- Date posted
- 1y
I'm scared
I just read someone who had hocd and he realize he was bi, and the worst is he said he was straight for 19 years, right now I feel I identify, and I feel like I'm about to have an "honest conversation" with myself
I just read someone who had hocd and he realize he was bi, and the worst is he said he was straight for 19 years, right now I feel I identify, and I feel like I'm about to have an "honest conversation" with myself
Hey ! Everything is going to be ok! Its scary I know. Maybe you can talk to a therapist if you can afford? I don't really know about this theme , so I can't give you a good advice, just that can make everything feel very real . You are not alone .I also recommend you to watch Chrissie Hodges.
I'll try, but after what that guy said, I just feel that I'm like him
Well , I realised at 14... and yeah you can realise later.. But you can have ocd . If its triggering for you I think its ocd. Anyway a therapist can tell the best . Also I hope this is isnt triggering for you .
No don't worry about it, 14 seems just fine ig, idk, I just want to go back to how things were before, I'm just so tired, but then I start thinking that maybe I'm tired cause I resist or smth like that
I think is the best to talk to a therapist . Meanwhile , try doing something you like. Listen to music , read , idk anything you like . I am sorry that I cant give you a good advice. Take care and remember you are not alone
Thank you, don't worry about it, it's just that I don't want this, but I'm scared that if I go to terapy I'll realize that it's all true
@Nicolas:) I get it.This happens to me too but I have other themes
@Mitu_001 Would you tell me what themes? If you don't mind?
Maybe these can help
Thank you so much, and I just want to clarify, I have nothing againts the comunity, if you ever need my help in a fight I'm gonna be there, but that's just not how I wanna live
Thank you very much too!
I used to have a friend. He was my best friend. When we were together,we would do the usual thing two guys who were really into each other would do. Talk about girls and money all the time. I admired the guy. When we first met we would "hunt",meaning we liked to hook up with girls and take their contact.As a nervous wreck,this helped me alot in getting better at my game.I was a bit insecure but hid it well because i was jealous of the dude secretly( He was a bigger dude than me)I only started taking cannabis recently and there was something my guy did that really took a toll on my mind. Before he did it,my overactive imagination would think too deeply on if i could trust him or not because there was something i had to pay for which he was going to be the one i sent the money too. My instincts ran wild on if i could trust him whenever i snuffed the green crop. Then i was very new to it and always had a wild superstitious mind about weed being a cosmic gift( Newbie stuff ) although,i still think it's still. I might be going out of context but he stole from me and and the smoke caused me to really overcomplicate the whole situation in my head. Maybe i was overthinking it,maybe i was not,but i ended up telling myself "I am gay."
I never had any sexual fantasies about my guy though when we were together.He became my best friend and all that really muttered in my head back then was just really admiring the dude. Sometimes i feel like my OCD takes my back to that moment i made that thought as fuel create even more triggers,making me even think i was "in love" with the guy. I checked time and time again and i just really admired my guy.
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Yeah I know, but that's the only thing I think about, and even when I'm not arguing I "feel" bi
Harm ocd , pocd ...
Also I am gay and I think I have intrusive thoughts about men :)
It disgust me like I dont want to have them .. Idk if it is like hocd..
Maybe, but it's not obssesive so that's good
Like it's just triggering for me, cause most people I know knew their sexuality on an early age, and as far as I know, when I was 10-12 I only ever had crushes on girls, just like gay people had crushes on the same sex or like bi people felt for both idk, but when I hear a story of people finding out later in life, like this guy, specially cause he said he had OCD, it just makes me think that's just what's happening to me
I feel the same! Ocd is very hard and I also feel very tired because of it .
Yeah I know it's exhausting, I mean, even people on denial get a break, Ig my only "reassurance" is that guy fear just being gay, so tecnically his fear didnt came truth, cause he's not, but I do fear being bi
I feel the same way. I try to tell myself that maybe i am bi,but something in me does not agree. It sounds fake when i think about it because it makes my feel as though i can only be of just one sexuality as a man and that is were my confusion comes in. I don't know if men attract me but i only really get excited with women when my head is cool. Mine got so bad once that i could not get within the same radius with a dude and i think that was because i was daring myself not to feel anxious only to feel even more anxious. I was always okay with the LGBT community but now i can barely look anyone from there in the eye or get close to them.
Idk man, in my case I feel like it's trully me, allthough I do remenber a time were I said I was bi and felt false
Is hard... You can doubt very much , but if you said it felt false...
