Health Anxiety w/ Pathological Fear of Needles

Hey guys, this is my first post here. I am a 24 year old male. I had a traumatic experience in a doctor’s office when I was 4 years old. I apologize for the nature of this, but I had developed a strep infection in my anus. It became bad enough that to get a test sample, the doctor had to stick a cotton swab that was several inches long and attached to a screwdriver handle up there. Even at 4 years old, I remember being so humiliated and thinking about how I inconvenienced my family by being sick like that. Years later, even what I imagine are normal bodily sensations could drive me to believe there is an infection inside of me. My senior year of high school, I had a civics teacher who showed the class a film starring Tom Hanks known as ‘Philadelphia’. In this film, Tom’s character is diagnosed with HIV. As his coworkers suspect his illness, he is blindsided by his employer to discover that he has been terminated from his position. As he is ridiculed for his condition throughout this film, his physical state and symptoms progressively get worse. Seeing his sickness play out, I would also become queasy at any scene where a patient receives an IV needle or is hooked to a machine. As well as HIV/AIDS or even cancer, I am seriously concerned for the condition of my thyroid gland. My father was diagnosed with Graves’ disease about 2 years ago. His condition was never discovered until his heart went into atrial fibrillation one morning. Seeing my dad as scared he was, hooked up to all of those machine, it was horrifying. As scared as I felt for my dad, it became worse when they said that Graves’ disease and thyroid issues can be genetic. Since this took place, I have consistently worried in the back of my mind for my health. I am so afraid to go to the doctor and get stuck with a needle. I am trying to get into therapy at my clinic, but the staff has displayed zero urgency in getting me an appointment and it always turns into a game of phone tag. I never receive a call the day they say they’ll call. When I call myself, they tell me they’ll know by tomorrow. I just need help in overcoming this constant fear that has plagued me for years now. I am so tired of being in my head. I want to be happy, to be healthy, and to be a providing spouse. I want to be the best version of me that I can for my wife. This is my first post here, I am so sorry for its longevity. I just need an outlet and people who understand what it’s like to live this way. Thank you all.

MALPS

Date posted: 1y

It’s ok. There is no need to apologize. We all go through things differently. Some more or less than others. But it doesn’t mean that It doesn’t hurt. Have you tried exposure therapy? I have tried it a couple of times for my emenophobia. It does make me feel weird, but I think that’s is supposed to help. I may just be 20 years old, but I want to be as supportive as I can.

Malisimo

Date posted: 1y

I had this same fear of needles for years. Some things you can do is start exposure therapy. I got some Ativan prescribed, just .5 mg and took that and got the Covid shot. It felt like literally nothing a total 0 on the pain chart. I then got blood drawn and that was another zero. I got my second Covid shot without taking Ativan. I have so many needles at this point I don’t care anymore but trust me I was terrified! The thought of a shot would put me into a cold sweat. Benzodiazepines are good short term for stuff like this I my opinion. I also have a parent that got very ill when I was young so I can relate, it gave me health anxiety since I was a teen.

nac2000

Date posted: 1y

@Malisimo Hi! I have never heard of or tried Ativan, but that is definitely something I will ask my psychiatrist about. I also get cold sweats from my needle anxiety! I haven’t done a lot of research on exposure therapy, but the name alone leads me to believe it can help. It’s definitely something I want to ask my doctor about when I have my next appointment in October.

Malisimo

Date posted: 1y

@nac2000 I wanted to ask you something. What do you think about the needle when you think of it poking you? Do you envision it as like a big sewing needle or even equate it to like a knife stabbing you? Is it like this is going to harm me or be very painful? This was how I saw it. It is a very irrational belief. These needles are so thin, usually 18-20 gauge. They are designed to just basically slide in causing almost zero pain. Most of the time I have felt honestly nothing and if there was a poke it was a 1/10 on the pain scale. You could start with an acupuncture needle, it’s about as thick as a human hair. You basically need to realize you can and will cope in the situation and you are totally safe getting a shot.

Katinkatja

Date posted: 12w

contamination OCD/health (HIV)

A few days ago, I posted how proud I am of myself, that I managed to go to the doctor to get a vaccination. Now, two days later, I find myself panicking and ruminating. It was a practice where they also test a lot for HIV and other blood diseases and in my mind, the needle/syringe they used for my vaccination was somehow contaminated with blood from another patient. Maybe by accident but sometimes my mind would make up a scenario where they would do it even on purpose. I was so proud of myself, that I managed to go there on Monday and now I am making up scenarios how I caught HIV by going there - I am feeling guilty because I was „careless“. Any tips for the moment? ❤️

rightfulmcool

Date posted: 11w

Health Anxiety started ruining my life.

