Suicidal OCD

This theme just started for me literally yesterday. I had one thought while taking my Prozac “what if you just took this whole bottle” and now I’m absolutely spiraling. The thoughts feel SO FU**ING REAL!!! I’ve struggled with harm ocd before about loved ones but never about myself. Anybody else go through this? And the thoughts feel so real like I actually do want to and like I am okay with it but I know that I’m not and that id never actually do it. But my brain is trying to convince me that I will. Please tell me I’m not alone with this?!! I am seeing a therapist and do have med management, I’m currently starting over on Prozac because I stopped it when I started feeling better. Bad idea.. because now I’m back at square one. But does anybody else go through this? And because I’m not like full on panicking about the thoughts, that makes me feel even worse. I mean I am anxious about them and like obsessing over the thoughts and whatnot, but I’m not in a full fledge panic either. Idk… just wanna know if anybody else struggles with this too?

I know this may sound silly to be concerned about, but I have suicidal ocd. I get intrusive thoughts. And ruminate heavily. I feel like lately I cannot stop thinking about suicide 24/7. Until I fall asleep that is what’s on my mind. I had a med change a week ago and that’s when this started. Is this just a phase of my ocd? I am not wanting to kill myself- I don’t have a plan. I am just fearful

I write this down to vent and because i see something that bothers me alot. I searched here "suicidal ocd" to not write a post and see what advices others get and i didnt found same problems and the ones i found were actually my old posts. All of the other posts were different to mine, all were the same worrying, and mine was like its more than suicidal ocd. Im dealing with depression now because of a current life event and i see that after waking up i get worse and thats when fear attacks me. In the pain i got hit by "i cant deal with this i will end my life" thought, and it was intrusive, i was feeling so bad after it. But for me it feels like it was a real thought cause of the situation, you know, i was in pain and i felt like i cant handle it and i want relief. But i dont want to kms... and i see people talking about suicidal ideation, how they have both and it scares me that mine feels more similar to that then suicidal ocd. I keep feel like it comes back time after time cause i dont work on it or accept it that im having suicidal thoughts and i need to work on them...it feels so hard to accept im thinking about suicide. Always i think about when my therapist said its real ideation cause i want to escape from pain but i developed ocd over it...i just dont want to accept that. If its reassurance seeking than just tell me that ocd can be like this or send me videos or something were people talk about this,cause i dont know if it can be like this. I just see myself sharing these kind of posts. I dont know what to do, i even tried to accept it as real before, i couldnt handle it... but even the therapist telling me things... i just cant get over it