Yeah it felt false then but it feels real now, that's kind of the issue
I know don't worry ! It's a fear ! I am sorry and dont ever feel guilty because of this, ok? You deserve peace
And you are not a bad person
Thank you, I just don't even remenber when I developed the fear, but I do know I never had fantazies of being with guys, and 0 sexual atraction either
@Nicolas:) It means you are not in denial! If you feel better I always was attracted do women but I haven't realised . I thought that everyone was thinking that lol :)
@Mitu_001 to*
@Mitu_001 I see, well I really don't recall having feelings for men, before My intrusive thoughs but the feelings I did had after felt so real and sometimes I wasnt even anxious
@Nicolas:) Maybe because you get used to them
@Mitu_001 Sorry for not responding anymore I fell asleep
@Mitu_001 Don't worry, You are good, You are a really nice person
@Nicolas:) Thanks! How are you feeling?
@Mitu_001 A little bit of the same, I oppened ny eyes ane I just felt bi
@Nicolas:) Oh .. This happens to me too.. like when I open my eyes I just get intrusive thoughts :,)
I do not have this type of OCD but usually when you’re afraid of something with ocd that means you very much don’t want that something.  OCD is not necessarily your true feelings.  Whatever you want to be sexually straight or what not is what you’ll continue being as Ocd doesn’t change you. What sex your personally attractive to is a personal decision that you make not your OCD. OCD will not make you change your sex attraction ,just like OCD for me does not make me more violent because I have harm OCD, It just makes me afraid of that subject. I highly recommend instead of worrying about your OCD is real or not ,treating your OCD like OCD and figuring out what is the best way to treat your OCD so that you can get back to what is important to you with your life and not have OCD keep bothering you. I’ve struggled with this myself, but I really do believe the best thing to do is not treat your OCD like it’s real. I just treat it like a fear disorder and get it taken care of,It is not part of who you are as a person. Please stay strong and work on treating your OCD.
Yeah but it's confusing, cause sometimes I feel reassure, some other times I feel is real, and lately I been feeling like I would be okay with it
@Nicolas:) For OCD it’s normal to feel anxious if it’s real, and to have feelings of worried that you’d be OK with it.  If you were really OK with it . you would not have made a post about it so it’s clearly causing you some kind of anxiety.  I’m sorry that it causes you anxiety. I hope you’re able to find some relief soon.
How does your harm OCD feel to you. I still don't understand it and that i would say is just how any OCD would seem to those who do not have it. I am still very attracted to women. Even more,i think,because i compulsively tried to always look at women anytime i became triggered to reassure myself of my sexuality. And i think talking about this is really therapeutic for me because i have had no one to talk to on what has been going on in my head.
@Anonymous I’m doing a lot better with hurm ocd but harm ocd makes you worried that you’re secretly turning into a psychopath and that you actually want to hurt people when you do not. What you’re talking about is sexuality OCD where you’re afraid that your sexuality is changing or will change. Well, they’re both not the same obsession. They both are obsessions based on fear were then you go, and do compulsions. For example, every time you get triggered by your OCD, and immediately go look at a woman to prove to yourself that you’re not changing your sexuality that is  a self reassurance compulsion.  I highly recommend looking up how to treat OCD and learning about exposure response with OCD, and how not to do compulsions. Treating OCD is really hard and takes a long time but oh my gosh I cannot explain to you the relieve you feel ,when you’re OCD symptoms Significantly decrease. I hope this was helpful and I hope you’re able to get relief soon. OCD is truly terrible and stressful.
@Brooke cookie Self reassurance compulsion. Thank you for educating me on what it was. I have been doing the opposite lately. I have no way to afford an ERP therapy at the moment but i will do so.
@Anonymous I understand I highly recommend looking it up on YouTube. There are a lot of psychiatrist that give pretty decent advice on there for OCD. The guy that I like the best is his channels name is OCD and anxiety.  He’s an OCD specialist therapist and I feel like his videos are pretty and lightning and very helpful.
@Brooke cookie Thank you. I got alot more education from talking with you alone. I hope you have been doing the necessary treatments over yours. Living with anything that distresses the mind like OCD that prevents one from functioning properly is not sweet. I hope you get well and i will do my own to get better. Time and time again,our anxiety and thoughts cools off making us rethink those thoughts,confirming that this is an actual problem and not a joke. Thank you for listening to me.
@Brooke cookie You seem to be well aware of the condition. I have been curious as to how to reduce a self reasurance compulsion like mine
@Jethro. Mental compulsions are pretty hard actually but for me, I’m try to sit with the uncertainty and when I do accidentally do self insurance, I try to undo self insurance by saying maybe maybe not and just let myself except that I’m having the thought sometimes I can succeed sometimes I can’t lately. I’ve been doing pretty good with it. I hope that was helpful. You kind of are trying to get to a point where you don’t react to the thought at all but it’s kind of hard to do and take some time so be patient with yourself and just keep trying to work on it.