I will preface by saying I am not diagnosed OCD, as I can't afford to see therapists or psychiatrists at this time. But given the things I've gone through, I'm pretty much convinced it's what I'm dealing with. I never really saw it coming. As a kid I always had health issues. Sick all the time, spent a lot of my very young years in and out of hospitals. In recent years as I've become an adult, health anxiety started creeping in. I spent my teenage years depressed, anxious and suicidal, both passively and actively. I engaged in self destructive behaviors in an attempt to end my life quicker. I left a toxic home environment and began my journey to improve my life, as I have a significant other that I want to stay on this planet for. I began lifting weights and exercising, eating better, and attempting to improve myself day by day. I didn't even realize it happening, but over time I started caring more and more about my health. Avoiding certain foods, making my diet stricter, and ensuring I did the right things. While it was good for my body in the short term, long term it seems it really affected my mental. As I started to feel better, I noticed that the times where I wasn't feeling 100% were very stressful. I'd start to worry about developing diseases. Diabetes, appendicitis, cancer, any number of rare and deadly diseases i could discover on Google. It got worse and worse as time went on. I'd spend money on things to test my body. glucose monitor, thermometer, supplements to ensure I was healthy. mental compulsions began (which i didn't know where compulsions at the time). Well, it all culminated at its peak in the last few months. Every minor bodily symptom, no matter how normal or common or frequent, became a life threatening warning. Constant googling, ruminating, checking and reassurance seeking, which at the time I didn't know was what I was doing. Then, at the end of May, I did get sick. And suddenly all of my obsessions and compulsions solidified themselves as real and premonitions that were true. I started spiraling. Avoiding social events, or anything that was outside of my room. Barely managing to go to work some days. Bringing my compulsions to work as well, sneaking them in when I could. Every day was anxiety riddled. I became exhausted. Sleeping for 10 hours, waking up still tired, coming home having no energy to do anything. It convinced me even more that I was getting sick again. I was getting suicidal again and contemplating it very often. I then noticed my Instagram feed getting filled more and more with OCD related posts and ads, I guess i was unconsciously finding and engaging with them. They described exactly what I was going through, and still am going through. I'm on day 4 of my recovery after learning some ways to help myself. I'm catching my thought patterns, learning to allow the uncertainty, and avoiding my avoidant tendencies. I removed the batteries from my compulsions and put them out of sight. I still am learning my mental compulsions and how to deal with them. I'm engaging with the things I would avoid now despite how I feel. I'm still riddled with anxiety and the OCD thoughts are very loud and frequent. But I'm feeling more in control and like I can handle the thoughts better. I'd love any advice people can give as well. I want my life back.

Chessmixxd

Date posted: 11w

Cause For Concern

I'm going to try and be coherent because I know that sometimes during these moments I tend to babble in fear. I have a mole on the left side of my chest that I've had since I was a kid. Been there for as long as I remember. And I never paid attention to it; it was just a part of my body. I even felt a little sad considering that I might not have it anymore whenever I get top surgery. Yesterday I went down a rabbit hole and landed on Melanoma. Which, of course, prompted me to look at my mole again. And again. And again. It's large, bigger than my other moles. Always has been, at least to my knowledge. I always thought it was cute whenever it crossed my mind. Now...now I'm just scared... I'm not asking for reassurance. None of us on here are medical experts (unless youre an actual doctor) (also insert OCD joke here). I sent a picture to my doctor, and she said that if it hasnt changed size that's a good sign. But she also suggested a follow-up with a dermatologist. And that's what scares me the most. All of this started yesterday, but I sent the message to my doctor this morning. And ever since then...I havent been okay. I can barely eat, and every time I try to I can barely swallow. I've isolated myself in the guest bedroom of my parents house. I cant move. I cant think straight. And...let's just say my thoughts havent been good. Like I said, I'm not asking for reassurance or medical advice. I just...I need help to not feel like I'm dying. I didnt mention that yesterday, in the midst of going down the rabbit hole, I realized how badly I didnt want to be afraid, and yet I also felt like I needed to be afraid. And I realized that that's what ERP is (at least for me in case it's different for everyone). I really did naivietely think that it was just going to be about avoiding compulsions. I didnt realize that accepting uncertainty would feel like a death sentence. And now this has happened. I just...I'm scared. And I dont want to be. I dont want to live in this reality where I'm sick and dying. I dont want to have to tell my family. I dont want to live in that world, but it feels like I'm already in it. My body is just preparing me for it. I dont know. I dont know why I'm even making this post. No one can help me, can they?

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Health Anxiety w/ Pathological Fear of Needles

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