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You definitely have a lot to vent about. I have had harm OCD before much was know about OCD. I guess deep down inside I knew that I would not act on any of these thoughts but the fact that they kept coming up and the anxiety and guilt I had totally sucked. The “what if” thoughts are definitely OCD trying to keep you in the loop of trying to figure out if there is any validity to the thoughts. There is not. Avoiding things that triggers the thoughts makes your brain think these thoughts are important, they are not. Please get as much information on harm OCD to educate yourself on how to avoid making the symptoms worse. These thoughts bother you because you don’t like them and really who would. Most people who get an intrusive thought can just blow it off as untrue garbage and go about their day. Taking these thoughts and the anxiety they bring as important makes them stick. A good thing to do is to learn some techniques to relax and be focused in the present instead of always in your mind. You are not alone and you can see past the OCD tricks with practice.

Carol, everything you're experiencing us textbook harm OCD. You are not alone. The good news is it's treatable. You didn't mention if you ate in therapy, but if you're not, please consider into getting into therapy with a trained OCD therapist who uses ERP therapy. You CAN recover. NOCD has a lot of good OCD therapists affiliated with them. Why not check it out.

You are not alone, I genuinely feel like I could have written this! I think the best thing you can do in low points like this is remember that you’ve had all these thoughts before and survived. And to carry on living life as if you don’t have OCD. Easier said than done I know! But getting the little things in order (good routine, spending time with friends and family, exercise etc) really does help. Sending you all the positive vibes! ❤️

Nathan Peterson has some good Harm OCD videos. The one below is called “What if I Snap?” https://youtu.be/3aOjh_CPydc?si=jCtgiz3XCNFVufGP I’ll post another one also

https://youtu.be/UHCtK_KWiSE?si=DtvvcAZTZb5GTCaY