I am sorry if i shared too much information,but as a person who has been having this thoughts for some time while having no idea what it was and only trying to use videos of manifesting your thoughts into reality as an excape,i am glad i can be able to talk about it in a way were i can be less ashamed.
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
i had recently been triggered to have so-ocd. its been on my mind non-stop. (i am a heterosexual female) and my mind has been all over the place questioning if i have been in denial the entire time. ive always had people tell me they sort of got that vibe it it never really affected me until my own mother had her suspicions. so i would constantly get triggered un public around the same gender, while knowing my true sexuality. ive always been attracted to men but as of recently ive been having super bad anxiety to where i cannot eat or sleep and feel weak all the time. it was like that for a week or so. now im in the calm where i have been trying accept the uncertainty but it still isnt fair as im getting triggered. im a little worried because it feels like i have been lying to my parents the entire time although ive never had the desire to be with the same gender. and i keep getting intrusive thoguhts that make me feel anxious and uncomfortable. its all starting to affect my friendships as im constantly getting triggered with the intrusive thoguhts. i feel a little less anxious compared to how i was a couple days ago. im really scared on why im having these thoughts now when i have been having romantic feelings for a guy the past year or so. ive also been struggling with false attraction and loss attraction to men. it makes me feel uncertain of my life the entire time
Hi, I'm new to this and it took me a long time to gather the courage to post, but I could really use some advice. This will be a long post because I don't know how not to overexplain, please bear with me. I'm yet to be diagnosed with anything, so I'm not sure if this is one of the ways OCD can present itself, but I'm really hoping it's just soocd and nothing else. I'm 22F, cis and straight all my life as far as I know, but back in April, in a particularly exhausting day, I had an intrusive thought about liking women after seeing some random post on twitter and I've been spiraling ever since, with thoughts and anxiety non-stop trying to figure out an answer. I've noticed that my thoughts have been obsessing over this in a loop, where I question if I'm a lesbian or bi (I really really don't want to be, though I have nothing against the lgbt community) > question if I'm aro/ace (also really don't want to be, I'd be super depressed if I were because that would stop me from living the life I've always dreamed of) > question if I'm simply afraid of getting in a relationship and why. It's this loop where I can't figure anything out, my brain feels like it's in the middle of a storm. Looking back, I think I might have had rocd in my last relationship because I kept messaging my boyfriend asking for reassurance if he loved me and wouldn't leave me, but the reassurance only lasted at best a day before the doubts came back and I felt the need to ask again, and this lasted for months if not years. Now I've never questioned my orientation, I just knew I was straight (always crushed on boys, craved their attention and love, male celebrities, male characters, always fantasized about having a husband and kids, never felt anything towards women that way, never considered them as partners) until this one intrusive thought caused me to spiral out of control and I've never been the same since. This in and of itself should be enough to prove to my brain that I'm straight and have always been, right? Logically it should, it makes no sense otherwise... But it's not enough, so I've been googling non-stop, been reading so many posts here that I relate to for reassurance, been reviewing my memories, ruminating all day and night, testing myself by looking at pictures of men and women to check for reactions (when I'm not avoiding looking at them altogether). Even when I feel that my mind is quieter, the anxiety is still there, and I keep trying to affirm what I've always believed to see if I still agree and it's like my body preemptively gets anxious expecting the thoughts to return and then uses that anxiety as evidence that the thoughts are true when I really don't want them to be... I guess all of these count as compulsions? It's bad to the point anything lgbt-related triggers me now when it never did before (I was always like "good for them, but that's not for me" towards any kind of lgbt content, I've never identified with the community nor do I want to be part of it still), I can barely get anything done, get out of the house, spend time with my friends, listen to music or watch movies, focus on what I need to do, eat, sleep or even just enjoy my hobbies. The anxiety is always there, my mind feels like it'll explode and I feel like my life will be over if I don't figure this out now so I can fix it. I think I've also been experiencing false attractions and loss of attraction, which is making all of this worse, because my mind is trying to find out why they're happening and using them as evidence that I'm one thing or another... I never had any feelings towards women before this all started but I'm so scared I might have now all of a sudden when I don't want to. It's exhausting, I just want to be able to live normally again. The what ifs don't stop: what if I find out I'm actually what my fears say I am? What if I'm one of those late bloomer lesbians? What if I'm in denial? What if I'm just saying I've always wanted men due to comphet? What if I actually never find out