that OCD isn't "me", it runs in parallel with my "real" personality (i.e. who *I* choose to be). If all these intrusive thoughts are valid then why do we despair at them…?

Username: MushroomStew

Date posted: 20w ago

Tired

Is there any point in trying anymore? There is no way to get the help I need, and even if I could, what if I learn it was never ocd in the first place? What do i do then? Everything feels so hopeless, all i want is to go bavk in time to before these thoughts started. This app is all I have to talk about how I feel. I always had OCD symptoms of varying themes as well as a terrible anxiety disorder that only worsened, but I could've never imagined I would feel like this. If a Hell exists, im certain I'm going there

Username: landonw

Date posted: 14w ago

What’s Going On?

Is this my life now? A loop of fears and panic? Freshman year.. two years ago is when all this started. When I began my journey with this debilitating and scary disorder. For a while I felt like everything was okay. Like things were getting better. But tonight it’s getting so bad. I’m shaking, the thoughts are literally making my body enter fight or flight. The feelings.. the thoughts it all feels so real. It makes me question every aspect of who I am.. Is this forever? Will this be my life? If it is, that sounds like pain.. I constantly check myself.. which ain’t realize might be a compulsion. But I wonder, am I lying to myself? But then again I wouldn’t fear it so much if what I felt was true. I try to stay calm, to not fight the thought but let it pass. But it only grows in power. It’s been giving me these fake feelings. Things in which i’d never felt before. I just want to be okay. And I wonder if that’s even possible anymore. All I know is that I have my family, my Mom, everyone who loves me dearly. Please anyone… I don’t want to beg but if you could give me some motivation or positive words i’d love that.

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