denial

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way—it's incredibly tough when intrusive thoughts start to feel like they make sense, even when deep down you don't want to believe them. This is a common experience with OCD, where the thoughts can become so convincing that you start to doubt yourself and feel like you're in denial. Intrusive thoughts are called "intrusive" because they invade your mind uninvited and go against what you truly believe or value. The fact that you're distressed by these thoughts shows that they don't align with your true self. OCD has a way of making these thoughts feel more real and logical than they actually are, but that doesn't mean they're true. It's completely normal to feel scared when you're going through this. These thoughts can be really distressing, and it's okay to acknowledge that you're scared. What you're feeling is valid, and you're not alone in this experience. OCD often demands that you figure out whether these thoughts make sense or not, but trying to do that only strengthens the OCD. It's okay to let the thoughts be there without trying to make sense of them. You don't have to engage with them or figure them out. If you're not seeing a OCD therapist, might I encourage you to join the NOCD family. Here, every therapist is trained in treating OCD while using ERP. Take care.

It sounds backwards but honestly the way to make yourself better from what ive learnt Is to accept the possibility that they could make sense. How do you test or know 100% that the thoughts dont make sense? Its impossible. I still find it very hard to accept uncertainty sometimes, and I think it takes each person time to figure out how they can do that. For me I went on holiday and started worrying and instead of just getting worried, I got annoyed. My last holiday also triggered my OCD and it completely ruined it. So this time I just wanted the thought to f off so I could enjoy my holiday which is what helped me initially stop caring so much. It was sort of an "I DONT CARE ANYMORE" moment. I've been trying to hold onto it since and continue not caring. I feel miles better because of it. For a period of time I actually felt 100% normal which hasnt happened in years. In the past I felt exactly like you. Just feel anxious for a bit, dont seek any kind of reassurance, try to accept the possibility that they do make sense. No matter how awful it is you can still unconditionally accept yourself because of that.