and I'll be ruminating over this my entire life and won't be able to live? What if I'm lying to myself? What if I've always been that and never known? What if others find out I'm having these thoughts? What if it's not OCD and I'm making excuses and this is all true? What if it's always been a subconscious desire and I didn't know? What if I have sex with a man and don't like it actually? What if I'm aro/ace and that means I'll never be able to have a family one day? What if I have no choice? What if that one memory where you enjoyed time with a female friend means you're gay actually? What if I'm never able to love a man ever again despite having been able to in the past? The idea of being with a woman is absolutely terrifying to me, I'm not at all comfortable with the idea of being a lesbian or bi or anything, while the idea of being with a man only causes me some anxiety but feels more right. I've had very few experiences with relationships, most were unfortunately long distance, and I'm currently single so I can't even gauge my attraction or feelings that way, but I'm so tempted to seek a relationship because of this to prove I'm still straight... I also have GAD and might have depression, so that may be contributing to all of this... I just feel like my life is over, I can't live like this. I can't handle my mind constantly looking for proof that I'm lesbian or bi, using the fact that I enjoy my mom's hugs or my female friends' company to say "see?? I was right and you're lesbian!!" when I never once in my life ever thought of women that way, I don't understand why this is happening 😭😭 And to make it worse, it's also latching onto the past and using it as proof that I must have always been a lesbian without knowing and it's making me feel like I actually wanted it, when at the time I never thought of it that way. Like, me enjoying the company of one of my best friends or sharing a common interest with her doesn't mean I'm gay?? Caring about my friends isn't gay?? Being a girl who likes girly things doesn't make me gay?? But the thoughts are always like "no you're lying, you're just in denial, you actually felt xyz back then that's why you wanted her company" or "are you sure?". The thoughts also latch on the fact that I find incel, gooner and misogynistic behavior disgusting (which might be poisoning my opinion about men as well even though I don't want it to 😭), and they tell me I'm a lesbian because of it, which only makes me more depressed. But no matter how much I try to argue, it's never enough, the doubts are always there and it's making me have so many panic attacks they wake me up at night and don't let me rest. I'm so scared of accepting the thoughts because I fear that accepting them will make me actually a lesbian when I really don't want to be (and I keep claiming I don't want to be and my mind keeps throwing the "are you sure? you're not sure" around, it never ends 😭). It feels so real, I'm so scared. I'll add this as well because I feel is relevant, but these thoughts/spirals have also tried latching onto my religious beliefs (I have none, but they tried to convince me I did after I saw a post on social media) and onto my gender identity (they tried convincing me I wanted to be a trans man, when in fact I've always wanted to look more feminine, because I'm so thin I barely have boobs and it's always been a huge source of insecurity for me). These, however, haven't returned, unlike the spirals about my sexual orientation and mainly about being lesbian/bi. I think I may have had at best a week free from this obsession, and even when I'm distracted I feel like they're always somewhere near my mind just waiting to snatch it from me again. If I manage to calm down, my mind will also use that against me, saying stuff like "see, you're calm now, which means you've accepted you're a lesbian!!" and I get all depressed and anxious again and want to cry but can't because I'm so tired. I just don't want that to be true, I want my normal life back 😭 I know I shouldn't ask for reassurance, but I can't calm down. My life has been a living hell ever since this started, I feel unable to live, I just want to go back to how I was before all of this started. Is this HOCD/SOOCD at all? Can anyone else relate to this? Please tell me I'm not alone on these experiences, that I'm not what these thoughts claim... My mind is so close to fully convincing me that I am what they say and it's making me so depressed and anxious 😭😭 and it feels so real, like I'm already what they say I am and I'm chasing something that's no longer there. I'm so scared. I don't want to accept any possibility, I don't want to explore or "figure it out", I just want to be secure with my straight orientation again as I've always been, but there seems to be so much evidence of the contrary and I can't live with that possibility. How could I become a lesbian in the span of a few months when I never wanted that?? 😭 I'm so depressed, I miss crushing on men and wanting a husband and kids, I'm tired of arguing with my mind non-stop. I feel like I've been so full of doubts that I can barely affirm my favorite color, I can't remember what's like to be free from this madness, it's like from one moment to another I lost myself amidst this chaos and no longer know the stuff I've always known about myself. How do I go back to how I was before? How do I stop this without changing to be something I don't want? How do I get rid of these doubts that aren't supposed to mean anything but are scaring the shit out of me because what if they're true and I'm one of those cases where I'll become the sexuality I fear? I cannot bear the thought. It's been nightmarish 😭😭
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