Rocd

What stood out to me is, “I am depressed.” In my experience, that casts a shadow on everything. You’ve asked so many good questions—why you don’t feel free, if you’re staying out of fear—and I’m assuming you don’t know the answers. Why don’t you know the answers? Is it depression clouding everything? Is it OCD running rampant and giving you no peace? How can you get to a place of knowing? OCD is so tricky. I once heard it described as problem-solving gone awry and that really resonates with me. My brain latches onto a problem and keeps me up at night thinking and thinking and thinking, playing dozens of scenarios, making me miserable. I didn’t know that my “overthinking” was OCD, that with practice, I could stop that rumination. It never occurred to me that a big part of the problem was my thinking about the problem. Are you obsessed and compulsively ruminating about your partner? That’s what your psychiatrist says. Are there underlying issues in your relationship? Maybe. What do you want from your relationship? Do you have unmet needs? Can they be met elsewhere? Figuring this all out is hard, especially when you don’t know what’s “real” and what’s OCD fears/anxiety/depression. Be kind and compassionate to yourself—give yourself the love you need.

I would try to do the things that would have loved in the past, now again. Possibly see if something can remind you that you do love him. If he really is the good man you believe he is, and you know that he loves you, then there is nothing to be afraid about. Be honest if you can’t find it. If he is a good man, he will push through it with you and help you through it. That’s if you truly don’t want to leave. It could also be just a symptom of a long lasted relationship. Sometimes the feelings do fade. It happens to A LOT of people. However, if you don’t necessarily “dislike” him, then stay. If you feel like you could find someone else, then don’t. Moral of the story is to just be honest with him.

I am not afraid he lover me. He does. I am like this for 8 months now. It doesnt get any better. He stands beside me all the time. I think I truly dont want to leave, but somehow I dont feel free, alive at home. My feelings are ging. I dont dislike him. I respect him and appreciate him power to stand beside me, with my doubts. I am honest with him with my doubts. He says even after 8 months that he has trust in us

I wanted to add one thing. I’ve done some IFS (Internal Family Systems) work and it’s helped me understand myself better. It’s kind of involved, but basically the idea is there’s a core Self (and a family of other parts of us—protective parts, manager parts, etc.) What I want to share with you is this list of C words that comprise the Self: calm confident curious clear courageous content creative consistent connected compassionate When we are centered in Self, those are the things we feel. My guess is that you are not operating from that core self—you are anxious and afraid. If there’s a way you can get to that place where you can feel calm, clear, confident—find your way to yourself—then you have a better chance of knowing what’s really going on. I hope things start to feel better soon.