carollsch

Date posted: 42w ago

harm ocd evil feeling

my harm ice started off w just the thought/urdge that i would kill anyone. don’t know why who when where it was just that random feeling that stressed me out. now i just get the random waves of evil feeling. it’s not even like a thought it’s like the obsession is that evil feeling of being cold hearted and acting on these things. is that still ocd?? or am i actually having like personality issues of being normal me then evil?

AaronB1111

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 42w ago

Hey Caroll, this is simply OCD trying to trick you. Intrusive thoughts/feelings can rise in frequency and intensity if we give them power (this means by engaging with them, resisting them, fighting them, trying to reason them away). One thing I would like you to know (this is something I learnt after 10 years of OCD struggles): - THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS OR PREDICITIONS. Every single person on this planet has thoughts or feelings they would rather not have. The only difference is for those of us with OCD, we give meaning and importance to these thoughts and feelings. When in reality, these thoughts and feelings are absolutely meaningless. OCD will try and do anything to keep you in its cycle. It’s the hardest thing facing OCD but honestly, I know you have it in you to recover from it. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing evil about you. It’s simply OCD trying to trick you. I have experienced everything that you have said in your post, and trust me, I know how scary it feels. But just say to yourself “look, I know your trying to trick me ocd. It was a nice attempt, but I am not going to let you trick me anymore”. Allow all thoughts and feelings to just be there (no matter how disturbing or violent or scary they are). At the end of the day, they are NOT facts or truths. By allowing the thoughts and feelings to be there without judging them, you are re-wiring your brain to learn that thoughts and feelings are NOT DANGEROUS, and that you can handle having any thought and feeling pop up 😀 Hope this helps you🫶🏾

carollsch

Date posted: 42w ago

@AaronB1111 gosh thank you for this. i started having bad ocd abt 3 years ago but it was specifically just thoughts and urdges directed at people i love the most. i understand those feelings of ocd but this one feels like it’s an entire personality switch instead of an intrusive thought. i hope that makes since

AaronB1111

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

@Hi_123 Yeah of course! What can I help ya with ✨🙏🏽

AaronB1111

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 5w ago

@Hi_123 Hey! First of all, I am so so sorry you are going through this! I know how scary and overwhelming these thoughts and feelings can be. Please know you are definitely not alone in this. So many people with OCD, including myself, have been exactly where you are — questioning if it is OCD because of how real and terrifying it feels. What you described sounds so much like classic OCD. OCD is NOT just about intrusive thoughts — it also throws in feelings, urges, and doubts that make you question yourself at the deepest level. And something that is really common in OCD is this “what if I want this?” fear. It is actually the anxiety and over-focus on “what if I wanted it?” that makes it feel so real. OCD loves to target the things we care about most — and for someone like you, who clearly cares about being a good person, it is going to go after that. Also, the fact that you are now freaking out, feeling like a monster, and not able to eat — that shows how much these thoughts go against who you are. People who actually want to do bad things do NOT sit in panic and self-hate over these thoughts. Sometimes when we feel exhausted from OCD, it can feel like we are accepting the thoughts, but really — it’s just your brain’s way of trying to survive the constant fight. It does NOT mean you want it. Please try to go easy on yourself — OCD is so sneaky and good at making us question ourselves. You are NOT a monster, you are NOT broken — you ARE someone struggling with a disorder that latches onto our worst fears. You are NOT alone in this, and you can get through it. Sending you so much love and strength ❤️

AaronB1111

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 42w ago

No worries at all Caroll! Honestly, it is really hard having OCD. It literally can present in anyway, such as, thoughts, images, urges, impulses, doubts, feelings, false memories. Literally ANYTHING. It’s such a pain in the ass, but honestly, trust me, coming from someone who has had OCD for about 10 years and only recently taking control of my life back. It’s just a feeling. Feelings are not facts. We cannot control what we think or feel. We can learn how to live alongside them though. We can learn how to co-exist with them. It’s important to remember that the best thing to do whenever you experience and unwanted intrusive thought is this: 1. Accept the presence of the thought and feeling (everyone has disturbing crazy thoughts, they DO NOT define you). 2.As soon as the thought or feeling pops up, whilst allowing it to be there, just use a non-engagement response like “That was a nice try OCD! But I do not need to engage with that thought/feeling. I will allow it to be there without judging it” 3. Sit with the discomfort and uncertainty (nothing in this life is risk free or easy, but by sitting with these feelings, you are teaching your brain that thoughts and feelings are not dangerous. You are in no danger from having a thought or feeling). I know it feels hard as OCD can makes us doubt our values, beliefs, personality and literally everything about us. But by using the method above, you are teaching yourself that you know it’s just OCD trying its cheeky little tricks again and that you are in control, not OCD!

carollsch

Date posted: 42w ago

@AaronB1111 Your the best. this actually means so much and it’s hard to find people that fully understands

AaronB1111

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 42w ago

@carollsch Aww honestly thats so nice to hear 🫶🏾 I am so glad I could help 🫶🏾 always remember you are never alone! You always got us to lean on if you ever need any help!

carollsch

Date posted: 41w ago

@AaronB1111 is it normal for when i feel like myself freely it’s almost like i wanna doubt it or think i have some personality disorder bc when im stuck in an ocd spell i feel evil and having feelings of actually wanting to hurt people then it turns off like a switch

