Intense ROCD

All my life my boyfriends have told me I was too much and too emotional. I feel everything so deeply. Have to express everything I feel and I feel A LOT. It exhausts them. I am currently in a relationship with an amazing guy and I can only see the bad. I hate when he's having his alone time playing video games or on his phone because it leaves me feeling a void and feels like a threat. I know it's irrational but I can't help the fear and resentment I get when he does his own thing and makes me feel alone. Why would he rather do those things then be in the present moment with me ? These thoughts are constant and I cannot be happy no matter how hard I try distracting myself. Does anyone have advice

User type: Therapist

Date posted: 1y

It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of intense emotions, and it's clear that these feelings are deeply affecting you and your relationship. First, I want to acknowledge how hard it must be to feel this way and to navigate these emotions while trying to maintain a healthy relationship. Feeling deeply is part of who you are, and while it can sometimes feel overwhelming, it's also a part of what makes you uniquely you. However, when these emotions start to interfere with your happiness or your relationship, it's important to explore them more closely. Here are a few things that might help: The feelings of fear and resentment you're experiencing when your partner is doing his own thing might be rooted in a fear of abandonment or a sense of insecurity. It's common to feel threatened when someone you care about is focusing on something other than you, but it's important to remember that needing time alone or to engage in hobbies doesn't mean they care about you any less. It's important to find a balance between your need for connection and his need for personal time. One approach could be setting aside specific times where you both fully engage with each other, and then allowing for time where you both do your own things. This can help build trust and reduce the anxiety you feel when he's focusing on his own activities. When you feel that void or that your emotions are overwhelming you, it might help to have some self-soothing techniques at hand. This could be anything from deep breathing, journaling your thoughts, or engaging in a hobby that brings you joy. These techniques can help you manage your emotions without feeling like you need constant reassurance. Try to challenge the thoughts that tell you he's choosing his hobbies over you. Often, these thoughts are rooted in anxiety rather than reality. Remind yourself that him enjoying his alone time doesn't diminish his care or love for you. You might be able to benefit from therapy to help with your intrusive thoughts surrounding the relationship. If you don't have one already, I encourage you to join the NOCD family. Here, every therapist is trained in treating OCD and anxiety. Remember, it's okay to feel deeply, but it's also important to find ways to manage these feelings so they don't overwhelm you or your relationship. You're not alone in this, and with the right tools and support, you can work through these challenges.

Man. I’m sad.

Date posted: 1y

This is exactly how I was but that ended badly

Mariabae

Date posted: 21w

rocd

I just saw my boyfriend, and even though everything was okay on the outside, inside my mind it was a storm. I kept having thoughts like: “You don’t like him.” “You’re not feeling anything.” “You’re pretending.” “You don’t care.” And then, he said something sweet — something that should’ve made me feel happy: “We should marry.” And instead of warmth, I felt anxiety. A pit in my stomach. A voice in my head saying: “You don’t want that.” “You’ll never stay with him.” “If you really loved him, you’d feel joy.” And I hate it. I hate that I’m in this state. I don’t feel connected. I don’t feel clarity. I don’t even know what I feel anymore. I just feel… numb. And the worst part? It feels like I don’t even care. But I know I do. Somewhere, beneath all the noise and panic and obsessive thoughts, I care. I want to feel close to him. I want to stop second-guessing every word, every touch, every thought. This is ROCD. It makes me question everything. It makes me feel like I’m lying — even when I’m not. It steals the moments that should feel warm and turns them into confusion. If anyone else feels this awful mix of numbness, fear, and guilt — please tell me I’m not alone.

lulu2

Date posted: 15w

Relationship OCD - PLEASE HELP

Hey guys, I’m reaching out in a pretty weak spot of desperation. I feel so insane and so sick of my mind recently, I’m completely drained from my mind. I’ve had such bad spikes of RCOD in my relationship of 1.5 years , which kills me because I truly want nothing more than to just be his peace and for us to work out. I love him more than anything and I would do anything for him. I feel like the pressure I placed on making sure I was “perfect” was so counter productive becuase instead I find myself doing everything wrong. I tell myself not to think of the wrong thing, then I think of the wrong thing, then I feel so guilty, and it plagues my mind for days. I feel so guilty it makes me feel detached and like I’m a bad girlfriend. I feel so bad for always burdening him with my anxieties and my “wrong thoughts” becuase he doesn’t deserve it, he’s so amazing. Recently, I began overthinking if I “love him” which I KNOW is so silly because when I’m calm, I laugh that I even got so worried , but when my anxiety creeps in, it feels so debilitating. I spiral and then try to prove to myself that I do love him , which then makes things in that moment feel “forced” because I’m acting out of intent to win the battle in my head. My RCOD has been a persistent issue, but this particular theme is pretty new and I hate it. I feel like I’ve been placing pressure on myself to overly appreciate him and it’s so counterproductive. I feel so bad because I told him about everything and he now thinks I don’t love him. Which is so wrong. I just want this to be fixed. Sometimes I feel like he’d be better off with a girl that isn’t such a headache and wouldn’t drain him all of the time but at the same time , I could never accept him being with anyone but me. Also, I have seen a psychoglist but it just didn’t feel right and I hated vocalising my thoughts because I felt it gave them more power - it feels like the only person I can truly be raw with about this stuff is my bestfriend. If anyone has any tips , PLEASE help me.

Relationship OCD

ellij

Date posted: 13w

ROCD flare up

Lately my ROCD has been flaring up, making it difficult to even be around my partner. I’m having so many troubling thoughts with the one that bugs me most being, “maybe this isn’t my OCD, maybe I’m just in a bad relationship and I’m trying to cover it up and blame it on OCD”. This thought really scares me because there are valid doubts in my relationship but my boyfriend and I have openly talked about them and are trying to work through. My OCD won’t take that as an option tho. It makes me feel like I need to be 100% certain that these things can NEVER happen again or else we need to break up immediately. So anything he says in that moment about trying to do better, my OCD will not trust anything he says and just wait until the next “bad thing” happens. When I continuously bring these things up to my boyfriend even tho nothing has happened between these conversations, it exhausts him making it feel like he can never do enough. I feel so bad because I know it’s just my OCD getting in the way. But then that thought creeps in saying I can’t trust him because I need to protect myself. It’s just an ongoing cycle that is so tiring. I don’t even know what I want anymore. We are very opposite when it comes to emotions. I am very in tune and very emotionally intelligent, and he is not. He is the opposite. I do recognize that my anxious attachment style may be hard for him too but I can’t stop thinking about all of his flaws and all of the things he needs to do to make our relationship better. It makes me feel like I’m the only one putting in effort when in reality that is not true. But my OCD does make me feel like he doesn’t really love me or want to be with me and that he feels forced to be with me or do things for me. It makes me feel like him being with me is like a chore. Can anyone relate? My OCD just makes me feel like I can’t trust anything he says to make our relationship better.

Relationship OCD

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Intense ROCD

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