Caregiver - Spouse is having an acute OCD episode

Hello, my wife has OCD and is having swirling / respective thoughts about our dog (whom we’ve had for 8 months). The dog is a runner and has run away a couple of times. We have installed an invisible fence that now has the dog very timid to use our back yard. My wife feels suffocated that we have to walk our dog for exercise and bathroom activities. She obsesses over the invisible fence, situations of finding someone to care for the dog when we go away, fear of him running away, and the activity of having to walk him every day. We have handled all of these situations pretty seamlessly but she continues to obsess and seek reassurance. She has threatened to get rid of the dog (who is truly a love). Her panic and mental breakdowns, irrational scenario thoughts, continued “but” statements to solutions, and continued need to talk is hurting the family. This is not the first situation - there have been many obsessions since moving into this new house, including the house, the move, a paved driveway, hardwood floors, and more. There is always an irrational obsession - it’s really adversely affecting the family. Any thoughts / support would be much appreciated.

Username: freiafreia

Date posted: 21w ago

Tell your spouse, there is nothing that needs do be done RIGHT NOW. She has no immediate need to do or change anything. These thoughts and fears feel like she needs to solve a problem, to get rid of her fears, right now. But she doesn't. She has to sit with it. And should not get immense reassurence. Remind her about her ocd and what she might have learned in therapy. A situation with moving into a house and getting a dog can be a huge trigger for OCD, because it is a new situation that she might not be able to control or that is a new experience for her and stressful. Maybe for you: try to sit through her spirals. Be there for her but don't discuss the fears or thoughts with her. Encourage her to practice thing she learned in therapy or to go to therapy.

Username: moezmoez

Date posted: 21w ago

@freia Yes!!

Username: acour18acour18

Date posted: 21w ago

@freia Thank you Freia! I have been trying to be there to help her with the spirals and the OCD while trying not to engage the actual obsession and reassurance compulsion. In other words, setting boundaries. You are 100% right though…she is in the fix right now mode. And it’s difficult to get her out of that zone because by nature she is a do’er and not a procrastinator. Appreciate you and the sage advice.

Username: moezmoez

Date posted: 21w ago

I notice the word “ irrational” coming up a few times in this. I just want to say that, to you it may seem irrational but to her those fears are very, very, real. We don’t choose to obsess over things, we are forced. I am sorry that it has brought along issues with your family dynamic. Has she tried any type of therapy to treat her OCD? OCD can start small and eventually come in to take over every single thought you have, often times I’ve heard “ there is not a second from when I wake up to when I go to sleep that I am not effected by OCD.” I know it’s not at all justified to get rid of the dog, but from someone with OCD I can understand her point of it causing so much stress and obsession it just feels easier to rid yourself of the situation completely, and that is something I have done myself many times in different ways. I urge you to have compassion, maybe look into some OCD simulation videos, with headphones to see how loud our minds get when obsessing! I hope you guys can figure out a healthy way to resolve these obsessions!

Username: acour18acour18

Date posted: 21w ago

@moez Many thanks Moez. Yes she is working with a NOCD therapist, and I’m also trying to better understand her and the disease. Appreciate you taking the time to comment and coaching me to look at this differently

Username: Morganjane

Date posted: 25w ago

OCD and pet ownership

I had OCD as a child and then my symptoms became less noticeable and easier to manage as I got older. Now I am in my 30’s with my first dog and am constantly terrified he is sick or dying. Any abnormal behavior triggers it- a cough, not eating as much as usual, excessive sleeping. I monitor how many times he goes to the bathroom. It’s exhausting. I know logically that he’s okay, but I just can’t seem to shake the anxiety and OCD pattern of calling his vet, asking my husband if the dog is okay, or taking him to the urgent care. Anyone have any advice? This is my first post here. Thank you in advance.

Username: Anonymous

Date posted: 23w ago

Anyone else drowning lately ?

I’ve been dealing with a terribly overwhelming bout of OCD for a few months now, possibly the worst I’ve ever had in my 12 years of having it; which is what led me here. I’ve always had doubts in my long term relationship, but none that have been quite this vicious, making me question my sense of safety with this sweet man who has ALWAYS made me feel safe and comfortable. It picks on every aspect of our relationship, and any moment it can to make me question if he’s actually secretly a bad person. This thing has a chokehold on me and it is so scary and debilitating, especially with it targeting something I care so deeply about. And now weeks into therapy, I almost feel that unpacking it is making me feel worse and my OCD is finding all sorts of new things to pick on. Any comforting words would be appreciated… I’m trying really hard to work through this.

Username: Ellasmama

Date posted: 22w ago

Harm ocd - Someone pls reply!!!

Hi all. Kinda freaking out here. It’s the girl with the dog here again. It’s 5:30 in the morning here and I am legit in a freak out. This is going to be long so please bear with me. My intrusive thoughts about my dog have gotten so bad even with ERP, I can barely function. I am constantly seeing in my mind her being chopped into pieces. Over and over again. And it’s like I suddenly become aware of different body parts that I’m seeing in this images, so if I am around her, I become aware that she has them, and it makes me feel like I’m so freaked out I’ll do something to her because I’m freaked out by them. It’s usually her neck, or her internal parts, etc. I get near her, get reminded, and all these images start coming and it feels like I’m being pulled/will do these things. All day every day. Not to mention the fact, that I consciously think of the thoughts and sometimes still feel like I’d do them. It feels like I’m actually considering doing these horrific things. And I have different feelings that go with them - physical sensations, urges, etc. It puts her in every horrible violent situation and makes me feel like I’d actually do these things to her (i.e - see her being pulled apart - I get a weird feeling in my chest with these thoughts that feels like I’d actually kind of black out and do them or be okay with it; almost like a sense of dropping calm thought my body?!). I ate meat today and it made me think of someone doing that to her - and made me feel like I would - and would be okay with it. Sometimes I get these waves of this feeling that it would be no big deal or I wouldn’t care. Frankly, I’m freaking out. I feel like I will actually end up acting on these thoughts. The longer this goes on the more I feel like that. I also feel like I don’t care about her anymore and that scares the living shit out of me because then I feel like I don’t value her and that it wouldn’t bother me to act on them. I have loved this dog for 8 freaking years. What the hell is wrong with me?!!! I feel like my thoughts about her are SO much more violent and the rest of it is just so off - I then start scouring the internet for stories of people with harm ocd, and instead found a story of a guy who went into psychosis and killed his pet. Which of course makes me feel like with everything I’m seeing and already feeling…let’s just say it didn’t help. Am I a lost cause??! Is my dog unsafe with me? I feel like she is. I don’t sleep anymore because of these thoughts so I’m literally up all night watching tv because I’m so scared and convinced that I will do these things. I don’t understand what happened.

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Caregiver - Spouse is having an acute OCD episode

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