AaronB1111

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 41w ago

@carollsch This is so normal. This is literally OCD. This is what it does. It’s called the “Doubting Disorder”. So guess what? It gets you to doubt anything about yourself. It can make you FEEL like you are evil and that you want to hurt people. This disturbs you because this is completely opposite to who you are as a person! In this moment, just breathe, let the anxiety, discomfort, thoughts and feelings just co-exist with you. It’s all about mindfulness. You acknowledge the thoughts,feelings etc but you do not need to interact with them. Remember OCD tries to trick us into believing a million different things. It has tricked me so many times that I have done some terrible and I used to get so scared. This is when I learnt that OCD was doing whatever it wanted to keep me in the cycle, and I had to learn to accept uncertainty and trust my values and who I am as a person, not what OCD portrays us to be.

carollsch

Date posted: 41w ago

@AaronB1111 hi is there anyway i could contact you to talk? i’m finding it very hard to put these feelings into words and relate to someone

AaronB1111

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 41w ago

@carollsch Yeah, of course! Just a couple of things to mention first: 1. I’m not a therapist haha, just someone who is here to offer support and share experiences about OCD. 😊 2. How old are you? If you’re under 18, I won’t be able to communicate with you outside of this app, as you would fall into the category of a minor.

carollsch

Date posted: 41w ago

@AaronB1111 I’m 20! and i know i just want to share similar experiences

AaronB1111

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 41w ago

Ahhhh that’s cool then! What works best for you? Lemme know and I’ll add you or your number!😊

AaronB1111

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 41w ago

Added ya 😊

Anonymous1199

Date posted: 39w ago

My OCD came in a similar way to this. How are you doing?

Dreamydream

Date posted: 29d ago

Hi - how do you feel now?

Callista Moore

Date posted: 17w ago

What is this?

This might be asking for reassurance but I’m at a point I’m not sure if this is ocd and who better to ask than you guys. Also want to mention I have been to a psychologist who diagnosed me with ocd and I’ve tried to seek therapy through NOCD but had a bad experience so I’m just looking for an opinion I’ll take with a grain of salt. I’ve been through bouts of pocd that I got through but now it’s morphed into something that feels so different. It’s like harm ocd and pocd together and it revolves around my daughter. Before this happened I was a loving mother who valued my kid more than anything. Now this is happening and it feels so sinister. I’m getting urges to do something bad and I get these feelings like I want to do that and it’s like my brain gets foggy and my values slip away and I feel like I could do it. But then I get a moment of clarity and I’m like wait a minute I’ve never hurt anyone in my life nor have I ever thought about it and this is my child what is happening. But then I get that foggy brain again and it’s like I can’t see her as my child. I try to sit with it and it’s like I get this adrenaline rush and feel like I have to do it. But I know I don’t want to do that, but then it’s like trying to make me want to want to. I’m not sure if I’m just lacking insight and clarity because I’m overwhelmed with the groinals, urges, thoughts and feelings but I just keep obsessing over the fact that death is my only way out. I don’t understand what happened to me. It feels like this demonic oppression and I don’t know how to get through this one or if this is still something I can get through because it might not be ocd. I try to go with the thoughts and feelings and say yeah maybe, maybe not, or yeah I’m going to do that but it seems to fuel the feelings. I feel like I’m teetering between the person I was and this evil awful person who has no regard for others. I don’t want to be around my daughter and I’m just angry all the time. The fear and anxiety used to be something I relied on and I feel none of that now. I used to be able to say “well no matter what I feel or think I can control my actions” and now it feels like I cannot control my actions but I’ve never hurt anyone before. Someone please give it to me straight and tell me if you think this might not be ocd.

carol.xxx

Date posted: 15w ago

flare up please respond

Hey guys, I am having the worst HARM OCD episode I have had in a while. I am having disgusting, awful intrusive thoughts about harming others. It feels so real. It feels as if I am about to get up and just do it. The worst bit about it all Is I know I feel distressed and panicked. But where the thoughts are actually happening ( in my head) doesnt feel this feeling. This is making it feel worse as it really does feel like Im just going to do it. I am crying my eyes out because I know im petrified and dont want to hurt anyone im so scared. I have this terrible intrusive feeling in my that feels like its justifying the thoughts. Please can someone talk as I am scared Im crying I dont want know what to do I want this feeling gone I am so scared. I tell myself Id kill myself before hurting anyone else, but would i ? What if I actually do want to kill Please respond Im so scared

Harm OCD

andrewt_

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 11w ago

Does anyone ever mimic/imagine harm OCD thoughts?

Does anyone imagine they are doing their harm thoughts during an action, making you feel like you acted on your thoughts? For example, someone gave me a hug and at the last second I imagined I was touching something I shouldn’t during the hug? I want to make it clear it’s something I have zero desire to do! But the problem is, I thought it on purpose and it makes me sick !! Obviously nothing happened but my mind is telling me that was me trying to do it. Even though it was physically impossible to do. Am I a monster or could this be OCD? I’m freaking out and don’t want to be here anymore. I feel like I’m the exception and that this isn’t OCD. I know I post about this stuff a lot but I’m struggling and don’t know what to do.

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